Posted by southernsky on December 14, 2009, at 15:38:03
In reply to Re: trust and therapeautic alliance » southernsky, posted by deerock on December 12, 2009, at 22:19:26
Hi again, I wanted to answer your question...
"im curious why you think i should thank her for sticking with me. is the idea that she is half responsible for my becoming so enraged really a total delusion? i guess somewhere inside me i have a feeling that if she did certain things differently, i have no idea what, this would not have exploded the way it has."
Yes-I'm think it is delusional to think she is half responsible for your rage and think it has nothing to do with her, but is a transference feeling from childhood relations - which is by its definition somewhat delusional but of course very common and i think perfectly normal.
I think you've alreayd figured out everything, but didn't want to leave your question unanswered. I know Ts can push our buttons sometimes, but her willingness to allow you to share your fantasy seems to indicate she could not be the 'cause' of the rage within you. It seems to me you own those feelings, and she just encouraged you to share it with her, rather than being the cause of it. I don't see how she would be half responsible for your becoming enraged as you said above...I only see her responsible for encouraging you to share it. That's just my observation.
As far as thanking her...that crossed my mind because she seems so committed. A T doesn't have to treat any of us if they are uncomfortable with. It seems like your therapeutic relationship is intense. I think she is really committed to you and really cares about your progress but it must be very difficult to continue absorb another's anger and thats basically what it comes down to-her willingness to continually absorb your anger in her willingness to help you.
While it's Ts "job", they are only human and it sounds emotionally exhausting...any T can say I don't want to deal with this because its too difficult...and decide to only take on 'easier' patients..meaning, perhaps, patients who don't continually project anger onto the T. Not saying this in a negative way, because we are all different..and not saying I'm an easy or totally pleasant patient, but I don't (or haven't yet) have anger against T. All my feelings towards him are positive. Not that it won't happen later...but just an example of different patients, different types and levels of intensity.
I think you've showed a ton of insight, and before you know it, will arrive at the next step in your progress. :)
poster:southernsky
thread:928968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929227.html