Posted by Jost on August 20, 2006, at 17:48:57
In reply to Unfortunately... » Fallsfall, posted by Racer on August 20, 2006, at 14:47:33
Racer, don't forget--there's a very good chance you did get an A.
The anxiety is terrible, and it's going to be upsetting if you don't get it. I'm not saying you won't be upset.
Until it happens, it's important to work on believing that you did okay. Whatever okay is. Because you are okay. Period.
I know that A seems to mean you're okay, you're special, that you're entitled to respect, your place in the room, no one can look down on you, so many things.
On this one, I've really been there, done that.
I know I would feel awful if I got anything other than an A on a test. Which is why I;ve avoided taking tests ever since HS.
it's so crazy, though, the thing about grades, A's, being "smart," etc. "It" ('it' being whatever really does matter) is so not about A's. It's not about shining or being a quick study, or looking good to the teachers or other students. I mean, that's all good-- and worthwhile, in a certain way. But in the end, that's so porous, so thin.
Let me repeat: I think you probably did get an A.
But I'd like you to consider, for the future--not now-- the fact that A is an illusion. It means nothing.
Or it means that on a certain day, you knew some material-- or you didn't.
It means nothing about whether you have any ideas, or any imagination, a passion to invest yourself in some type of work--whatever work you personally find meaning in.
That, ultimately, is all that matters. The point where my life started-- even if it is a mess, truly, in lots of ways, and even if most of the work I've done ends up in the trash, which there's a good chance it will-- was when I realized that "talent," the approval, or special regard of teachers, or status, or any of that wasn't the point.
The point is what I cared about, what activity, or work, or thing, felt meaningful enough to me, for me to bother spending my time, my energy, on it. I really stopped caring much about whether anyone thought I had talent, or whether I was successful--not that being successful isn't a great thing, of course.
What I really value is the chance to do the work that I want to do. I could get a million A's-- or A+'s-- and so what?
I don't believe I'm second=rate. Or that you are. I don't care that much what anyone else thinks. I mean I do--but I don't. Not enough to let it ruin my life, anyway.
I think if you find the things you really need to do, that you really have a deep connection to-- you'll be okay. yeah-- you'll probably get A's-- but even if you don't, ultimately, you'll do something very worthwhile. Much more worthwhile than getting an A.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:676493
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20060709/msgs/678526.html