Posted by surfergirl on July 5, 2009, at 11:18:28
In reply to Re: need strength re toxic birth mom ??**trigger**??, posted by Timne on July 3, 2009, at 20:51:40
Hi Timne,
You are so eloquent & I have re-read your script about 15 times. Your words to the un-mom are very helpful for me to just have in my head, even if I don't use them all.
> "Mom that was so kind of you to recognize you weren't up to raising us. I wish I could do more to support your needs, but I fear I'll only make things worse for you because, well, we just never got to know each other well enough for me to be a good friend and your long lost daughter, too. I was so busy, I really couldn't find the space emotionally or otherwise to meet with you. If you enjoy my company and find it helpful in dealing with your loss as a parent, I hope you'll find the courage to stay in touch."
>
I probably will just call her, but in the future, cards seem like the best way to stay in touch or Facebook.
> some such approach -- maybe in a card she can save or tear up or whatever -- would a. affirm her lack of qualification as a parent and the value of her recognizing that b. clarify that her reason for wanting to see you is to meet her needs and c. establish that if she does visit with you, it's because she finds you fun to be with. sometimes a little grease makes things slide better...
>
>thank you!
poster:surfergirl
thread:904810
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090624/msgs/905064.html