Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2011, at 13:38:11
In reply to Re: cooperative policy setting in therapy » lucielu2, posted by lucielu2 on June 23, 2011, at 17:51:05
Interesting discussion.
My therapist often reminds me that all relationships are at risk of ending abruptly - loving someone means risking being hurt by them. But that love is worth the risk - usually, at least. He often uses his best friend as an example - his friend died a few years ago. And he misses him and it hurts. But he says it was worth it.
We actually have very little control of most things in life. Which is very disconcerting to me to ponder.
The point is to know that while we might not have control, we do have choices. We must be willing to say what we need and negotiate with another to get it. And then to decide where our own lines in the sand are. In therapy, it would be wise to do this early - before the emotional investment is too high. We can get a sense of who this person is and how they are likely to make decisions. Which is why the conversations you are having around this seem so important.
Which sounds reasonable and sort of easy from a grown-up to grown-up place. But in therapy, there are periods of regression in which we feel even more powerless - like a young child. I think it is then up to the therapist to really hold all the pieces and stay aware that their decisions can have devastating effects. Which goes back to making sure that person we've chosen to invest our trust in is worth the risk. And, as some here know all too well, people change. Lives change. People move, die, get divorced, get old, etc. Life is not excluded as part of the therapy relationship. We just wish it could be.
poster:Daisym
thread:988513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/989315.html