Posted by Daisym on April 30, 2010, at 19:44:48
In reply to Re: I don't understand what I'm feeling, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2010, at 8:22:27
I think you are right - is this the side of me he would prefer to see? Or - how can he see the normal happy stuff and believe the bad stuff too? I realize this is black/white thinking and he is mature enough to know that one doesn't negate the other...but wow - it is really causing a lot of anxiety. And the thought occurs - what if I didn't find enough things to be happy about or interested in - what if he thinks I was a boring kid and thus am a boring adult?! Does trauma make me special? What a horrible thought!
But what feels clearer today is that he felt like my mother use to: "tell me about your day - but only the good parts." "Don't just tell me what is wrong, tell me what you need me to do about it." Essentially, "I don't want to hear it unless we can take action to fix it." She was a very practical woman and this worked well in many settings.
Another, very scary thought crept in during the wee hours this morning. Maybe I'm afraid that this is the beginning of the end. That being able to focus on the positives and to talk to him like I talk to most people - and to bring this high functioning side into therapy - means that the trauma needs less room and less attention. Which is great - and scary.
I still don't want to talk to him about it - maybe I'll change my mind by Monday. So I'm going to bury myself in work instead.
Thanks for always being here.
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:945648
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/945786.html