Posted by Solstice on December 11, 2010, at 21:39:28
In reply to Re: thoughts and over-attachment/ idealization, posted by Annabelle Smith on December 11, 2010, at 21:01:04
> Thanks, Solstice,
>
> but oops...I don't think I was clear. When I said "work" with him, I meant work as in "continue to be in therapy" with him-- the work of being in therapy. My therapist sometimes refers to therapy as "work."
>
Ohhhh! Well that does make a difference!I wholly understand that you'd regret the loss of the the months you didn't have him. I have a similar situation in my story. I was in a toxic therapeutic relationship that escalated ih the harm it was causing me - but it took me soooo long to extract myself. When I finally did that, I bore a lot of regret - grieved the lost years of my life that I could have been in the therapy that has provided me so much healing.
You did the best you could when you made your choice to stay. It would have been an overall wise choice if your new therapist had been as skilled as the one you lost. You probably would have been able to transfer trust to the new therapist. You had no way of knowing that you'd end up with a therapist who left you feeling worse.
TYou cannot change what has passed, so there is nothing to be gained by allowing yourself to stew in regret. The only thing you can do now is feel good about having been able to get back with the 'good' therapist.
I am someone who can tend to stay in my head and review the past way too much. I want to tell you something that helps me monitor how that affects me - prevents me from letting it take me into a downward spiral: What you water, grows. If you water the weeds - they will be happy to take over. If you water hope, care for others, faith in the 'good', belief in yourself, healthy relationships that raise your level of well-being - - if you water those things, they will grow. As a young adult, you are learning how to take control of your future. So from an older adult - I want to encourage you to take care to water what helps you, and starve what doesn't.. and I'm talking about where you allow your thoughts to dwell.
Solstice
> While he was at the counseling center, he also maintained a private practice on the side. When he left the center, he went to full-time private practice. He offered his clients at the center (including me) the opportunity to continue to do therapy with him in his private practice. The only thing would be that there would be a fee, whereas if I stayed at the counseling center, I could see a new therapist for free. Because I didn't realize how attached I was to him-- I thought the feelings would go away-- and because I am not that wealthy, I thought it would be best to stay at the center and work with a therapist there. This did not work out-- remember back to all of the posts we exchanged about what you called the toxic T? I ended up going back into therapy with the original therapist in his private practice, paying what is for me a do-able fee now on a sliding scale.
>
> The jealousy comes in that there were some students who were clients of his at the center who went straight to doing therapy with him in his private practice and were not transferred to a new therapist. That's what I wish I had done. He gave me the choice, and I feel like I made the wrong one and am jealous of the others who got to have the sessions this past fall that I wish I had also gotten to have.
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> Also, I wouldn't say that I am jealous of those with a more permanent relationship to him-- I don't want that. I am just jealous of the other students who got to be in therapy with him longer when that is what I needed to, but just made the wrong choice.
>
> Thanks for you thoughts. Sorry I wasn't clear.
poster:Solstice
thread:973063
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/973229.html