Posted by Dinah on April 16, 2009, at 15:48:22
In reply to Re: I think Dr. Bob is avoiding me :-(, posted by Deneb on April 16, 2009, at 14:11:55
I think if you're afraid you might act on your urges, you need to call your pdoc. That's what she's there for. If you really think you will, she'd rather you call her than act on your urges. I guarantee it.
You've had a big change in your life. I know this job might not have been your dream vocation. But you did well, had a sense of accomplishment, and were pretty stable. You got lots of good feedback. I'm sure it has a lot of positive associations in your mind.
You haven't seemed all that visibly upset about it, but is it possible that your feelings about your job ending are coming out in other places? Jut as your stress over exams used to come out as a desire to OD?
I'm not an expert of any sort on the subject, but I notice that in general when you're upset you often quickly become not upset. Of course it's possible that those are mood swings. But is it also possible that you separate yourself from anger or fear or anxiety? That's something I do a lot. I'm a bit more aware of it now, which helps a lot. I can be really upset about something then suddenly... I'm not upset. Except that I really still am upset of course. I've just separated the upset from my conscious mind.
But upset can't really be ignored. It comes out all over the place. And overall I find it's better to actually be upset about the thing I'm upset about than to fuel the obsessions with all the fear and anger I've disowned.
But that's me. It may be different for you.
If you really really leave yourself open to the possibility, are you afraid about losing your job? Are you furious that after all your hard work, you'll be forced from it when that isn't your choosing? Are you angry that not as many Babblers seem to be coming to San Francisco than it had appeared, after you had invested in the trip? Are you angry that your dad said you graduated? Are you angry with your mom and sister for their many instances of insensitivity and unkindness? Are you afraid of leaving the stability of your job?
Those are all some pretty big things to be upset about. And oddly enough, I sometimes find that obsessing about horrible things is easier to bear than thinking about my life.
I think if I were you I'd be in some serious need of nurturing and care. I'd want to be taken care of. And I might have some notion that people will care about me more if I'm in danger. Like on In Treatment, when Paul seemed far more interested in his patient once she found out she had a potentially fatal illness.
I am very lucky to have someone, more than one someone really, in my life that I can turn to and say "I'm feeling really rotten. I need a hug." I know not everyone has that. I think Babble is a place where you *can* say that. Even when things are slowish as they are now. There will be people who would respond to that.
I could be all wet, but I thought I'd offer whatever thoughts I had, in case any might strike a chord and be helpful.
poster:Dinah
thread:891044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/891071.html