Posted by PhoenixGirl on July 21, 2006, at 21:33:48
I am considering cutting my wrists with my boxcutter. I just want to bleed to death and finally find some peace after 16 years of chronic clinical depression. My depression is interfering with my ability to work and there is no one to take care of me when I get this sick. I have no health insurance and will not be living in this town long enough to get through all the red tape to see the public mental health people. My sister is not speaking to me and my father told me today that my suicidal ideations were "dumb". I wish neither of my parents were living so I would not have to worry about the suffering they would endure after my death. They are elderly and in bad health, and I hate to put it this way, but they may not have much longer. But I don't know how much longer it will be. If I committed suicide, it wouldn't be a surprise at least, since I've attempted it three times when I was a teenager and have had shock treatments several years ago. Right now I know I'm going to cut my arm superficially so I can imagine dying and escaping from this hell. I'm not going to a hospital because I've been hospitalized before, yet look where I am now. Some people truly are better off dead and I believe I am one of them. Sixteen years of trying to overcome depression is enough to realize I am failing at it.
poster:PhoenixGirl
thread:669205
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060721/msgs/669205.html