Posted by Dinah on February 12, 2009, at 8:17:47
In reply to Bringing your body to therapy, posted by DAisym on February 11, 2009, at 23:32:48
> At the very end I said I felt strange and sad I needed some reassurance from him but I wasnt sure for what. He waited and seemed willing to give me whatever it was, but I couldnt come up with it. So I left, reluctantly, with a strong sense of a lost chance.
It sounds very much like when I'm wanting a hug. Not to say that you are wanting a hug. But that was the image that came immediately to mind. Me standing awkwardly shifting from foot to foot wanting I'm not sure exactly what. My therapist is not opposed to the occasional hug, and that hug makes me feel like he accepts all of me. Of course I could be totally wrong about what you are wanting, and I know your therapist feels differently about hugs, just as mine feels differently about phone calls, etc.
Oh my. That reminds me of the day he told me that he had bought a house elsewhere and I burst into tears. Well, actually I burst into heaving sobs and shudders and hiccups. We'd come to town for the day and I was hot and sweaty with no a/c and the water had not yet been declared safe for bathing. Plus I was seriously stressed and oozing cortisol and adrenaline, and my blood sugars were off. The resulting miasma was horrendous I'm sure. He came and sat next to me and put his arm around me, and I wailed "But I smeeelllllll!!!" and he laughed and said he smelled too. Except he didn't of course. :(
Well, at least he didn't before he sat next to me. He probably did after.
But he still feels the same about me. Even after that. I think if you really care about someone, they are never really unattractive. Because you can't see them clearly because who they are to you is overlaid on top of the merely physical.
>
> Tonight I think Im worried (who me?) that Ill get really hurt by talking about all of this. What if my therapist doesnt think Im attractive? I mean, *I* dont think I am, but *hes* not allowed to think that! And do I want to really bring my body and those feelings into therapy? because while it has been there, it really hasnt if that makes any sense at all. I feel so insecure around all of this and I want to try and pretend it doesnt matter.Well, my therapist isn't allowed to notice my body because he might see a woman, which would mean he's not seeing *me*. He does make the occasional compliment when I wear something nicer than usual, I think mainly as a positive reinforcement strategy. And when I say something too negative about myself he makes a weak protest.
I don't think I'd like it if he said I was ugly or anything.
What would you like your therapist to think about your body and appearance? What precisely would you not like? Is there overlap?
It is really hard for me, even now, to talk about my physical body. I don't really think of it as me at all. Just the thing I'm stuck in. There's even a dismissive hand gesture I use when I mention it.
poster:Dinah
thread:879554
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879598.html