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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jellibabe on November 24, 2003, at 1:34:12
Oh dear I am struggling at the moment! I've spent a very miserable weekend just thinking about my psychiatrist the WHOLE time. I know I suffer from transference in a BIG way, and I know this is from an extremely traumatised childhood and lack of a father but knowing all that doesn't help me at all. I'm stuck! I love my therapist entirely. I feel comforted and safe with him and I've told him this already.
I'm scared I am going to get to see him and be unable to leave his office. I'm scared I am going to cry and beg not to go home. This is so humiliating. And it does nothing, of course, for my self esteem which is zero. I have no idea why I am like this. I have a loving husband and 2 fine children. Why would I not want to go home? Why do I spend an entire weekend thinking about/clinging to my therapist in my mind?
Sometimes there just seems no way out for me. I have struggled with this for so long. I eke out 15 days at a time to enjoy 60 minutes of his attention. Then its a crash landing again until the next visit two weeks later. Surely this is no way to spend a life? Sometimes I think I should just drive into the back of a truck because there is no hope for me.
Posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 5:13:59
In reply to Oh please help!, posted by Jellibabe on November 24, 2003, at 1:34:12
Once every two weeks sounds quite tough. Could you see him more often? You say you've told him how you feel, but what does he say? Does he offer you any hope of resolving it?
All I can do is offer my support and say I'm know exactly how you are feeling. I have a lovely husband and two small children as well as a decent job, and a pretty good lifestyle. I spend a lot of my time and energy obsessing about my therapist. She's female, I'm straight (mostly) making it even more weird. I feel I am totally failing to concentrate on looking after my children, because my mind is wandering off thinking about her all the time.
My therapist's answer to this problem is that I can't expect results overnight and I've got to stick with the process, but it is really hard and it does seem a waste of life. She says it is only by going through this in therapy that you can solve the underlying problems. I have a history of stupid crushes, and she says, quite rightly, if I gave up on therapy the problem would still be there and I would only find someone else to fall for. I seem to have this need to have someone totally take care of me. I can't even say I had a traumatised childhood.
I don't know if you're into reading theory, but I found this one very interesting:
http://www.mhweb.org/mustread/articles8.htm
Posted by fallsfall on November 24, 2003, at 7:52:55
In reply to Re: Oh please help! » Jellibabe, posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 5:13:59
Lookdownfish,
That is an amazing article.
It is quite long, but I was riveted. It is so true for me.
I have printed it out in hopes that my therapist will read it (though he has never taken any piece of paper from me in the past - except a list of the meds I take). Perhaps for a future session I can reread it and highlight the sections that seem most relevant.
Wow.
Posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 9:44:35
In reply to The Golden Fantasy » lookdownfish, posted by fallsfall on November 24, 2003, at 7:52:55
It's amazing isn't it? Glad you liked it.
I talked to my therapist about it last week and she sounded really interested. Then I said, I'll print it out for you if you like, and she didn't sound so keen. I think she likes to be in charge. I think she SHOULD read it though. Can't decide whether to take it to her tomorrow or not.
Posted by joslynn on November 24, 2003, at 15:00:44
In reply to Re: The Golden Fantasy » fallsfall, posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 9:44:35
That was a fascinating article, thanks for posting it.
I can relate to a lot of it, but I disagree with its implication that turning to religion is some sort of second-best solution. For me, recovering from recurrent deperession has a huge spiritual component, and turning to God is not somehow a lesser-than solution than just relying on your own ego. I now can admit that I need other people and I need God. But I guess that is more for the religion board.
Also, as with so many psychoanalytic literature, it is always "the mother this, the mother that." There is no analysis of having a father who is emotionally and/or physically absent. It's all about Mom. I wish I could find something that deals with the father angle, because I think that 's where some of my problems may have started. I deal with it in therapy of course.
That said, the rest is very intriguing and I could relate to a lot of it. It's the kind of thing that I need to read again to digest it more.
Posted by joslynn on November 24, 2003, at 15:05:39
In reply to Re: The Golden Fantasy, posted by joslynn on November 24, 2003, at 15:00:44
What I mean is, a lot of psychoanalytic literature is about the mother, not father. I can find a lot of father issue stuff in other types of books though.
Posted by fallsfall on November 24, 2003, at 20:21:11
In reply to Re: The Golden Fantasy » fallsfall, posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 9:44:35
I printed it out and gave it to my therapist saying "I read this this morning and found it very relevant. You can read it or throw it out as you wish. I hope that later I can read it again and highlight the parts that seem particularly relevant, then maybe we can talk about them". He did look at it, he checked the references in the back, and asked if it had been published in a Journal (which I didn't know).
He didn't give it back to me (which he has done with everything else). I guess we'll see.
I'll be interested to hear what you decide to do.
Posted by Jellibabe on November 25, 2003, at 0:54:11
In reply to Re: Oh please help! » Jellibabe, posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 5:13:59
Thanks so much for the fantastic article and for your input. Sometimes I feel like such a whiner!! My psychiatrist also just says stick with the program.
Guess being being premenstrual only adds to the problem!
Posted by Dr. Rod on November 25, 2003, at 18:20:54
In reply to Oh please help!, posted by Jellibabe on November 24, 2003, at 1:34:12
I have heard, by simple calculations, over 5000 personal stories while in several Overeaters Anonymous, and countless Adult-Children of Alcoholics 12 step meetings, and what I continuously hear in the fore ground is the label, "Low self-esteem"... I bought into it for years and years... Not anymore...
Instead of the foreground being "Low self-esteem" to be worried about, lurking in the background is total ignorance of self-respect... All mixed up is childhood obligations blocking adult notions of respect... I challenge you!!! How do you know how to do respect for others when you can't do self respect because obligatory thinking blocks it???
Sounds like your therapist has wooed you in an attempt for you to start liking yourself, and your faulty logic has you falling in love the person who turns out to only be a messenger not a suitor...
He doesn't want you to fall in love with him... He wants you to fall in love with the person only you see in your mirror... Then the rest is down hill...
Next you can abandon the baggage of your past and discover your ability to make a difference... You can embrace first self respect, then respect for "nouns"... Neither he nor I nor anyone can do this for you... Time to step up to the plate and swing away...
If not, tomorrow will be the same as yesterday...
Note: "nouns" are people, places, things, and ideas (and other than yourself, surely)...
Posted by lookdownfish on November 26, 2003, at 5:55:52
In reply to Re: The Golden Fantasy » lookdownfish, posted by fallsfall on November 24, 2003, at 20:21:11
I'm such a coward. I see my T this afternoon, but she's so mean and tough I'm scared to show her the article for fear she'll just hand it back to me and I will take it as a personal rejection. Pathetic or what?
Posted by fallsfall on November 26, 2003, at 17:11:11
In reply to Re: The Golden Fantasy » fallsfall, posted by lookdownfish on November 26, 2003, at 5:55:52
I saw him again today, and he had the article next to his chair. At the end I mentioned that it was published in "The International Journal of Psycho-Analysis" in 1977. He wrote that down. Then he told me that he knew the author (Sydney Smith) - Smith was at the same place when my therapist was doing his post-doctoral training. So, gee, maybe he'll read it.
I avoided the problem of feeling rejected if he didn't take it by telling him that I found it interesting and he could either read it or throw it away. If he chose to throw it away, then I was no worse off - because I had told him that he could.
This is the end of the thread.
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