Posted by holymama on October 26, 2005, at 13:25:44
In reply to Re: thoughts, posted by Maynerd on October 25, 2005, at 14:51:20
> Yes, both my T and p-doc know about my insurance situation. As to my relationship with my T, I am able to trust one, but for some reason the trust thing is not as easy with the other. Since they both work for the school they are free for me to utilize however, so I do with what is there for me.
Ahhhh...free therapy at school. Yeah, I guess it would be easier to accept a therapist you don't totally jive with if he/she is free. Paying for therapy that is not the best, on the other hand, is a different story. It sounds like you're taking your health into your own hands a lot too, so that's great.
It is hard for me to share some of the more extreme thoughts and mental experiences with him; I am able to voice the depressed thoughts but I still am unsure how to share the manic experiences. I finally told him about travelling with spirits and communing with god, and how hard it was for me to give up that part of myself.Yeah, my therapist didn't understand my 'high on God' mania either. I always felt she was patronizing me when I talked to her about it, rather than what I wanted her to do, which was listen and understnad what a powerful experience it was for me. I agree, it is hard to give up. It does get old after a while though, don't you think? Especially the depressions that follow? And just not being stable in general? For me, being 'stable' seems sometimes boring, but I can be a good mother, I can be a regular old student who is consistent and responsible, and when my meds work right (homeopathy helps too), I feel bright, charming, witty, inspired, thoughts come easily...sort of like being hypomanic, but really just me 'at my best'. So I don't feel like I'm really giving up anything. Granted, on slightly dull and depressed days I wonder what it would be like to throw away my meds...but I'm learning to know better.
> I know that I am my own worst enemy with this, I foolishly stopped talking my meds for a while because I missed the emotional intensity of the highs. It is really hard for me, I lived for 35+ years in that storm and feel really strange when they are not there all the time. Funny how I only remember the good times until I am in the middle of the bad. I've been back on for about a week so hopefully the balance will return soon.Good luck with that. I'll be thinking of you.
> I envy your strength with giving up pot and alcohol, it has really been a tough battle for me. The intelligent me recognizes that smoking affects my thoughts in ways that aren't always best for me, but the other part of me stills tries to run the show. I have been trying to excersise every day, a bp friend and I go walk in the woods at least 3 times a week which has been quite helpful. Not just the walking, also the blessing of having someone to share my twisting thoughts with to find out what is real and what is...My pdoc check in with me every meeting to see if I'm doing 4 things: 1.exercising 4 times a week 2.getting sunlight every day 3. eating well 4. sleeping well. She also checks on my social life and makes sure I'm still recreation - chemical free (I'm not perfect either -- a drink here and there, or like last Friday night 4 drinks that led to a 3 day hangover!!! No joke. It must be mixing the alcohol with Lithium). So for the most part I do these things, and the list gives me something to mentally check off every day. It sounds like you do a lot of those things. Think about what you're not doing well with on that list and think about how you could work on it. It might help.
~~Autumn~~
poster:holymama
thread:571559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051021/msgs/572102.html