Posted by emmanuel98 on June 30, 2011, at 21:34:28
In reply to Re: Do you cry in therapy? » pegasus, posted by sleepygirl2 on June 30, 2011, at 18:52:13
For me it was my father -- stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about, usually while he was hitting me with a belt. I became stoic, never showed any emotion except anger. NEVER cried. My husband cares about me, but he married this stoic ice-cube who never cried or showed much emotion and he is uncomfortable with my new, more vulnerable self.
For me therapy sessions were a huge relief, a place where I could ask for help and be vulnerable. So I cried constantly.
As far as the real/unreal nature of therapy, I've come to see it as less unreal. Once I said to my p-doc, this relationship is odd and he said what's odd for you is having to talk about issues in the relationship. He's also said he probably spends more time with me -- an hour a week -- than he does with many friends. What's unreal is that it is one-sided. I am vulnerable with him, but he is not vulnerable with me. I love him unreasonably but he does not share that love. I need him more than he needs me.
What's real is that he genuinely likes and cares about me and worries over my well-being. I genuinely like and care about him and worry over his well-being. What's unreal is that his well-being never comes up. If he got sick, I wouldn't have any role in his care.
He recommended this book to me a couple of years ago -- Olive Kitteredge, a great book. In it, this woman's husband has a near fatal stroke at the age of 70. My p-doc was 70 then and I said, you could have a stroke or heart attack. He said I could, but I have people I've taken care of who would take care of me. I started to cry because, what I really worried about was that I couldn't take care of him if he needed care. I would be cut out of his life.
Therapy is definitely strange. It's funny. I still see my p-doc weekly, though he and my DBT therapist agreed that primary responsibility for dealing with my depression and suicidality would belong to her. I see him because I don't want to stop seeing him. Today he said that I don't worry about whether my DBT therapist likes me or not, and this is true. I assume she likes me, but it doesn't worry me one way or another. But I worry whether he likes me or not, that he is still like a surrogate parent to me.
poster:emmanuel98
thread:989784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/989896.html