Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2009, at 10:29:41
In reply to Re: I am such a trial to him...., posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 9:06:57
> I just wonder how authentic he can be with you, if he has to walk on egg shells?
I must *really* express myself badly though, if I gave that impression. At one time in our relationship he learned not to say things in certain ways because it diverted attention from the discussion he was trying to have, into my feeling hurt. But our current discussions revolve around the fact that that is no longer necessary.
Now I'm secure that he cares about me, he can really say *anything* to me. My voice is flat, he can't deal with me right now, he's bored on occasion. What is said with love is never offensive to me, given that I am sure of the love.
And I *am* sure of that love. There was a time when he didn't much like me, and I knew that too. But at this point of our relationship he does love me, and like me. It permeates the air. It's not improper, and I understand fully the limits of it. But it *is* love, even if it is bound by the same rules that allow it to exist. He doesn't love me as a lover, or even as a friend. But he does love me as a client. He feels safe to feel love for me, because he knows that I'll never mistake it for anything more than what it is.
He visibly relaxes when he sits down and smiles at me. We address serious issues, but nearly always with humor and warmth. He has even taught me to be ok with occasional irritation or anger on his part, and to be secure in knowing that we'll be ok anyway.
The only thing he never relaxes enough to accidentally say is something that would bring down my disapproval on his head for reasons of propriety and professional obligation. I talk about Babble enough for him to know that I would never take that well. And that I'd be likely to repeat it here. :)
Not that he'd be likely to do anything unethical, no matter how relaxed he felt with me. That's part of why I always always trusted him. His boundaries are always ironclad where they count.
poster:Dinah
thread:881864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/882156.html