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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
OK, this one’s going to be a bit embarrassing…
I was due to get a pap smear several months ago but I was pregnant and was advised not to until after the birth. So I should really get one as soon as possible.
I was supposed to get an internal exam after my baby was born, to check everything’s back to normal in there, but I refused. I know I need to get that done too.
I also need to do something about contraception, because I really shouldn’t get pregnant again at the moment. And the best option for me is an IUD. But that involves having the damn thing inserted.
I simply can’t stand anyone touching me in there. I know I have to do these things but I just can’t imagine making an appointment. I had to have a bit of internal interference during childbirth and that was simply awful. And back then I was still seeing my therapist.
It triggers such nasty feelings for me. I always feel invaded and violated. But here’s the strange thing: I think I would feel more comfortable with a male doctor instead of a woman. Is that just weird?
And my main question: do you think it’s going to be less traumatic to get all three things done at once? Or do you think it’ll be easier to get them done separately?
And does anyone have any tips for making it bearable? I find the triggers simply overwhelming and I’m torn between concerns for my physical health and concerns for my mental health.
Argh! Any advice welcome!
Tamar
Posted by underthecs on June 19, 2005, at 19:07:24
In reply to Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give you. I'd probably get it all done in one visit if I could. I, too, feel really violated when I go to the OB/GYN. YUCK! I feel gross and dissociated for days afterwards. The waiting in the exam room for the dr. is torturous, and I often have to bite my lip to not cry while waiting for the stupid doctor to hurry up and get in there. Anyway, I know how that feels and I'm sorry that you do, too.
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2005, at 20:47:50
In reply to Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
I wish I had some good advice for you. I generally dissociate to get through it.
I think I'd do it all at once and get it over with, since the anticipation of a dreaded event is usually as bad as the event itself.
Do you think your doctor could prescribe a mild tranquilizer for the event? Maybe even your ob/gyn would prescribe you one pill if you call ahead. After all, it's in his/her best interests for you to be relaxed.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 19, 2005, at 21:01:42
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2005, at 20:47:50
Hi Tamar,
I don't have much advice, as I have this problem myself, but I just wanted you to know that you are understood and not alone. I never said anything to my doc(s) about how triggering these sort of tests are for me (flashbacks, etc), and have been evading them for a couple of years now. I'll probably have to disclose it at some point, but even then I'll still have to deal with it and have it done.....
Again, I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than try to discuss your situation with your doc and if nothing else, he/she may be able to make the situation somewhat less traumatic for you (I hope).
Take care,
sv
Posted by TerraJo on June 19, 2005, at 23:02:58
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by shrinking violet on June 19, 2005, at 21:01:42
i also dissociate. but it helps to take a benzo, and more than your usual dose. and it helps to take someone in there who will talk to you non-stop so you can be distracted. and it really helps to plan ahead to give yourself a reward.... usually some childlike reward is the best: icecream cone, movie, playing in the kids section at Barnes & Nobles.... anything to help the inner child who is triggered. sometimes if you promise a reward afterward, the triggered child won't even "show up" to the appointment and you find you can get right through it as a mature adult without having much feeling about it. but you have to follow through with the reward. if you do it this way, it will make the days afterwards less traumatic, too. plan to watch "charlie and the chocolate factory" or "mary poppins" or other soothing things. all of that will help and before you know it you'll be back to your mature adult decisions.
t.
Posted by daisym on June 20, 2005, at 0:41:42
In reply to Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
Do you like and trust your OB/GYN? If not, look for another one. If so, can you tell him/her that these exams trigger you due to abuse in your childhood? I've had the same (female) MD for 17 yrs and I told just over a year ago. She said she guessed (she delivered two of my kids) but didn't want to pry. She has always been really good at telling me what she was going to do before she did it and she is very, very gentle.
You should be able to have all three things done at the same time. They go together. I think the idea of a tranquilizer is a good one. You also need a breast exam...
Do the breathing you learned for birth. Ask the nurse to stay and hold your hand. That way you won't feel so vulnerable and alone. Do something completely different after the appointment, don't mimic the aftermath of the abuse -- like showering or bathing or sleeping. Keep these things as separate as you can.
It is really important to take care of your health. Having problems in this area will be so much more tramatic than having the exams. Please, do it for your baby. I can't tell you how many women I've worked with that skipped postpartum exams and ended up with problems.
I'll stay with you in spirit, OK? I'm a really good birth coach, so this would be a piece of cake!
Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 4:17:49
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by underthecs on June 19, 2005, at 19:07:24
> I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give you. I'd probably get it all done in one visit if I could. I, too, feel really violated when I go to the OB/GYN. YUCK! I feel gross and dissociated for days afterwards. The waiting in the exam room for the dr. is torturous, and I often have to bite my lip to not cry while waiting for the stupid doctor to hurry up and get in there. Anyway, I know how that feels and I'm sorry that you do, too.
Thanks underthecs. I think you're right; getting it all done at once is probably better.
Sorry to hear you have these unpleasant feelings too.
Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 4:21:27
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2005, at 20:47:50
> I wish I had some good advice for you. I generally dissociate to get through it.
Good idea. I need to learn to dissociate better :(
> I think I'd do it all at once and get it over with, since the anticipation of a dreaded event is usually as bad as the event itself.
That makes sense. I hadn't thought of it that way; I'd only been thinking of the time actually spent lying down...
> Do you think your doctor could prescribe a mild tranquilizer for the event? Maybe even your ob/gyn would prescribe you one pill if you call ahead. After all, it's in his/her best interests for you to be relaxed.
That's a very good idea. I'll ask about that. I've never taken tranquilizers, though at least when I was having babies I could use the entonox, which helped a bit. Hmm... I'll see if I can persuade the doc to give me something.
Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 4:25:44
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by shrinking violet on June 19, 2005, at 21:01:42
> Hi Tamar,
>
> I don't have much advice, as I have this problem myself, but I just wanted you to know that you are understood and not alone. I never said anything to my doc(s) about how triggering these sort of tests are for me (flashbacks, etc), and have been evading them for a couple of years now. I'll probably have to disclose it at some point, but even then I'll still have to deal with it and have it done.....Thanks sv. It's so good to know I'm not alone in this! I've never said anything to my docs either, though when I refused the postpartum exam I'm pretty sure the doctor had a good idea as to why.
> Again, I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than try to discuss your situation with your doc and if nothing else, he/she may be able to make the situation somewhat less traumatic for you (I hope).
I think you're right; I should probably say something about it. I'd like to find a way of saying it without actually having to think about it! Maybe I can write something down and ask the doctor to read it.
> Take care,
> svYou take care too.
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 4:29:12
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by TerraJo on June 19, 2005, at 23:02:58
> i also dissociate. but it helps to take a benzo, and more than your usual dose. and it helps to take someone in there who will talk to you non-stop so you can be distracted. and it really helps to plan ahead to give yourself a reward.... usually some childlike reward is the best: icecream cone, movie, playing in the kids section at Barnes & Nobles.... anything to help the inner child who is triggered. sometimes if you promise a reward afterward, the triggered child won't even "show up" to the appointment and you find you can get right through it as a mature adult without having much feeling about it. but you have to follow through with the reward. if you do it this way, it will make the days afterwards less traumatic, too. plan to watch "charlie and the chocolate factory" or "mary poppins" or other soothing things. all of that will help and before you know it you'll be back to your mature adult decisions.
Thanks TerraJo. I really like your idea about promising myself a reward, especially the idea of ice cream! I think you're right; the feelings could hang on for quite a while, and finding soothing things to do should help a lot.
Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 4:40:08
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by daisym on June 20, 2005, at 0:41:42
> Do you like and trust your OB/GYN? If not, look for another one. If so, can you tell him/her that these exams trigger you due to abuse in your childhood? I've had the same (female) MD for 17 yrs and I told just over a year ago. She said she guessed (she delivered two of my kids) but didn't want to pry. She has always been really good at telling me what she was going to do before she did it and she is very, very gentle.
I've seen a few ob/gyn doctors over the years for various reasons. I guess I need to find someone I can talk to.
> You should be able to have all three things done at the same time. They go together. I think the idea of a tranquilizer is a good one. You also need a breast exam...
It's true; the three things do go together. And I think I'm starting to imagine being able to face them all at once. But a breast exam! No way! Absolutely not! For some reason that's even worse than a pelvic exam. Argh! No one ever said anything about a breast exam. I will stop freaking out any minute... I just have to reach for my cigarettes...
> Do the breathing you learned for birth. Ask the nurse to stay and hold your hand. That way you won't feel so vulnerable and alone. Do something completely different after the appointment, don't mimic the aftermath of the abuse -- like showering or bathing or sleeping. Keep these things as separate as you can.Good idea about the breathing and hand-holding. And about not showering or sleeping. I guess I'll just try to stay out of the house for a few hours afterwards.
> It is really important to take care of your health. Having problems in this area will be so much more tramatic than having the exams. Please, do it for your baby. I can't tell you how many women I've worked with that skipped postpartum exams and ended up with problems.I guess one reason I'm afraid of the exams is the fear that there could be problems, which would mean treatment and more triggers. But you're right: if there are any problems it's best to catch them now.
> I'll stay with you in spirit, OK? I'm a really good birth coach, so this would be a piece of cake!Thank you! It'll be good to know I have some support out there.
Tamar
Posted by shermanvolvo on June 20, 2005, at 18:32:00
In reply to Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
Hey there. If you don't mind, I would just like to respond to your post bit by bit.
> It triggers such nasty feelings for me. I always feel invaded and violated. But here’s the strange thing: I think I would feel more comfortable with a male doctor instead of a woman. Is that just weird
That is not at all weird. You do what works for you.
> And my main question: do you think it’s going to be less traumatic to get all three things done at once? Or do you think it’ll be easier to get them done separately?
That is hard to say; everyone is different. You know yourself best; what does your gut say?
> And does anyone have any tips for making it bearable? I find the triggers simply overwhelming and I’m torn between concerns for my physical health and concerns for my mental health.
Is there anyone that can come with you to the appointment (before, during, after, all the above - whatever works best for you) to support you during this? What worked for you during the delivery, and related exams?
-monika
Posted by happyflower on June 20, 2005, at 21:12:28
In reply to Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
I think I just hold my breath and just keep hoping it is over, just like getting my teeth cleaned.
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:40:41
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by shermanvolvo on June 20, 2005, at 18:32:00
> Hey there. If you don't mind, I would just like to respond to your post bit by bit.
I don't mind at all. I'm very grateful for all responses!
> > It triggers such nasty feelings for me. I always feel invaded and violated. But here’s the strange thing: I think I would feel more comfortable with a male doctor instead of a woman. Is that just weird
>
> That is not at all weird. You do what works for you.That's good to hear!
> > And my main question: do you think it’s going to be less traumatic to get all three things done at once? Or do you think it’ll be easier to get them done separately?
>
> That is hard to say; everyone is different. You know yourself best; what does your gut say?My gut says 'don't go at all'! Well, if I really think hard about it, I guess my gut says get the whole thing done at once.
> > And does anyone have any tips for making it bearable? I find the triggers simply overwhelming and I’m torn between concerns for my physical health and concerns for my mental health.
>
> Is there anyone that can come with you to the appointment (before, during, after, all the above - whatever works best for you) to support you during this? What worked for you during the delivery, and related exams?I'll try to get someone to come. I think part of the difficulty is that childbirth and previous pelvic exams have been pretty awful. (Well, the actual birth part was fine, but the accompanying internal exams were horrible.) I pretty much decided I'd had enough of strange hands and was horrified to realize that I needed to go back for more. Argh!
Thanks for your comments and suggestions.
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:42:37
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by happyflower on June 20, 2005, at 21:12:28
> I think I just hold my breath and just keep hoping it is over, just like getting my teeth cleaned.
Ooooooooooh! You've just reminded me I have to go to the dentist too!Better get my diary out... (sigh).
Posted by messadivoce on June 21, 2005, at 19:09:01
In reply to Women’s things (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:12
I don't think it would be weird to want a male doctor instead of a female. I have had 2 OBs who were female and horrible!!! I mentioned this to my mom and she said she prefers male doctors because the female ones always have an attitude, like they have something to prove. Certainly true in my case.
My mom goes to the only doctor who treats post-menopausal women in town. He's about 75, but excellent, so she says, so as weird as that's going to be, I'm going to suck it up next time and try him out.
I find pap smears to be extremely painful, and I dread them with every ounce of my being. Then I'm sore for a week afterward.
Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 12:24:29
In reply to Re: Women’s things (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by messadivoce on June 21, 2005, at 19:09:01
> I don't think it would be weird to want a male doctor instead of a female. I have had 2 OBs who were female and horrible!!! I mentioned this to my mom and she said she prefers male doctors because the female ones always have an attitude, like they have something to prove. Certainly true in my case.
I hate to say this, because I'm sure there are many wonderful female doctors, but it's often been my experience too.
> My mom goes to the only doctor who treats post-menopausal women in town. He's about 75, but excellent, so she says, so as weird as that's going to be, I'm going to suck it up next time and try him out.
> I find pap smears to be extremely painful, and I dread them with every ounce of my being. Then I'm sore for a week afterward.oh dear! It's not supposed to be painful! I hope your mother's doc is capable of doing it without hurting you.
This is the end of the thread.
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