Posted by g_g_g_unit on July 4, 2013, at 8:30:27
sorry, are we allowed to rant here? I'm not typically one to do so -- I am always trying to seek out solutions to my problems (however unwieldy, impractical) -- but I just think I'm beyond my breaking point.
I have SO much on my plate -- crippling OCD, agoraphobia, social isolation, unemployment, i.e. a life that's utterly undignifying, miserable and worthless for the most part.And YET, what I wouldn't do for just a moment's peace and quite among it all. But from the moment I wake up, I am treated to either our two dogs or one of the other five surrounding our house barking sporadically throughout the day (not consistently enough to warrant a complaint, but enough to constantly set me on edge); or my family (including two younger brothers) CONSTANTLY bickering, yelling, screaming at one another from upstairs/downstairs, and I can hear every single noise, conversation, argument or whatever through my paper-thin walls. From 3pm, when they get home, to 11pm at night, there is not a single moment of peace or quiet -- any kind of quiet activity seems completely beyond them. I've tried headphones, ear plugs, noise generators, but nothing's a particular sturdy solution. My anxiety makes leaving the house nearly impossible and there's very little I can do anyway (no money, can't concentrate/read which rules out libraries, no friends anymore).
I've dealt with this for 3 years. No source of income, no prospect of leaving. The rage, the bitterness is so consuming. I can't even fathom how this is my life anymore, especially at age 27; it's hell on earth. I don't mean to be self-pitying or overly dramatic, but with all the failed med trials, complete and utter state of disability and hostile living environment, I really can't see myself surviving another year.
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1046412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1046412.html