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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
"Let me show you my magic card trick."
"You need to find a boy toy."
"Have an affair with somebody already married."
"Try mushrooms instead of LSD"
"My wife doesn't do that in bed."
"I'm a better father than a husband."
"Stupid religious people annoy me."
"I smoked a lot of things in college."
"Wanna see me juggle?"
"I smoked pot for a government study."
"I used to be a streaker."
"I hate those digital prostate exams."
"Wanna see my surgury leg scars."
"Look at my certificates on the wall."
"I like that buzzed feeling from drinking."
"I don't know why when I see a trumpet player,
I always think of you."
"Thanks for telling me to plant a trumpet vine, it
reminds me of you when I water it."
"I make a mean pot of chili."
"Wanna see my childhood photo's"
"You were talking to my best friend."
"My horniest is not as bad as it used to be."
"I'm tired of eating at Tippecanoe on New Years."
"When we got horny in college, we just did it, we didn't do oral sex."
" I left my girlfriend like a coward by writing letter."
"Wanna see my picture of my old grade school crush?"
"Look at this picture, where I used to play basketball."
"It sucks I can't have a social relationship with you, I don't feel
that way about most of my clients either."
"You are cute."
"I missed you at the gym today."
"Some girls are dumber than a box of rocks."
"I am taking off work for my colonospsy."
"My sister had a big bag of pot on the table at home,
when the cops came to my house."
"In high school I always wondered why the girls wouldn't pick me."
"I learned how to play , Body and Soul on the piano."
"After my bad trip at the lake, I stopped using LSD."
"If I am dying, I want to have some LSD again."
Posted by seldomseen on October 8, 2008, at 11:26:57
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
I gotta admit, based on what this guy has said to you I think he would be a riot as a friend.
As a therapist - no friggin' way. I'm glad you got out of that situation and are building something better - something that will lead to healing.
You deserve better than a friend whose being a completely inappropriate therapist. Based on your posts and you're lively personality here, I'm sure you have plenty of friends who don't pose.
The manner in which he handled the termination was all wrong too. Completely wrong. What a jackass. Can I say that under the civility rules - too bad I just did.
These comments should definately go down in the babble hall of fame for over the top comments made by therapist during therapy.
Why on earth would he tell you about his colonoscopy? His drug use? How therapeutic is that?
Of course, I had a therapist that would tell me all about how his parents abused him. I bolted as fast as I could.
I also interviewed a therapist who office was filled to the brim with teddy bears - all of which where focused right on the patient. It was creepy having all those eyes looking at me.
Good therapy can be very good. Bad therapy - well, it leaves scars.
You will heal from this, though it may take some time.
Peace to you.
Seldom.
Posted by lucie lu on October 8, 2008, at 12:08:11
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Posted by Geegee on October 8, 2008, at 12:30:48
In reply to Re: Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me. » lemonaide, posted by seldomseen on October 8, 2008, at 11:26:57
Geez, how mature. (eyes rolling) Based on what you've said, this man is not in any way, shape, or form, a professional. What a shame. Glad you got out.
gg
Posted by stellabystarlight on October 8, 2008, at 13:25:51
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Hi Lemonaide,
What gets me is not so much the disclosure, but the "quality" of his disclosures. Is this the clown that said, "I wouldn't go to your funeral if you died?" He's not only lacking in heart but also in class and intelligence.
I don't blame you for being angry at all. To me, the "funeral" comment was one of the most hurtful comments I've ever heard. I've been following your posts, and I can't believe how much pain and loss you've gone through over such a short amount of time. I hope you keep writing about it until you're ready to let go.
stellabystarlight
Posted by healing928 on October 8, 2008, at 14:42:39
In reply to Re: Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me. » lemonaide, posted by seldomseen on October 8, 2008, at 11:26:57
Posted by Looney Tunes on October 8, 2008, at 17:17:43
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Oh my gosh Lemonaide! We should goto lunch and talk therapist disclosure! LOL
Were you seeing my T? Did he add information about his up-bringing and family and how wonderful his life is?
I feel for you....
LT
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2008, at 20:30:59
In reply to Re: Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by Looney Tunes on October 8, 2008, at 17:17:43
Just to me totally inappropriate. Love Phillipa
Posted by Suedehead on October 8, 2008, at 21:07:52
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Oh man. Wow. I don't even know how I would respond to some of that stuff. He sounds like a piece of work. I probably don't know the full story (I've only been hanging around here for a couple of months) but I'm glad that you're not seeing him anymore; you deserve more!
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 22:21:06
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Did you enlighten him as to why the girls wouldn't pick him? His conversation skills wouldn't appear to be useful for engaging women. Or clients.
Honestly some of those don't seem all that unusual to me. Context would matter a lot I suppose. My therapist and I have exchanged kidney stone stories on occasion, and given the anatomical differences, his are more enlivening. Not that he mentions his penis or anything. But it's hard to talk about kidney stones without evoking some imagery. And I can see him stop sometimes when he thinks he's about to say something that will disturb my puritanical sensibilities. Which is just as well, because however puritanical I may or may not be, my therapist is still my therapist. And while I by no means think he's perfect, I still need to maintain some illusions about him.
Mostly what I thought when I read those things is that he sounds rather crass and perhaps he's practicing under the influence. It's hard to see how any of those statements would be helpful to you.
But did he really have his childhood photos with him? Wow. That is quite unusual. I put together an album of my own pictures as a child when I was trying to get in touch with that part of me. And I have a number of pictures on my iPod because he told me he sees the physical body in front of him even though he sees the me inside as well. I started bringing in pictures for him to look at at the opening of the session so that he'd see me as I am, not this disgusting thing that's left of me. But he's never ever had any pictures of him as a child on hand. I can't quite picture why he would. Most people don't have childhood pictures of themselves handy to show anyone.
Did you say yes? I think I'd have said yes.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 9, 2008, at 18:02:36
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
There are many words I could use but they probably wouldn't be allowed :(
I'm shocked and sickened, and I know I don't have the context but he reminds me of a rather over-sexed male friend of mine from university who would say whatever came to mine, regardless of how daring/open it was. I liked that about him in the context of a friendship (I was never involved with him or had any romantic feelings toward him and that's probably why it was ok for him to be like that with me). He wasn't afraid to share/suggest anything.
BUT if he were a therapist... hmmm... how can being so open in such a way provide a safe place for a client to explore things such as erotic transference, drug dependency, addictions (and all manner of things) - I wouldn't be able to feel safe at all. I'd certain end up tip-toeing around all his statements so as not to disagree with him. I would feel obliged to bring up certain topics because of his views, and leave out others that go against his beliefs because I'd be afraid he would not be neutral and accepting of me. I can't really see how therapy can be conducted under those circumstances.
I'm really sorry you had the misfortune of ending up under the care of such a person.
(((((Lemonaide))))))
Witti
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 9, 2008, at 22:53:56
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Lemonaide,
OMG! I'm just freaking out looking at that list. Sure, context is something but I just can't imagine how almost any of it would be helpful.I had a therapist that would eat in front of me and offer me food over and over because she knew that I was terrified to eat in front of her (or other authority figures) for fear of making a mess. Some people thought that was inappropriate of her to push, but from my perspective I got it. I finally accepted tea from her one day (like two years into it)... and that began to heal me of that phobia.
But, I knew it was helping. You knew he WASN'T. I, too, am so glad you are out of there.
FMD
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 7:34:16
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
I guess I keep looking back on how stupid I was for even staying with a therapist like this. He got too comfortable with me I believe and dropped those boundaries, forgetting he was my therapist.
But I also let him go past my boundaries, and that was something I have learned from.
I guess I am in an anger stage or something because I am infuriated at him right now.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 8:49:06
In reply to Re: Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 7:34:16
You weren't stupid - none of this was your fault. Getting out of such a situation is easier said and done. Most likely, by the time the boundaries slipped this far you were dependent/attached to him in various ways. He took advantage of this attachment/trust. None of this is your fault, Lemonaide.
Try to be kind to yourself. I think your anger is very understandable and it's good you are finding ways to out it and deal with it.
Witti
Posted by backseatdriver on October 10, 2008, at 13:48:03
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Posted by Racer on October 10, 2008, at 15:34:34
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 19:06:45
In reply to PLEASE file a complaint with the licensing board! (nm) » lemonaide, posted by Racer on October 10, 2008, at 15:34:34
The more I think about it, I just might. I just don't know if it is worth the effort.
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 19:08:42
In reply to Re: Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me. » lemonaide, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 8:49:06
Thanks Witti for you understanding. I sometimes blame myself for my part of it, I did find him attractive, but not so much anymore. And somebody who really cares about you wouldn't take advantage of you like that, right? So I guess I have the anger left to deal with.
Posted by lemonaide on October 10, 2008, at 19:18:19
In reply to Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me., posted by lemonaide on October 8, 2008, at 11:01:16
I am sorry I didn't personally respond to everyone, I am feeling overwhelmed right now and I am dead tired, I have been painting all day. But I read every message was so pleased for all the support I have received from you all.
Posted by DAisym on October 10, 2008, at 21:07:49
In reply to Re: Things my T shouldn't have disclosed to me. » lemonaide, posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 22:21:06
I'm not defending your therapist. I'm not. Please hear this.
But...
A list like this, without context, seems awfully unfair. I'm thinking of some of the things that my therapist has said to me, which were exactly the right things to say, at the moment they were said, but standing alone could sound very damaging. Telling you that things remind him of you would be a sweet, nice thing to do, if it isn't sexualized. If I remember correctly, at one point you really wanted him to come and hear you play. So of course trumpet players remind him of you. Stuff like that. Once my therapist said, "hey, I saw a license plate on a Hummer that said, "Daisy." I thought, 'that's what she needs!'" I liked that he thought about me. It made me smile. He often says, "I missed you last whenever" because we had to skip a session. Stuff like that.
Again - I'm not defending your therapist. But as someone who is going through a divorce where someone else keeps saying, "once she said X" without the whole conversation being discussed - I'm sensitive to this.
Perhaps Racer is right. Maybe filing a complaint will help you get resolution to all of it instead of turning it over in your mind again and again.
I hope you find peace soon.
Posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 5:14:47
In reply to Disclosure » Dinah, posted by DAisym on October 10, 2008, at 21:07:49
HI Daisy,
I know you say you are not defending my T,and if I didn't know you, by what you do say, I would think it sure seems like you are, but I trust you.
Maybe it is not fair to him to post things he said in regards to not posting the whole conversation. But if you had the whole conversation, more often than not, it wouldn't change the meaning of what he did. I suppose one could search Babble for the whole conversation, most of the situations are in the archives.
As wonderful as your T is, there has been one time I remember were he said a very inappropriate thing to you that would get is license taken away with no problem. Luckily for you this didn't lead down to a very slippery slope, I think because of you. But the difference between your T and mine, is that I had a personal relationship with him, I saw him outside the office, he flirted with me, and his feelings got in the way with my therapy and caused me harm. It wasn't just words said to me, it was much more than that. If you take all my posts on Babble about this, can you honestly believe he didn't do harm or did very inappropriate things?What he did to me wasn't fair to me.
Posted by Annierose on October 11, 2008, at 6:57:18
In reply to Re: Disclosure » DAisym, posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 5:14:47
>>As wonderful as your T is, there has been one time I remember were he said a very inappropriate thing to you that would get is license taken away with no problem
That is not true. I do not recall what you are referring to. But if Daisy's t said something that you found inappropriate and for arguement sake, Daisy did as well, it doesn't automatically mean you lose your license. This relationship is not all or nothing. Win or Lose. It is a relationship. And in all relationships, we all say things that are hurtful or misguided from time to time. The healing comes in the repair. One comment does not equal "unethical". Not even close.
Please do not attack another person's t from left field. I was sadden when I read that.
Everyone at babble is trying to be supportive of your unhappiness with both of your therapists.
Posted by muffled on October 11, 2008, at 7:58:16
In reply to Re: Disclosure » DAisym, posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 5:14:47
I am so happy Daisy has the relationship she has with her T. As my old T used to say, we BOTH work very hard in therapy. We work ToGETHER to try and help me. She honestly cared. So I paid her to help me, because then it was OK that it was all about me. thats how T works.
It is a relationship between two HUMAN beings, with all their own baggage and faults. A good T will be able to keep their own stuff out of the room for the most part, but they are human, they will screw up. But TOGETHER t and client work thru it, and this strengthens trust and the realtionship.
However, the frightening aspect of this all for me, is that it all happens behind closed doors, behind a shroud of secrecy.
This is where I LOVE that there are websites such as this where people can talk about their therapy, and hopefully get good input from others they have come to trust on that website, as to how their therapy is going. They can ask questions.
Cuz terrible that it may be, there are some truly messed up t's out there.
There are also t's that are just not a good fit.
Or sometimes its not intentional harm,but its an ongoing dysfunctional relationship btwn client and t and neither are recognizing it.
So I think its great, and important to talk about these things.
None of us should have been hurt in the first place if all was right and fair. But we live in a fallen world, so we must take care and try and watch out for and help others when we can.
I am glad lemonaide has been able to get out of T relationships that have been either unethical or just not working, it is a good example to me.
I am always happy to hear of daisys T, cuz it gives me hope that there ARE amazing souls out there in this world.
My thanks to you both for sharing your stories.
M
Posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 9:51:45
In reply to Re: Disclosure » lemonaide, posted by Annierose on October 11, 2008, at 6:57:18
I sorry if you see my post as attacking Daisy's therapist. He did say something to the effect one time that they would be good in bed together, I could be mistaken, but I am pretty sure it was her's. And yes that comment, if reported, would effect his license.
I truly believe you missed my entire point of my message.
If one was truly supporting me, they would allow me to have some anger even if I am a little unfair to my T, it is so small compared to the unfairness of treatment I received from him.
Posted by DAisym on October 11, 2008, at 13:17:30
In reply to Re: Disclosure » Annierose, posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 9:51:45
I probably should leave this alone - but I want to try one more time to clear some of this up.
I am totally willing to allow you all your anger - the whole context of your therapy and the damage that has been done is worthy of anger. What I was pointing out is that specific sentences, taken out of context, can seem worse than they were meant to be.
For example - the sentence you cited. My therapist never said we'd be good in bed together. When I asked him if sex with him would likely be better than sex with my then-husband, he said, "probably, because we know each other intimately." The whole discussion was about allowing another person to see your wounds and how sex is so much more than the physical act or how it can be only that. He was talking about how I would perceive the sex, how it would feel emotionally, not whether we could turn each other on or swing from the chandeliers. I am well aware that many of his, or my, statements seem odd or scary when standing alone. I'm glad he risks this - I think a lot of the coldness that therapist project comes from their fear of showing caring and how it can be turned against them.
I guess what I was really trying to say is that when you give someone specific things to argue against or defend - like each sentence - the overall picture gets lost. So if half of these sentences are "innocent" (I hear you saying they weren't) then doubt begins to form and a review panel begins to waiver. Describing the whole of it, the tone of it and the end result of it, is much more effective if you are going to file a complaint.
I didn't mean to upset you. I appreciate that you tried to see and believe that. I'm sure you must feel like no one in the world really believes or understands what you went through. Therapists seem to have so much power - like lawyers. It is frustrating.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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