Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 2, 2009, at 8:01:43
In reply to Tomorrow is coming too fast!! yikes!, posted by fleeting flutterby on April 1, 2009, at 16:27:47
Sweetie, Flutterby: You have too much on your plate (like you don't know that, LOL)
I would sure dump it all with the t; if you don't you will remain frustrated.
You shouldnt be resposnible for your mother or any other adult. Knowing the difference between OUR stuff and THEIR stuff is a big key in being healthy. you can stop allowing her to use emotional blackmail.
I hope you will bring up all of the stuff you mentioned here....to your t....that is a lot of misery to carry around. That is what your t is for; get your money's worth!
Write it down and have her read it; if you don't feel you can verbalize it; she can take it one subject at a time.
you cannot "demand" respect from your husband (or anyone else), but you can teach them how to treat you (if they do not respect you......distance yourself or no contact).
A sentence I have always used: If you CHOOSE to not respect me, then we will not have this conversation." It always works, becauseI.....am in control. usually if you say that; the person will argue or be abusive. Walk away; refuse to listen.
you cannot control what your mother thinks, does or says (or anyone else for that matter). you cannot change anyone, only yourself. Perhaps learn to drop what yu cannot control (your mother, husband). They will make their choices. you also have choices.
BE that squeaky wheel.
This is what I would do:
Tell the husband that he needs to get help for his drinking. If he chooses to not do that; I would separate.
Have a conversation (or send letter) to mother:
you reversed our roles and that is not fair. you are supposed to be MY mother, not the other way around. From now on, when you ask my advice, I will tell you that it is your decision (you are an adult), and I will not be a part of your decision making process. I will not be blamed for anything pertaining to your life.
Love n Hugs, Sassy
t
poster:sassyfrancesca
thread:888079
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/888175.html