Posted by Racer on August 7, 2006, at 22:13:16
OK, this is a nice mud puddle that some of you might understand. A little background, then the dilemma:
Background:
I'm middle aged, never finished my degree, and am very ashamed of that. After several years of being seriously depressed -- disabling -- I signed up to take a couple of classes at the local community college the past spring. I'm still taking classes there, but trying not to tell myself it's for a degree -- even though that's really what I want. I know, though, that as soon as I say that's what I'm going for, I'm going to start being crazy about it. I'll start trying to take too many classes, and I do have to get an A in every class I take, always. Heck, I have to get an A on every TEST, so you know every class has to end in a vowel...
And I get intense, and I get overwhelmed, and I get hopeless, etc. I know all this.
One other reason I am not saying that I am going for a degree is that this is a jr college -- only two years. After that, if I want a degree, I have to transfer to a four year school, which is gi-normously expensive (relatively, that is), and the costs change at 6 units: if you take up to 6 units, you're part time, and it's about two thirds of the cost of taking more than 6 units. Now, since most of the classes I'm interested in would tick me over 6 units, that means I'd be paying for full time status, but probably only taking two classes, for a grand total of 7 or 8 units, so not cost effective, and I know I'd be trying to take half a dozen classes, so I don't drain our resources for years trying to get a degree that does nothing except please me.
That's all background.
For Fall, I've already enrolled in two classes -- Physiological Psych, and Trig/Pre-calc. The Psych class is online, the Trig/Pre-calc in in classroom. I'm thinking, though, that I might want to sign up for a class in American History -- get it out of the way, since I've been dreading it for 25 years, and it's required for any degree in this state, and also required to transfer. But then again, maybe that's just me trying to set things up so that I get so overwhelmed that I quit entirely. I'm not sure.
Part of me is saying, "But now I've got a few classes under my belt, I know two of the instructors and they know and like me, and the History can't be that bad... I enjoy maths, I think I'll be interested by the Psych class -- adding History wouldn't really be too bad..."
Another part is saying, "You can't do it. You know you can't do it. You're just going to fall apart again, you'll be miserable -- you might even get yourself back into the hospital if you try."
I can't tell which voice is making more sense. I will bring this up with my T, but I wonder what those of you familiar with me from this place think?
Thanks!
poster:Racer
thread:674700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20060709/msgs/674700.html