Posted by violette on August 5, 2010, at 20:28:15
In reply to Re: Was I being critical of T?, posted by sigismund on August 5, 2010, at 16:02:58
>So, it wasn't a moment of complete concord when this happened
> Dr. T, don't be letting me intellectualize *too* much...we have alot of work to do...> As you of course know, times with analytic therapists outside of the analytic process are few and far between. I suppose they are technically impermissible, but naturally occur. I have no idea if this is right or wrong, but that's the way it was for me.
He's not a conventional analyst, so our frame is a bit different and self-disclosure is involved. I consider him to be some sort of Rogerian analyst-though we never talked about the concept.
> So your T may have felt therapeutic guilt that you reinforced.
That's a good one! I did not think of this...Weird how I completely blocked out of my mind what he said about being critical. I can't wait to ask him this though-cause then I get to see him do his self-analysis thingy out loud. hehe That's how I learned to do it. And I get a childlike feeling when I 'get him to do stuff'. Maybe the manipulative part of me? A giggly-little-girl feeling when he does stuff from my provocations. Hmmm. wtf is that all about? You got me in exploratory mode now.
> Which I suppose you regret because those moments are the ones when you feel your contact is somehow more real.
No, I like to be emotionally connected better since I've held it inside for too long. So I'm actually the opposite. I'm not used to anyone focusing on me in this way-I was always the one to focus on them-so I grew to liking the attention from him, rather than shifting it away like I would have done before I trusted him.
But-maybe he feels I will get too attached since it's *always* after processing deep stuff that I end up telling him next session I'm missing him more or wanting physical affection from him?
> It's a terrible analogy (though Laing used it so I might) of the comparison between prostitution and therapy. There is a process. You naturally try to stand outside the process to find some more real contact. But, in any case, you/me are trying to grasp or possess what cannot be possessed. Well, you might not be but I was.
I haven't gotten to that point yet. The primary frustration I've felt has been for physical affection, not necessarily the s word, but not excluding it either. But it hasn't been an issue lately.
As for the topic of projective identification in your other thread....I can only think about that in the morning and right after coffee. It hurts my head to think of it now. lol That's the hardest one to grasp.
Hey thanks for the idea about the guilt-I like that. He's mentioned something to this affect before during/after similar talking.... He'd be happy if I brought this up as he always says he likes to learn about himself. (probably would be happy too if I didn't automatically think it was just me-though I'll tell him that too)
See, now-thoughts came out about how I like to make him happy. Maybe that's why I don't get too frustrated-that seems to have been an unconscious wish, or so now it suddenly arose in my conscious...and I'm discovering it comes true at times...Siganalyst-thanks for leading me to the insight. :)
Geez maybe I have to start trying to make him angry. I really do like for him to be happy...and maybe too much. And if he does not realize this, it might not be good. I wonder if he's caught on to me yet?
poster:violette
thread:957128
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100706/msgs/957389.html