Posted by rjlockhart37 on May 20, 2013, at 22:12:30 [reposted on May 23, 2013, at 4:40:10 | original URL]
you know when I was teenager, all these people that were older than me realized I had some problems, and they where always concerned about me, polite, encouraging, from the ourside where supportive but after a while it faded....and I was left to basically myself, and what happened after that was I started using images I saw from magaizines of grandious images, and basically tried to put away the old needy, needing help, put it away. I can't really deal with it because im 26 and im still about 17 years old.
So after all this.....kinda of a abandonment phase, I started having self grandious images so its a coping mechanism and its what keeps me alive in social relms. But right now, im idle, staying at home, not getting envolved with that stuff because it feels safe....but I am going back to school, I can't sit like this in fear all the time... but when im forced to go somewhere put up frounts where I can actually show sympathy and care for people, the vary thing I need inside from long ago...but from horrid times of rejection, I had to make this new persona....I can't just be some little kid forever, time to grow up, whatever I didn't get when I was young, ill have to make it up with my new self image.
but grandious is the opposite spectrum of low self esteem, which at the bottem is feeling worthless and shame, the top is narcasstic feelings....self love.... I know there are a lot other people out there maybe that are going through the same thing what im going through....I just now have to be ready from being attacked....sometimes from the vary people who supported me when I was teenager....weird....
thanks for reading...
r
not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Nuvigil 250mg
encourage you to avoid false lights of enlightment and belief systems
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1044114
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1044114.html