Posted by partlycloudy on May 27, 2005, at 5:56:33
In reply to hurt?.., posted by justyourlaugh on May 26, 2005, at 23:11:53
I had been trying to get myself to this group for over a year. Got directions fromt he moderator, who kept calling me, to find when I was ever going to show up. I told her last year that I was not ready and didn't know if I could ever be.
My path is full of fits and starts, self doubt is huge. Self esteem is non-existent, especially if that first drink has passed my lips. Even now, I cannot say that I'm firmly on this path. All I know is that I must keep on trying. That there has to be a way for me to get better. I am reading like a mad woman, looking for wisdom, others' experiences, and guidance. I only know for certain that I do deserve a sober life that allows me to deal with life's problems without the artificial cushion that drinking lends for a brief time.
Don't be hurt by my journey. You can share in it, vicariously if you like. It might not be what you want? And, I did have to take xanax to get myself to that first meeting! Even feeling the warmth and caring from the rest of the group did not ease my anxiety. Sure, they welcome me now. What about when they really get to know me? That's at the heart of my dilema. I want to fit in. I want to recover. I am terrified of another failure. I am frightened of being abandonded by this group.
But all I find in them is acceptance.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:502159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050506/msgs/503529.html