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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 150. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 11:00:07
I can't deal with this transference stuff anymore. After my first therapist terminated, my pdoc said I should start therapy again. I replied how I didn't want to for fear of having an "obsession" start again. Well, I was right. I feel so stuck...Now I spend all day thinking about my old and new therapist. Why do I do this to myself? I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Is this really somehow good? I want to get out of therapy now, but I can't. It would be too painful. I'm so stuck. I just want to hurt myself. The therapists want to make you feel cared for and all that...well, its all a bunch of bull**** That's their job. We are all just one of many, many clients they have. Clients come and go and it means nothing to them. Meanwhile, you are hooked in like somekind of pathetic puppy dog. Urrgh!!!!!!!
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2003, at 11:34:58
In reply to Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 11:00:07
It's been my experience that the transference feelings get a lot less painful when they're experienced and accepted. If you find that's true for you, and you don't find therapy otherwise helpful, you might be able to terminate at that point.
I know it feels that way about our therapists feelings sometimes. And it's certainly true (or should be) that they don't lie awake nights thinking about us. But I kind of think of them as teachers. They have a lot of students, while students have just a few teachers. But that doesn't mean they don't care about the students (unless they're totally burned out).
I do think a big part of finding our feelings less painful is to come to know and accept the limits of the therapeutic relationship. But really, it's a pretty cool relationship when you think about it. You can't come to therapy and have your therapist say she doesn't feel up to discussing your problems today. Your therapist isn't (or shouldn't) yell at you when they've had a bad day or when you've hurt their feelings. They're supposed to be there for you as long as you need them. Sure, it's just an hour or two a week, but if it were more often than that, they probably wouldn't be able to keep up the consistent positive regard. (grin) So I've come to terms with the limits, and decided they suit me just fine.
Posted by fallsfall on August 15, 2003, at 12:23:03
In reply to Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 11:00:07
How long have you been in therapy with your old and new therapists?
I left my first therapist because of some very painful transference feelings that were not being dealt with. I was with my new therapist probably 5 or 6 weeks when I felt the SAME transference with him. I was amazed. I was amazed at the speed, and I was amazed at how identical the two transference experiences were. My new therapist is psychodynamic (my old was CBT, she didn't really "do" transference) - and he was able to do something in about 20 minutes that made me feel SO much better. I couldn't really listen to what he was saying, because I was experiencing it, so I can't really tell you what he said.
So my experience is that therapists with different theoretical orientations have different abilities to deal with certain issues.
I also think that it is true that my first therapist taught me some things (i.e. coping skills) that my new therapist might not be able to do.
You do have options. Before I left my first therapist, I consulted with a therapist that I had for group therapy years ago. She happens to be Psychodynamic. She calmed me down and helped me to organize myself so that I could start to deal with this. Have you talked to your current therapist in detail about your problem? I believe that I thought that I was being clearer with my first therapist than I really was (though I don't think it would have made any difference).
You are in a really hard position, but there are things that you can do:
1. Talk more to your therapist
2. Talk to a different therapist
3. Talk to a therapist with a different orientation
4. Ask your pdoc what he thinks you should do (I did this and he said I should leave - and they were across the hall from each other)
5. Read about transference (Try Dinah's recommendation: "In Session")
6. Eat ice cream
7. Eat more ice creamNote that I didn't include "Hurt yourself". I truly do sympathize. But it really won't help the situation at all, and I think that you are worth more than that. There are other things that will be more productive.
I have been in transference hell. Let me know how it goes.
Posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 18:15:42
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2003, at 11:34:58
Somedays I can accept the limiations of the therapeutic relationship easier than other days. Perhaps its because I won't be seeing my therapist for three weeks, yet I can't let her go in my mind. Three weeks seems like such a long time. Then I get mad at myself for being so pathetic. It frustrates me so much that I spend so much time thinking about it. I'm just not having a very good day. Some days I seem to keep things in much better perspective than others. Its good that you can appreciate the benefits of the therapeutic relationship without wanting more. Of course, you get to see your therapist twice a week. I see mine once per week if I'm lucky. Anyway, thanks for listening to me and talking to me about this. It helps to know that there are other people out there who understand. This is not something I feel conmfortable discussing with any of my friends, not to mention that none of them are around right now. The whole damn world is on vacation!
Posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 18:33:39
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 15, 2003, at 12:23:03
Thanks so much for your understanding. I wish I could say as much to my husband who was just giving me a hard time for going to this board. He's so f'ing supportive sometimes!(i'm being sarcastic). I'm sure I haven't been much of a pleasure to live with over the past couple of years, but he certainly isn't helping matters right now.
Anyway, back to your post, I saw my old therapist only for 6 months. She had to terminate becasue it was the end of her internship (big mistake to go into therapy with an inexperienced intern). She had no idea howto handle transference and it clearly scared the hell out of her which made it even worse and more shamefulo for me. My new therapist is very experienced and feels comfortbale (I think) dealing with transference. Wehave just strated talking about it and she admitted that she has been waiting for it to happen. She doesn't think I can deal with it unless I'm involved in a transference reaction. I'm hoping she is right and that somehow these feeling will diminish. Have they for you? I think I have been struggling with it today in particular is that I am kind of upset that I won't be seeing her for three weeks. I feel so pathetic being upset about this.
Thanks for the tips on what to do. I will talk to her about it more during my next appointment. In the mean time I'll just deal and post messages and listen to everyone's experiences and insight. I msut go put the kids to bed... Thank you so much for listening and sympathizing..
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2003, at 19:00:24
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Dinah, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 18:15:42
Egads! Three weeks!
Mine goes away for work about a week a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. Plus vacations. He'll be gone the last week of August.
At the moment I'm having my doubts about the value of therapy too. :((
Posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 8:24:03
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 18:33:39
There are a lot of similarities to our situations.
Transference with old therapist who didn't know how to deal with it.
Experienced new therapist who can deal with transference
Those d***ed vacations!!!!!
Just after my new therapist did his 20 minutes of magic he went on vacation for 2 weeks. He wasn't leaving right away, so he did see me on the Monday that began his vacation - I feel lucky. I'll see him in 3 days 2 hours and 45 minutes. He gave me his cell phone number so I could call if I needed to. Of course I don't want to call him on vacation. I'm managing, but even though I haven't been seeing him for very long, I need him. I also need my old therapist. I think I need the new one because he helps me deal with not having the old one.
Three weeks is a very long time. Will you know how to cope? Do you have emergency coverage? At least Babble will be here!
You have kids, right? I find that one of the greatest distractions is to do something with my kids. I find it hard to be motivated to do stuff for me, but I can pull it together to do things for them. Plus, they make things more fun.
Hang in there! Each day you make it through is one fewer day before he gets back from vacation.
Posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 13:27:19
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2003, at 19:00:24
Tell me why you are having doubts about therapy?
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2003, at 13:36:45
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Dinah, posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 13:27:19
I was just in a bad mood about my therapist. For one thing, he has different therapy goals than I do, and we're skirmishing a bit on refining them.
For another thing, I'm annoyed about the approximately one week a month he spends at his other job.
And although I don't think he had done it yet when I wrote this, yesterday he told me that I should just do my work anyway, no matter how I feel. What brilliant advice. My problems are solved.
So I was just venting a bit.
However, after a nasty experience with my first Seroquel last night, I'm back to thinking therapy isn't so bad. :) There are side effects, but not as many as meds.
Posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 13:47:29
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 8:24:03
It does sound like we have a very similar situation. Do you still think about your old therapist much? Its been a year since we terminated, and I still look for her car where ever I go. She drives a blue Audi. Do you know how many blue Audi's there are on the road? 1,000,000's! I've almost gotten in car accidents trying to figure out if it was her driving by. Its so crazy, I wish I could make it go away.
I'm going out of town for a couple of days camping with my kids and husband. When I get back on Tuesday there is a chance I could see my therapist again, but I feel so pathetic calling as if I can't survive without her. Is it better to admit you need her and see her as often as you can, or is it better to be strong and try to get along without her? I seem to try to get along without her and then my "weaker" side gives in.
How old are your kids? My boys are 4 and 7. They do keep me distracted. They also force me to keep it together. I am so afraid that my mental state will impact them. I think our camping trip should be a really good distraction.
Posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 14:24:00
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by Dinah on August 16, 2003, at 13:36:45
Yes, its funny how our feelings about our therapists can change so quickly. Sometimes you just want them to have more positive impact than they do, and other times you think they are wonderful. Who knows, it probably depends on the phase of the moon :-) Venting always helps on those less impactful days. What was the seroquel prescribed for?
Posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 15:30:49
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 13:47:29
I left my old therapist 2 months ago. When I drive through town, there is a short cut (it really is shorter) that goes past her office. I look in her windows to see if the lights are on. She has either been taking time off (not her vacation, I know when that was) or she's working with the lights off (seems strange to me).
I think about her whenever I am feeling bad - I used to be able to think about her and feel warm and fuzzy. Now I just feel empty. Today I was thinking about her, wanting to see her, but when I started thinking about the conversation I didn't want to see her any more. Sometimes I fantasize that I'm there to see my pdoc (across the hall) and she wants to talk to me. It is so hard to go from "The sun rises and sets on you" to "You hurt me so much I can't stand it" (some of that may be the black and white of my being Borderline).
In my early days with her she drove a green Windstar. The license plate had 7's, 8's, and 9's, but I didn't learn the order. It's easier to check the license plate than to see who is driving. She is on her 2nd car since that, and I don't know what kind of car it is. I wish I did, because then I could check for the car in the parking lot as well as the lights in the office.
She wasn't comfortable with my dependency, so from fairly early on she discouraged me from calling or scheduling extra appointments. There were some exceptions - at the end I could call if I needed to be admitted to the hospital (but I've gotten the impression that this probably isn't the way to go). I talked about my dependency during sessions a lot. So I don't really know the best way to handle it. I'm sure she'll be glad to talk about what the guidelines should be. I really think that it is different for each therapist.
My kids are 20, 18, 15. Only one left in high school! Your vacation sounds like fun. I hope you can immerse yourself in your family and in nature.
I worry about my mental state hurting my kids, too. They get whatever sanity I might have, the rest of the world can wait. I figure that if I obsess over it that I will have less sanity for them. I guess it is good incentive to get better.
All we can do is the best that we can do.
Have a good trip!
Posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 18:25:32
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 15:30:49
Wow, you sound like me! ie driving past the office, fantasizing about her wanting to talk...why does this happen? Actually, I have so much anger towards her now that I always fantasize about what I will say to her when I inevitably run into her one day. I was thinking of screaming "Ilove you" to really scare her and then flipping her the bird. But I know me, and most likely I will just drop my head and keep walking. I wonder if she has any idea how much pain she has caused, or I guess how much pain I have caused myself over this. I just hope my therapy doesn't end like this again. I notice that I think about my old therapist a lot more when my new therpist is on vacation or away. I'm so glad my new therapist lives out of town and I don't know what kind of car she drives. I NEVER want to know this. I like not having any incentive to look for her. She's only in town twice per week...that is so much better. God forbid I have two look for two types of cars. Anyway, I've enjoyed chatting with you...be back on Tuesday.
stebby
Posted by allisonf on August 16, 2003, at 22:43:41
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 18:25:32
Just wanted to join in, sorry I'm late. I too am obsessed with my therapist--she's my first and only. So far. I can't imagine ever leaving her, but from what I've been reading here, I'm thinking that consulting with a psychodyamic therapist might be worthwhile. My therp is CBT, but she did a lot of psychodynamic training (I think she went to one of those institutes) so at the very least, I'm going to quiz her about her experience and ask how a psychoanalyst would handle this transference.
My husband is always asking why I bother with therapy when I sometimes end up worse at the end of the session than when I went in (then again, he is definitely a little jealous of my therapist). I am like you stebby, I have a hard time accepting that the therapeutic relationship has to stay in the office...even tho I completely understand it on an intellectual level. I do all the things all of you have said you do (first she had her dad's old Volvo, now a Suburu) and it is a strange comfort to me that I am not alone in doing them.
I'm still waiting to see if someone posts a good "resolution of my transference" story in one of these threads.
I have kids too--2 girls, ages 3 and 5. I am so so worried about the effect of my ups and downs and my pill taking and my therapy obsession, etc. has on them. I try not to read too much about it, but I was wondering if you all have thoughts on this or ways that you have handled it, what you say to them, etc.
Hope you had a good camping trip, s!
Posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 23:23:56
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 18:25:32
I think that the therapists have to share some of the blame for the pain. It is their job to resolve it. If the pain isn't resolving then I think that they haven't done their job.
I know that I couldn't talk with my old therapist about what happened. I could smile and say "Hi". I might be able to say "I'm doing OK. Dr. X is working out fine. How are you?" But that would be it. She wouldn't push.
I'm missing my old therapist's comfort while the new guy is on vacation. But no way do I want to see her face to face. I thought about listening to her answering machine today.
Sigh.
Hope you are enjoying the stars.
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 0:45:55
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by allisonf on August 16, 2003, at 22:43:41
Chuckle. That was what my husband said the other day too!!!! That I'm often in worse shape when I leave therapy than when I go in. And when is he going to fix me already!
I have no real way of explaining that the reason is that in therapy I access the feelings I so often keep blocked, and so naturally I'm more unstable after. Now whether or not that's a good thing I don't know.
I know what car my therapist drives but for a slightly different reason. I've run into him a couple of times outside therapy because we live really close to one another. And no, I didn't find that out on purpose. I had hoped he lived way across town and found out differently accidentally. When I found out, I asked what would happen if I accidentally backed my car into his or something. Would he still be my therapist? And he said, yes, so long as I have insurance. lol. I have this thing where I don't want to see or talk to him *at all* outside the therapy room. So when I saw him in the stores I ran off before he could see me. Once I admitted it to him, once I didn't bother. But the second time there were only a few cars in the parking lot, and he had told me generally what sort of car he drove and there was only one. So I made a note of the license plate. Now whenever I go to a local store, I check all similar cars to make sure it isn't his. I haven't seen his yet, but if I do, I'll skip going to the store. Last thing I want is to run across him at the drugstore with heaven only knows what in his basket, and be confronted with heaven only knows what about the real person. Yech. Or, even more awkward, running into him with his family or when I have mine. "Son, this is my therapist." I don't think so.
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 0:47:05
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 23:23:56
To borrow from another thread, Don't pick up that phone! Or at least not until your new therapist comes back in town to process whatever emotions it brings up.
But I know I don't have to tell you that. :)
Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 6:21:34
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 0:47:05
Posted by allisonf on August 18, 2003, at 21:35:44
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 0:45:55
It's funny b/c it seems like most of us are wanting to find out all this info about our therapists (ie. cars, etc.) so that we can find ways to run into them, but you use the information to make sure you do *not* run into yours! I can definitely see how some situations (like the drug store) could be incredibly awkward. I can honestly say that I really don't want to know what kind of birth control my therapist is using!
Did your therapist ever ask you about those times when you saw him and ran off or didn't he know you were there? Once I ran into my therapist right before session getting coffee at Starbucks. It was the most uncomfortable thing. I ran over to the milk area before she did b/c I didn't want her to see me using half&half (she is so thin, I'm sure she uses skim), then we took the elevator together and it was just so weird making small talk. I admire you for trying to avoid those situations.
I was thinking of you today when I drove thru my therapist's town (for another reason). If she lived close to me, I would just be constantly looking for her! How do you do it? BTW, that's so funny what he said about the insurance! lol
Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2003, at 0:03:16
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Dinah, posted by allisonf on August 18, 2003, at 21:35:44
He can be funny, especially when I come up with some of my harebrained questions. :) His flexibility of thought is what makes him a good therapist for me.
I've only run into him twice, although I have a constant subliminal sort of radar going. It was at the book store the night after my psych testing. I could swear I heard his laugh, thought I was being paranoid because I had an armful of psych books about testing (I didn't cheat, it was after), and peeked. Sure enough, it was him. I dumped the books on whatever aisle I was on and ran like a startled hare out of that store. That time I discussed it with him, because I was afraid he had seen me. I 'fessed up about the books, too.
We had already discussed that I didn't like seeing him outside of the therapy room, not even in the waiting room. I was rather blunt about it once, so he quit escorting me out. He does have to escort me in, but he doesn't make small talk. I just don't think of him as therapist-him outside of the therapy room. He's this almost-stranger who's seen me emotionally naked more times than I can count while he's always been emotionally clothed. It's awkward.
I got pretty upset when I found out I could easily walk to his house on an evening stroll. I quizzed him about the local groceries and such. We do go to the same restaurants apparently, but not yet at the same time. And we use the same drugstore. But by the time I found out, he had already lived there for a year, and he quite rightly pointed out that if it hadn't been a problem in all that time, it probably wouldn't be.
So when I saw him at the drugstore I ducked down a side aisle, kept tabs on where he was, dropped off my prescription, and made my escape. I don't think he saw me, and it didn't seem important enough to mention. He knows I hate to see him already. I saw him walking in his building Friday. I was a bit ahead of him, ducked into an elevator, and prayed it would take off before he came in. He must have slowed down, because it did. Once I slowed down, but not enough, and had to ride up the elevator while he was wolfing down a candy bar for lunch.
Posted by stebby on August 19, 2003, at 14:17:12
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by allisonf on August 16, 2003, at 22:43:41
Hi Allison, Reading one of your old posts is the reason I first decided to post on this board...it sounded so much like me...it hadn't occured to me that there might actually be other people out there going through similar situations. I too am waiting for the thread that describes how the transference works itself out. I have to say that this time around I am a little more accepting of it versus my firsttransferences experience with a therapist when the feelings nearly blind sided me. At least now I can say, ok, this is just transference and there is a reason its happening. (These rational thoughts are on my more "stable" days.) Other days I feel so desperate to escape it since I know the longing will never be reciprocated. Of course, there is always the secret hope that it somehow my feelings will be reciprocated...and then another realization that it won't happen...its a viscious cycle!
How long have you been in therapy and why did you go into it? Have you let your therapist in on the extent of your transference feelings?
Regarding what to do so you don't affect the kids is a question I often ponder. I am just trying to connect with them as much as I can. I finally entered therapy when my little one asked me if I ever smiled anymore. That was heartbreaking! I am so afraid they will end up like me. They definitely force me to keep it together. I guess we can only do the best we can do.
Posted by stebby on August 19, 2003, at 14:27:55
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 23:23:56
Camping was a very good distraction. I think being away gets my mind off of therapist obsessions. In fact part of me doesn't want to go back to therapy because it just re-intensifies the feelings. I always wonder what would have happened if I never entered therapy and just took AD's. all of this would have never happened and my depression would have probably improved anyway. Will I somehow be better in the long run? Does anyone have an answer? Should I stop going...maybe I'm strong enough to make the break.
How are you anyway?
Posted by allisonf on August 19, 2003, at 16:01:02
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by Dinah on August 19, 2003, at 0:03:16
I guess he's probably right that if you haven't run into him that often after a year of living so close, it isn't likely to happen very frequently. I can't imagine how weird it would be to run into my therp while taking an evening stroll! And I can totally see about the psych testing books experience (did he do your testing?) It would seem like your hands were caught in the cookie jar even tho they really weren't.
I just have to tell you I thought it was the funniest image when you described your therp wolfing down a candy bar while in the elevator with you! ROFL!
Posted by allisonf on August 19, 2003, at 16:47:53
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 19, 2003, at 14:17:12
Glad you had a good trip camping! A little time with nature is always a good thing.
I actually think that's sort of cool that your transference replicated itself so quickly with your new therapist (like fallsfall). Like you said, it almost normalizes the feelings by showing that they are not as much love for your therapist as a reflection of old schemas and issues. But knowing that and feeling it are two separate things, I know! Intellectually, I know the bulk of it doesn't have to do with her, but then when I see her and she looks so pretty and kind, I can't help feeling love for her. So is it about the therapist's qualities at all? Do you find that your new transference follows the same exact pattern as the old?
I've been in therapy for 2 years now, but was in therapy 2-3 years with the same therapist back in 1993-1995,96. I never had any of these transference type feelings for her the first time around. But 2 years ago when I came to her, I was diagnosed with cyclothymia, which then became bp II (I really think I have bp nos). I think that my increased vulnerability this time around contributed to the dev't of my transference feelings. Also, my hypomania plays a part in it--I am much more obsessed with her when I am hypomanic or when I am trying to push myself up out of a depressed state.
I have shared with her my feelings--the nitty, gritty sexual fantasies, the maternal bit, the desire to be sisters, the feeling that I know we would be friends but for this therapy thing (we really do have a lot in common, I know I'm not imagining that!). She is...I don't know. At first she actually told me that she thought we shouldn't talk about it b/c it was feeding my hypomania. That set off alarm bells. But then when she saw I was having such a hard time, she did get into it--but like a true cognitive behavioralist--she reality tested, talked about childhood schemas, etc. She says the obssesive part will go away when we find the right meds. But here all of you are going thru it and it's not all about the meds. Even tho our work on it hasn't been perfect, I still have faith that she can help me. She has been great about just accepting what I say and trying not to let her stuff get into it.
How has your husband been handling it? Have you told him everything? Have you told your new therapist everything you are feeling too?
Thanks for your thoughts on the kids. You said you have boys, 4 and 7, right? It's so hard keeping it together and meeting all of their needs when I am so emotionally taxed. But they are definitely an incentive to recover.
Keep me posted.
Posted by stebby on August 19, 2003, at 20:03:55
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by allisonf on August 19, 2003, at 16:47:53
It sounds like your therapist is handling your situation well. It must have been pretty difficult to reveal all of those feelings. I found dicussing the sexual feelings pretty much mortifying. Its interesting that she thinks your obsessions are related to the hypomania. I did not realize that was part of hypomania. I wonder if that's why my pdoc suggested that I might have bipolar disorder. I just have never seen myself as hypomanic before. It makes sense that your transference feelings started when you were very vulnerable. That seems to hold true for me as well.
It is interesting how the transference feelings started with my second therapist (like fallsfall)relatively soon after I began with her. However, I was still devastated by the loss of my old therpist. The feelings and fantasies I have about her are very similar even though they are two very different people. My new therapist is a lot smarter. I found my old therapist more attractive and warm and fuzzy, but her inexperience really showed. I feel like my new therapist is really in control of the situation or at least she fakes it well. Still, a lot of what I think about is maternal stuff, being sisters, best friends, being part of her family, getting invited over for holidays, you know! I'm like you in that intellectually I really know that its not reality, but you can't intellectualize the feelings
My husband does not know about my transference with my new therapist. I eventually filled him in on what happened with my old therapist (neglecting the sexual feelings part), and he was pretty understanding. I find it very difficult to discuss this with him as he was pretty upset just about the prospect of me going on AD's. Then he found out that I was cutting and had this obsession with my last therapist. Its been a lot for him to take in. Does your husband know about your transference? How is he handling it?
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