Posted by gardenergirl on December 10, 2006, at 12:08:44
In reply to transference, posted by philyra on December 10, 2006, at 11:43:20
I can really relate, and I know how confusing and painful it is. It's good that you're thinking about in an insightful way. Recognizing it is definitely the first step! :)
For me two things helped. One, I processed the heck out of it in therapy--not just this particular transference relationship, but more broadly the needs, wishes, and other stuff I was transferring to several male authority figures. (It's a father thing for me, too.)
The other thing, which might be more directly useful for you, is that my T was very good at re-framing the relationship for me. Whenever I had a meeting or some other thing coming up with this prof, my T would remind me that it was really a "business transaction". I needed something from him, and I needed to ask for it. Or vice versa. This was an advisor and supervisor, so I met with him alot. I had to keep reminding myself that this was a "business meeting", nothing more, and I had an agenda to stick to.
It's strange to think of a meeting with an academic person as "business", but I look at it (with my T's help) as me being "in the business of" getting my degree. It's about me getting my degree because that's what I want. That doesn't belong to anyone else.
Good luck with this. You can get past it and keep the relationship. It actually works better, then.
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:712151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20060709/msgs/712161.html