Posted by sekou on November 12, 2006, at 7:23:21
In reply to I ruined my life *trigger*, posted by Deneb on September 24, 2006, at 18:52:37
I am so sure of it! You can benefit
from talking to someone professional
(in addition to using this award-winning
babble-board to vent). It's a life-saver for me.I sounded like you too.
After Student teaching one day and
having a major fight (a physical one) with
my ex, I went to class in pain (in and out).I had the worse session with my students
and one decided to tell me that I was
a failure of a teacher and a gawd-aweful
student apparently.I had a major depressive episode after that
and (literally) wanted to harm myself.In tears and with a broken jaw...
I walked RIGHT OVER to our Student Union Building which houses A Counseling and
Psychiatric group (for free). I told the
receptionist that, "I want to die right now."Ok, so she directed me to the damn
computers and I did the depression checklist.
I did other intake stuff and was diagnosed with Severe Depression. The next day, I was
assigned an angel - the BEST therapist (for me at least and at that time).It was divine.
I saw her for 1 1/2 years. It was tough
to make it to her sessions.
She was brutally honest, but so
compassionate as a practitioner.Things are never perfect.
Which is the way life is supposed to be.I went to Durban, SA to conduct a research
study on violence against girls in schools.
I lived with some of the villagers
and township people in the thick of it all.Guess what?
They were the happiest people I've ever met.
I cried when I left them.Especially the children; and they were in severely
abusive situations.However, their resilience boggled the mind.
Of course, the lesson is...happiness is
contextually relative (poetic lic). You are
loved and you'll get the healing you
need when you start looking for it.Best -J
I needed that. I hope you find some safe space to vent these self-depricating feelings. It will save your life and your academic career too.
> I've dropped a lot of courses. I've also failed a lot of courses. I don't know my material. I feel like I haven't learned anything. I'm not competent. I've ruined my life. I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I will work in fast food for the rest of my life.
>
> I feel like such a loser. I skip final exams. I waste thousands of dollars.
>
> I'm not smart enough. I'm not hard working enough.
>
> I have no future. I can't do anything. I may as well be dead. I'm useless.
>
> My parents should kick me out and leave me homeless. I don't deserve all that they've given me.
>
> I wish I could start over, from the very beginning. I've messed up big time. I've ruined my grades.
>
> I'm getting old. I'm going nowhere. I don't want to face life, it's too scary.
>
> I'll never graduate. Even if I graduate, I'll do nothing with my degree.
>
> I should just die or something. :-(
>
> Deneb*
poster:sekou
thread:688796
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20060709/msgs/702768.html