Posted by antigua3 on February 5, 2009, at 11:33:26
In reply to Re: Testing our relationships with our Ts (long), posted by seldomseen on February 5, 2009, at 11:17:17
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> For me, it's much easier and much more comfortable to just come to the conclusion that nobody cares.
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I think my T and pdoc care in their own ways, w/my pdoc's being very limited and constricted, but I believe that I'm asking for something that is outside the realm of possiblities. It's me and my expectations that are out whack.
>>For me, the primary problem with testing proved to be that I was constantly misinterpreting the results of the test. Then, when confronted with the actual interpretation, I would misinterpret that too.
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Yep, that's me, too, usually. But, I'm blind, too. I'm not misinterpreting my T, I'm being accepting of her limitations, and I'm certain that I'm not misinterpreting my pdoc. Yes, he's a very busy, important pdoc, and I'm just one of his patients, but even that type of abandonment during my time of need shows a huge disrespect for me, at least that's how I view it. If he's too busy to care for the patients he has, he shouldn't have as many.
> I've just come to the conclusion that I can never know what someone's intentions, thoughts, motivations are unless I directly ask. At least then that points me in the right direction. Of course, then I have to trust that they are telling me the truth, which requires a lot of work, but I never even get to that point unless I ask.
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Good point. But I know what both of their answers will be and frankly, that's not good enough. I want more, but I'm not going to get it, and maybe that's at the heart of this, too, accepting what I'll never have.> SOmetimes I have to beat him down with the fact that I am in a bad place before he "gets it". I used to attribute his slow on the uptake methods to all sorts of things, but in reality he's a human being who misses subtle, and sometimes not so subtle clues. Yeah, they have all this training and the like, but they're still human.
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With all due respect, there is no subtlety in any of this. I'm pretty direct.
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> However, the most important question I asked was "Were my own issues getting in the way of me getting what I need from him?" When I decided that the answer to that specific question was "Yes", then things began to change.
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> You're absolutely right. But what about when you let these issues go and take the plunge into making these changes, and trusting, and you're kicked in the teeth. You hate yourself for putting yourself into the position of having someone kick you in the teeth again, and you're left hanging with the thought of what a stupid fool I was to ever possibly believe that this person could be trusted, but I trusted him anyway. Same old pattern, but more importantly, it's not going to turn out any differently than all the other times I trusted and was burned.>
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your comments were great.
thanks,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:878199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878218.html