Posted by Katt on May 23, 2002, at 23:17:22
In reply to Re: mental illness and work » Katt, posted by Mair on May 23, 2002, at 21:56:29
first, i just learned that as of june 14, i will lose my measly part time job. second, the job that i thought i was getting, the one that would have been wonderful and so on, looks like is going to fall through for me. they told me that i might be too "light" for the position. essentially, in the 10 months that i have been looking for work, i still have no real world work experience. now, i am feeling deadly. why does this happen to me?? how am i going to support myself? how am i supposed to live????
> Katt
>
> I hope you don't think I was minimizing the money issue. It's obviously very real and certainly has been a factor for me.i never considered you to be minimizing the money issue.
I'm not the sole support of anyone, including myself. I probably could have quit for awhile anyway, but it would have meant asking others to make sacrifices or putting alot more money pressure on my spouse, and I just didn't ever feel like I could ask for that.
>
i have no one to help me out...at all. its just me. no one else. my mom pleads with me to move back home, but that is the very place i vowed to never return. its painful, restrictive, dysfunctional. going back there will also demonstrate that i failed at being independent.
> The larger problem is that working like that really diminished my own view of myself and I'm not sure I've ever recovered from that.
>
you know what....i dont even know that i would be up to working if i were to have a serious job. i feel like death 24hrs a day. when things go wrong at work, i am not afraid to slip into the bathroom and hurt myself. but there is no net. nothing to save people that are falling apart from ending up on the streets.
> Would it be at all possible for you to find a different job which would allow you to keep body and soul together and still do this intensive program? I know this would mean a lesser job, probably unrelated to your degree, but doing something a little less pressured might not be such a bad idea.
>
i've tried applying to jobs in retail, basic office work, administrative assistants, etc, etc, but i get nothing. no responses. not even a call. those that do usually tell me they couldnt hire me because i'm overqualified. those within my field say i am underqualified. i've done everything in the last 10 months. i am started to feel drained and wasted.> I don't mean to influence you one way or the other, and there are obviously no easy answers. I'd hate to give up on a great job opportunity for a program that didn't prove to be so great, and of course I'd hate to do anything that might worsen my illness (although of course I've done plenty of that), particularly if it turned out that the job wasn't so great.
you are influencing me one way or the other. i am asking for the advice and feedback because i need it. but right now, it looks as though i am unemployed and i am not happy about that at all. i had a trickle of income before. now, i dont. and the tx program worries me. they assigned me to a woman that seems pretty unavailable outside of office time. plus she is just a trainee. remember, this is free care. its not the best. i am even having trouble getting my meds filled.
i realized today, that as long as i am alive, i will be unhappy. why does it seem like there has never been a point in my life where i was not anxious or worried or sad or treated unfairly? am i whining? i cannot recall a moment in my life where i was content. i just wish i was dead.
poster:Katt
thread:24303
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020523/msgs/24476.html