Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 8:14:14
In reply to Re: still here..., posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 12:30:45
i just feel like everything's falling apart.
a few weeks ago i started having some 'sortof' flashbacks and that was causing me stress, anxiety and kinda kicked off my depression.
the day i choose to finally talk about it to my T. she was a no show.
she called later wondering where 'I' was, i told her i was there at 3:00, she though our time was 2:00 so when i wasn't there by 2:30 she left.
ok. it happens, out of three years together its' gonna happen. (BTW i had a card she gave me and she wrote 3:00 on it, i even showed her the next mtg)
well, things physically and emotionally were still building and getting worse. but then last week when i could see her i decided to play like everything was ok cuz i had an OB appt right after her and seriously who wants to talk 'trauma' then go to the OB? i'm mean are you kidding?
****here's the TRIGGER part*****
my T made a comment about OB's see people cry all the time it would be ok, but i dont give a crap about that. i didn't want to get vulnerable and have memories of body invasion and then go the the FREAKING OB and have something shoved up me. -had to have pap and preg. exam.
***************since then my depression has really started to kick in. the ONLY person i feel comfortable talking to about that is my T. well both monday and tuesday i've been kinda bad off. crying spells, feeling of blah blah same old you know. and i finally thought ok. Today (tuesday) i'm going to be honest and tell t, thoughts are creeping in my mind and other typical depr. feelings.
10 Freaking minutes before i left work to go to her appt. she calls and cancels.
-she has the *Flu, since im in a room of several other people i politely say "no problem", she asks if i want to reschedule and i said no just next week, and i hung up.
*this is the part that i struggle with. i was Very disappointed i feel like its just been building and building and the DAY that i can finally release it 10 min. before i leave it gets blown out of the water.
HOWEVER, its the freaking Flu. #1 she feeling like crap, and all the flu icky's so even if i begged her to stay and see me she wouldn't be worth crap to help me as she would be focused on how bad she feel (not judging that's just how the human body works) and #2 i dont want to get it, i just got over a terrible respiratory thing.
So i can't really BE mad. its human, it happens. and she wont be any better today or tomorrow so why reschedule.THEN to top this off, there are 5 weeks in next month and i can only afford to see her 4 times in a month so i can't see her next week as well.
i just want to say CR@P to the entire therapy thing and just try to 'buck up' on my own. screw therapists and doctors that can't help me now anyway!!!!!
i'm just so freaking tired of this.i'm going to just go away for a while now and hide and recoup.
sorry for blabbing on all you. my nonsense.
i know its not even worth 2c right now. :(b2
poster:B2chica
thread:882138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/882348.html