![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Gracie2 on January 26, 2001, at 0:56:30
My friend just married a divorced man with 2 kids. For some reason (and whatever it is, I doubt if it's a good enough reason) the man left his kids with his first wife after they were divorced, even though he knew she neglected and abused them. She used to lock them in a room while she went out bar-hopping, and she reportedly also beat them.Thankfully, my friend has taken these 2 kids into her home. The little girl, who is about 10, picks and picks at the skin on her face until it bleeds. I think she needs psychiatric help but my friend believes that she just needs a stable home and will grow out of the face-picking.
Does anyone else have an opinion on this?
-Gracie
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 27, 2001, at 2:34:44
In reply to Worried about friend's daughter, posted by Gracie2 on January 26, 2001, at 0:56:30
> I think she needs psychiatric help but my friend believes that she just needs a stable home and will grow out of the face-picking.
Take her to someone and see what they think? They might agree that a stable home is the best idea...
Bob
Posted by Rzip on February 6, 2001, at 23:04:10
In reply to Re: Worried about friend's daughter, posted by Dr. Bob on January 27, 2001, at 2:34:44
> > I think she needs psychiatric help but my friend believes that she just needs a stable home and will grow out of the face-picking.
>
> Take her to someone and see what they think? They might agree that a stable home is the best idea...
She might grow out of face-picking, but that is just a symptom of underlying causes. Some children have very sensitive personalities, and especially in those cases, childhood stressors could trigger onset of psychiatric disorders later on in life. I agree with Dr. Bob, she should be evaluated. If nothing else, she should be given the opportunity to express herself in a safe and comfortable environment, like that of a therapist's office.- Rzip
Posted by Sulpicia on February 7, 2001, at 16:00:51
In reply to Worried about friend's daughter, posted by Gracie2 on January 26, 2001, at 0:56:30
Hi Gracie --
Sounds like several things going on at once! Your newly married friend may be acting a bit zealously about her new role as step-mom. Perhaps the possibility of a psychiatric disorder, and so not amenable to her sense of herself as fabulous wife and mother is causing a bit of denial?
As to the face picking, take my personal experience for what you will. My daughter has bipolar II disorder; when she gets really stressed or more depressed, she picks on her face. To the point of scarring. Her pdoc mentioned it to me and said it was a flare-up of OCD [obsessive compulsive disorder] and came from stress that she couldn't figure out how to relieve in any other way.
I'm not saying that this is the case with your friend's child. It might be that the picking is related to stress.It seems to me that all kids should be evaluated by a therapist during and after a divorce. This child would certainly benefit from an evaluation.
The face picking is problematic and should be stopped ASAP. Not only will it become a habit that's difficult to break, it can easily cause scarring, and the blood and scabs will make her peers tease her -- then she'll feel even worse, and possibly pick more.
If these kids were in an abusive situation prior to the remarriage, it's all the more reason that a therapist should be involved. Love goes a long way but it doesn't cure psycho-pathology.
It may come down to figuring out how to get around your friend's ego involvement in this situation [tact, lies, whatever it takes] so this child can get the help she needs.
Good luck,
S.
Posted by Ann NY on May 11, 2001, at 16:12:24
In reply to Worried about friend's daughter, posted by Gracie2 on January 26, 2001, at 0:56:30
My cousins moved in with my family after being taken away from their manic-depressive mother.
The little girl, 5 yr., started pulling out all her eye lashes at night. She was taken to a dermatologist who did allergy test etc. Basically, it was stress/emotional. It stopped after a couple of months.
Years of neglect and abuse require a very long time to heal. Hopefully she is in a loving and stable house now. I'm sure she needs a tremendous amount of love and attention. Also, I'm sure these kids are stressing your friend out with their understandable neediness.
My cousin is still struggling with issues, she's 23 now.
I hope these young children fair well. Maybe you could help supply some extra attention -i.e. take each out individually for and Ice cream or pizza once and a while. I used to have neighbors who were refugee from Bosnia. I used to take the 7 year old out for the same and it meant a great deal to her.
P.S.: My cousins' situation was very bad and it was obvious they had problems. But be careful not to say the obvious or critizie. My cousin's pre-school teacher call ME down (an 8th grader) to tell me Liz had problems and was crying out for attention. NO KIDDING. She was so out of line. But of course she didn't volunteer to help. And my parents were doing everything they could. Wounds need time to heal. Please be sensitive to all involved.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Parents | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.