Posted by Anna Laura on July 18, 2001, at 4:33:36
In reply to aud/vis. halucinations???, posted by Gremmy on July 17, 2001, at 20:21:32
> I have been experiencing for the past 3 yrs. now a person that is visable to me and touches me. I know he's not there, and I get violent and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have cut myself. I recognize this person as someone I used to work around when I was an EMT for an ambulance company we both worked at. He was a jerk in real life and I can't understand why this is happening to me. I don't like being touched,pinched by other men and this is exactly what I perceive is happening to me and it has been effecting my whole being. Driving has even become a bad time, this crap comes on when I drive and turns me into an angry driver who only by some grace of God I haven't been in or caused a serious accident.
> I am still an EMT, I work at a mental health urgent care and I try to keep hidden this torture that is happening to me.
> Sometimes I can't sleep, my family has said that they have heard me say violent things at night, I have stabbed and slashed so many things to work out this anger that I have to keep buying new stuff and having to hide the damage I did to the other. A doctor put me on an anti-depressant "Zoloft" which I didn't like and quit taking. I am now on a weight loss med called "Meridia" which can be somewhat of an anti-depressant, but it's not helping me with this at all, only losing some weight which has been the only thing lately to make me happy. I have been suicidal,but I do not have the "guts" as it were to actually go through with it, I guess I fear Hell more than this so I just keep going along and cutting myself and other things. To tell ya the truth, if I actually saw this person and he were to touch me I would lose all sanity,if I haven't already, and I know I would kill him easily just like that. I have literally snapped at friends that have pinched me, going from easy going-funny guy to Dr. Jeckyl in a milli-second. I scare and worry myself, I don't know what to do anymore.Hi Gremmy,
I don't know you well enough to give you the right advice, and everybody is different. So i just can tell you what has been useful for me.
First: good thing you're aware of having/allucinations etc.... i've been psychotic my self and awareness saved me from the jaws of total madness.
Second: i was violent too. One night i destroied a car that was parked near me. I had do do it, otherwise i'd become a killer. Did you try your best to control your rage? I remember it was counter-productive (my anxiety grew worse when i got angry, moreover, rage is like a fire: the more angry you get, the more it grows, the more you can't control it).
1. Try to give yourself a spare place inside of you for positive feelings, like love and friendship: they can be powerful channels trough which you might find a "way out"; try to expand those areas: they are very useful and very potent antidotes against "madness" and discomfort.
2. Find a good therapist, a person you feel comfortable with.
3. Find the right medication, something that won't sedate you too much but that works.
4. Perhaps you'd benefit from a cognitive-behavioural therapy to control your rage.That's it, hope it helped you just a little bit....
poster:Anna Laura
thread:7564
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7595.html