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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 22:07:56
I think that GG mentioned the audio CD "Warming The Stone Child: Myths & Stories About Abandonment And The Unmothered Child" I just listened to it and--wow. It was really interesting and well done. It really struck a chord with me. So, thanks GG. Anyone who hasn't listened to it, I reccomend it.
Also, okay, this is really dumb, but I want to tell my T about this CD and what I thought about it, but I'm embarassed. Sort of like I don't want her to think that I am "cheating on her" by learning things that she hasn't okayed (not that I think she would disagree with any of this). And also, I don't want her to think that I am being melodramatic or something. Like I don't want her to think to herself, "Why does she make such a big deal of everything? Nothing that bad has happened to her."
Ugh! I feel crazy for even thinking this! I'm being irrational, but I can't stop it. Okay, I also have to (somewhat sheepishly) admit that I am actually training to be a therpist myself. I know that it is okay to learn these thinjgs, think these things, etc. but I still feel strange about it.
Sigh. I feel a little nuts. Can someone relate? I'm feeling lonely and crazy. :(
EE
Posted by sleepygirl on June 18, 2005, at 22:23:00
In reply to Warming the stone child, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 22:07:56
hello Emily,
You know I had seen that book mentioned on the books board here on psychobabble, so I looked it up online for a description of it. I must admit I've been interested in getting it maybe. So I'm glad you brought it up.I don't think you have to qualify yourself for having had a reaction to this CD. It sounds fundamentally like an exploration of disappointments in relationships, and you surely don't have to have horrendous experiences to understand disappointments. Hasn't everyone had a feeling of a significant person in their life "not being there" and thus abandoned.
I'm not sure why you're feeling strange. Do you feel badly about having a reaction to the CD? or is it about talking about it?
You're not nuts.
Posted by daisym on June 18, 2005, at 23:29:21
In reply to Warming the stone child, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 22:07:56
I think we've all had feelings like this, not wanting to tell our therapists that we are "researching." I always wonder if he thinks I don't trust him when I do this.
But I've found that some of our best discussions come out of me saying, "I read such and such and we don't work together like that." Or I'll ask about stuff I do agree with.
I think as a therapist in training you would want to read and listen to things that are out there. It is likely that you will have clients who come across this stuff and it will keep you well informed. When I was teaching birthing classes, I read everything I could find, but especially main-stream stuff because I knew the parents were reading it. It helped me be prepared for their questions or concerns.
I doubt your therapist will see it as "cheating on her" but she might want to talk about what you are searching for that you aren't getting in therapy. I know when I start reading a lot, there is usually something coming up that I don't understand "yet" --- I have a hard time bringing things out that I don't have a handle on. Too many unknowns make me nervous.
There is a thread on books about this tape. It seems to touch a lot of people. Loss and disappointments are just part of the human condition. You don't have to have had a traumatic event in your life to be "entitled" to sad feelings.
I'd talk to your therapist about both the tape and what it brought up for you with regards to her. Sounds important.
Posted by happyflower on June 19, 2005, at 0:02:16
In reply to Re: Warming the stone child, posted by daisym on June 18, 2005, at 23:29:21
I just bought this tape a couple of weeks ago. It is really great explaining what a "unmothered" child goes through as an adult. The stories are wonderful along with the interpetations! I am now reading one of her best sellers Women Who Run with Wolves.
I plan on sharing this with my T , because he has said many of the same things as she does but in a different way. I think most T's are happy that you are "working your brain" in order to improve. I wouldn't worry too much about it, it shows that you are trying. Plus I think the messages from the tape would make great discussions with your T. Have fun!
Posted by Shortelise on June 19, 2005, at 12:39:29
In reply to Warming the stone child, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 22:07:56
EE-
I used to stop in the bookstore and read passages from the psychiatry/psychology section. I have never told my T about it. It was in fact how I figured out that I have/am BPD. I never told him I read "In Session". "Necessary Losses" however, I told him about. It was at the time so very topical.
Your therapist would be an odd bird if she didn't know that we all carry a bit of the abandonned child in us. I mean, here we are, and our mothers aren't next to us anymore. There is no such thing as perfect understanding, and, at least some time we all have felt we needed that, haven't we? That is the mother, the one who carries us in her bosom, the only one from whom we might hope for unconditional love because we were part of her body.
I don't actually know what I am talking about, this is all just instinct. But I do belive it. It could be something as simple as being separated from mother for a few hours at the wrong point in time, it could be getting lost at the grocery store for five minutes when we were two, or an illness that put us in hospital when we were five. Or an emotionally unavailable mother. There is somuch "mommy stuff" that can leave a hole in us.
You know better than I, given your course of study!!
I think it would be something interesting to discuss with your T, how you listened to that CD, how it made you feel despite your understanding of not having been abandonned.
Could you be just very empathetic?
BTW, I think we're all a little nuts. Not just us here, but all of us. I have yet to meet anyone who isn't.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 15:08:49
In reply to Warming the stone child, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 22:07:56
I haven’t heard the CD you mention, but I also felt strange about telling my ex-therapist about the reading I’d been doing. The word ‘cheating’ pretty much sums up how I felt. And yet I was desperate for some answers.
On the other hand, I’ve come to think that most therapists who are working with intelligent, interesting adults probably anticipate that we might read things. And I’m sure they’d welcome an opportunity to discuss those things. I didn’t do very much reading when I was in therapy because I felt so guilty about it, and when I mentioned to my ex T in our final session that I hadn’t read much he looked really surprised!
And, like ShortE said, I think we’re all a little nuts. I know I am!
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 7:10:13
In reply to Warming the stone child, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 18, 2005, at 22:07:56
I must be an odd duck. I listened to that tape without feeling very much, if anything, at all.
But then EMDR also didn't do a thing for me.
I think I'm a hard nut to crack. :)
Posted by sunny10 on June 20, 2005, at 9:22:47
In reply to Re: Warming the stone child, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 7:10:13
does it actually teach HOW to warm the inner child?
I find that lots of sources reference the phenomena, but no one seems to teach how to "get over it". They just tell me that I "have to just do it"...
Are any practical suggestions made to accomplish the actual warming?
This is the end of the thread.
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