Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2009, at 8:00:24
In reply to Re: my therapist ruined my session » Dinah, posted by raisinb on April 6, 2009, at 23:40:05
> "I can't promise you I'll never feel indifferent about this therapy"
Hard to say without context, tone of voice, etc. But FWIW I can see my therapist saying this, and I can see myself crying. What he would mean is that feelings come and go. At times *I* feel indifferent about this therapy. I'm sure at times he *feels* indifferent. And I'll pick that up and feel hurt. But it doesn't mean he *is* indifferent to me, or to the therapy.
Stuff goes on in his life that affects what I'm "feeling" from him in that room.
There's a great line in that movie Four Seasons with Alan Alda. About marriages being like a wave. Sometimes there are crests, and you look at your spouse and are filled with so much love. Sometimes there are troughs, where you don't much care for your spouse or even might hate them. I think even really good marriages are like that.
Therapy isn't marriage, but depending on context, she might be trying to say something similar. And of course some people are more consistent than others. She may not be consistent enough for you. And she may be being a tad too honest with you.
There are very sad truths in therapy. Mine included. My therapist is honest about those truths. It hurt like h*ll, but I think our relationship is stronger now that I have grown to accept them. I can value what we do have, and only occasionally bang my head against the walls of what it isn't. Although I occasionally do.
She might care enough or she might not. I don't know her or your relationship. She may be saying she has trouble attaching to you as a patient, or she may be trying to explain the inequalities inherent in a therapeutic relationship. That need to be inherent in a therapeutic relationship. But it might be worth sitting down with her and asking her what she means by all those things, without preconceptions.
Frankly, I too find what rsk found worrying worrying. Sure, her hormones may be in disarray. Which could be why she didn't come back earlier. Not because she was spending time in maternal bliss with her infant, but because she couldn't watch the days weather without bursting into tears. That was me. I bawled like a baby at no reason in particular. Is it her problem? Sure. Is she getting help for it? I hope so. It can be a physical, medical issue. But the truth is in a long term therapy relationship, a therapist's stuff is going to interfere sometimes. On the other hand she might always be like this. The multiple phone calls worry me a bit too. My therapist *might* call once if he thought he upset me. He would then leave it up to me. If anything, it worries me that she might care too much to be an adequate therapist, not that she cares too little.
In either case, I think a long term relationship deserves a talk. Does *she* think she might have some stuff going on right now physically/emotionally that might be coming into the room right now? Does she mean she's having trouble attaching the way a therapist does attach to clients? Or that she is explaining that therapists can never be as attached as clients? They can't be of course. Not only because they see a bunch of us every week, but because they have to retain objectivity.
If I look back on my therapeutic relationship, I could see plenty of evidence that he doesn't consider me more than a welcome income stream, although he might care about me very much for that reason alone. Or I might find plenty of evidence that he cares plenty, or even too much. Facts are facts. The conclusions we draw from them are colored by our expectations and fears and how we feel about ourselves.
All of which I'm sure you've already considered. Sorry if I'm being obvious. Sigh. I'm feeling a bit stupid this morning. I'm on my way to the vets with a sick pup.
poster:Dinah
thread:889045
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889168.html