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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on February 24, 2009, at 8:39:07
i've been wanting to post for weeks but i feel like my issues...aren't even issues.
i start to post then say "oh forget it" or "its not worth it" and change my mind.i don't want to talk about anything, but i have things to say.
when i'm with my little one i'm fine, i'm good. but when i'm not...
i'm in this pit of nothing that's growing colder and larger.****
i think i just need some rest.
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 8:56:46
In reply to still here..., posted by B2chica on February 24, 2009, at 8:39:07
((((B2)))) There is nothing that is less important to anyone else's issues, they are your issues that are important to you. They matter too.
Do you think part of this could be post pardom depression?
Tell us about that cute baby of yours...
Posted by B2chica on February 24, 2009, at 10:17:25
In reply to Re: still here..., posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 8:56:46
not post yet. i'm only a couple months along. due in late september.
but off all meds.
last time i never felt 'emotionally' better.
this time...not so much.i feel, distant. small.
not much of what we think matters, really matters at all.
..and very physically drained.i think i'm also tired of my DH cr@p.
he's undiagnosed borderline PD.
but fits to a T.
now he's very obsessive about money. even if we have some, he freaks out if i spend $30 on groceries...God forbid he should get off his @ss and offer to get them (and actually get what we need).
plus he's feeling down because his work is seasonal and hasn't been working much lately. so he's p@ssy about that too.********
sry, enough complaining for today.
i wish i could just lay my head down and space for a while.b.
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 12:30:45
In reply to Re: still here..., posted by B2chica on February 24, 2009, at 10:17:25
Oops, I knew that, didn't I tell ya I have some short term memory problems. lol
Well pregnancy can cause a lot of emotional stuff, but you know that.
It could be why your husband is not being very nice, they worry about money, especially if you are preggies and his job isn't doing so well. I think it is a man thing or something.
Have you tried taking a walk, sometimes exercise can help?
Being a mom is tough, especially if you are carrying around one inside of you.
Do something today that makes you happy. For me, especially if money is tight, just going to the library helps.((((b2))))
Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 8:14:14
In reply to Re: still here..., posted by HappyChaiTea on February 24, 2009, at 12:30:45
i just feel like everything's falling apart.
a few weeks ago i started having some 'sortof' flashbacks and that was causing me stress, anxiety and kinda kicked off my depression.
the day i choose to finally talk about it to my T. she was a no show.
she called later wondering where 'I' was, i told her i was there at 3:00, she though our time was 2:00 so when i wasn't there by 2:30 she left.
ok. it happens, out of three years together its' gonna happen. (BTW i had a card she gave me and she wrote 3:00 on it, i even showed her the next mtg)
well, things physically and emotionally were still building and getting worse. but then last week when i could see her i decided to play like everything was ok cuz i had an OB appt right after her and seriously who wants to talk 'trauma' then go to the OB? i'm mean are you kidding?
****here's the TRIGGER part*****
my T made a comment about OB's see people cry all the time it would be ok, but i dont give a crap about that. i didn't want to get vulnerable and have memories of body invasion and then go the the FREAKING OB and have something shoved up me. -had to have pap and preg. exam.
***************since then my depression has really started to kick in. the ONLY person i feel comfortable talking to about that is my T. well both monday and tuesday i've been kinda bad off. crying spells, feeling of blah blah same old you know. and i finally thought ok. Today (tuesday) i'm going to be honest and tell t, thoughts are creeping in my mind and other typical depr. feelings.
10 Freaking minutes before i left work to go to her appt. she calls and cancels.
-she has the *Flu, since im in a room of several other people i politely say "no problem", she asks if i want to reschedule and i said no just next week, and i hung up.
*this is the part that i struggle with. i was Very disappointed i feel like its just been building and building and the DAY that i can finally release it 10 min. before i leave it gets blown out of the water.
HOWEVER, its the freaking Flu. #1 she feeling like crap, and all the flu icky's so even if i begged her to stay and see me she wouldn't be worth crap to help me as she would be focused on how bad she feel (not judging that's just how the human body works) and #2 i dont want to get it, i just got over a terrible respiratory thing.
So i can't really BE mad. its human, it happens. and she wont be any better today or tomorrow so why reschedule.THEN to top this off, there are 5 weeks in next month and i can only afford to see her 4 times in a month so i can't see her next week as well.
i just want to say CR@P to the entire therapy thing and just try to 'buck up' on my own. screw therapists and doctors that can't help me now anyway!!!!!
i'm just so freaking tired of this.i'm going to just go away for a while now and hide and recoup.
sorry for blabbing on all you. my nonsense.
i know its not even worth 2c right now. :(b2
Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 8:25:09
In reply to needing more..., posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 8:14:14
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 8:41:45
In reply to needing more..., posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 8:14:14
(((B2)))) I am sorry if my comments didn't take you seriously enough. When do you see your T next? I hope you can call her and get in to see her right away. Can you use the money from this month's sessions she was sick to help pay for the next month?
I am very worried about you, I didnt' know how deep you were feeling.
Please call your T.
Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 10:08:50
In reply to Re: needing more... » B2chica, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 8:41:45
no i didn't think you didn't.
i just didnt express myself before.i cant get in to see her cuz shes sick.
and we wont have the money next month when the bill will come.
it just wont work out.ive considered calling my pdoc and finding out my 'options', but ive been reading a bit and options dont look good.
haldol seems about the only option, but i wont be able to breastfeed, and since i've never been on it before i dont know how i'll react, PLUS i might have bad reaction coming off it.back to square one.
if i have to i'll just take more time off work (lying about the reason) and spend the day with my daughter.
because i notice when i'm with her i'm SO busy caring for her my mind doesn't go to wanting to 'act'.*last night was tough for me and around 7:00 we went downstairs and turned on tv, i felt so sad, so bad all i could do was curl up in the recliner and stare. my DD kept insisting to curl up with me.
this 1)feels good because it reminds me of just why i'm fighting. 2)feels bad because i know she senses something is up with 'mama'. :(i'm just lost, with no real direction to turn right now.
but like my entire life, i'll keep fighting as long as i can.
i can only hope that after delivery i'll be better. for now i'm taking trimester at a time...week at a time.
Posted by antigua3 on February 25, 2009, at 11:14:51
In reply to needing more..., posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 8:14:14
Saying I'm sorry that you're feeling this way doesn't help, I know, but I am.
You know that your body is undergoing tremendous hormonal shifts, which are exacerbated by not being on medication, and intensified by the troubles you're having with your T.
There's not much you can do about the hormones. You say you've been looking at the lit on any medicines that might be available, but it doesn't look hopeful. I was lucky enough to be able to stay on my AD when I was pregnant w/one of my kids, so I don't have anything to offer except to really let your pdoc and ob/gyn how you're feeling. There may be something out there for you. I'm just trying to throw you a lifeline here, and I'm sorry if I'm of no use.
As to the T thing, well, you can have some control over that. Call her and have a fit--she screwed up with the time and you lost out. Is that fair? I'm like you; it's easy to make allowances for them because they're just human but in this case you need to let her know loud and clear that you need her now.
I understand about the $$$ thing, too, as much as I wouldn't like to.
I've always found that my kids have been great in helping me hold it together, mostly because as you said, the time you spend w/your DD means you're not suffering.
I'm sorry. But maybe there is something out there to help. A med, I mean.
antigua
Posted by backseatdriver on February 25, 2009, at 11:26:33
In reply to Re: needing more..., posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 10:08:50
B2 --
Not sure what you've tried in the past for meds but Zoloft (Sertraline) has a low risk profile for pregnant women and is also okay for nursing afterward if you choose to breastfeed.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/DN00007
And it works. FAST.
I was on it for a couple of years and I could feel a difference within hours of taking it. Apparently this is not uncommon - my pdoc says he sees this a lot with Zoloft. It is available as a generic, too.
BSD
Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 12:22:41
In reply to Re: needing more... » B2chica, posted by antigua3 on February 25, 2009, at 11:14:51
wondering what med you were on? please.
Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 12:23:40
In reply to Re: needing more..., posted by backseatdriver on February 25, 2009, at 11:26:33
unfortunately, been on it and it didn't work.
but thank you thank you.
Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 13:37:31
In reply to Re: needing more..., posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 10:08:50
hold on tight to that daughter of yours (((B2))))
Posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 15:22:24
In reply to Re: needing more..., posted by HappyChaiTea on February 25, 2009, at 13:37:31
leavng work right now to go hug my littleone.
these days i live for picking her up from daycare. i MISS her SO MUCH.
she SO smart...she just amazes me every day.(i need to just hang tight to this)
**************
and i have been noticing (with the exception of yesterday) that i tend to get better in the late afternoon.
the mornings are worst, almost like clockwork when i first get to work and go through emails and such i start crying.
this morning lasted about 1/2 hour and 10 kleenex.but right now, i'm feeling...O.K.
thank you so much for all your kind replies.
b2c
Posted by antigua3 on February 25, 2009, at 16:09:33
In reply to Re: needing more... » antigua3, posted by B2chica on February 25, 2009, at 12:22:41
Effexor, and I was able to breastfeed, too.
antigua
Posted by lucie lu on February 25, 2009, at 21:19:42
In reply to still here..., posted by B2chica on February 24, 2009, at 8:39:07
b2c,
Sorry you are feeling so crappy. My guess is that between the preg hormones (which are no joke) and being off meds, your mind has little to buffer it from stress and some of the old, darker thoughts and feelings. The fact that you have been able to identify such a clear daily pattern for your moods is consistent with at least some biochemical component. And then your DH is feeling pissy because of the economy and other things. Not a mix that would make anyone feel good :(
I think there are a good number of A/Ds that can be used safely in pregnancy. I used wellbutrin throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding and I'm glad I did. Controlling your mood can also be important for the baby inside you, so it's not necessarily the best to forego meds that you need. Did your doctor tell you to go off them?
If so, did he/she offer some suggestions as to what you could use for mood disorder?Hope you're feeling better soon, sweetie.
((((((((((((((b2c)))))))))))))))
lucie
Posted by B2chica on February 26, 2009, at 8:03:35
In reply to Re: still here..., posted by lucie lu on February 25, 2009, at 21:19:42
thank you all for your input. it is Very Very helpful. unfortunately effexor and me don't mix...however i was on pristiq when i got pregnant. but it took like 10 weeks to even kick in. so i'm not sure on that front.
and wellbutrin was my wonder drug before my last pregnancy, then for some reason when i went to get back on it it didn't work, never kicked in for me.as for my doc? like he would even fricking suggest anything. his comments were "well i'll go along with what your OB thinks"...
some suggestions??? that would mean he would actually have to use his education and make a fricken decision...
the entire time i've been seeing him he's never made a med suggestion, except once when we were brainstorming as to what to try next. he did suggest lithium at one point, but 1)it was a little scary for me 2) havent had much luck with any moodstabilizer and 3)i had much better alternatives. and we did end up going with pristiq that i suggested...and it worked.
pristiq says its not much testing but shows it may be ok the first two trimestsers but not the third.i'm teary this morning but i haven't out right cried yet. looking good.
but i FINALLY got a decent response over on meds board.
someone suggested SAMe. so i think i'm going to call my OB and see what she thinks about that. i'm also going to do some quick reading.
and i KNOW i've seen that at my local drug store.
bleauberry also mentioned a couple other longshot naturals, but those are harder to find and not sure. so i'm going to check into SAMe first.if things continue to get worse i'll consider getting back on pristiq.
i just worry so much about this little life trying to grow inside me and what just a couple months of my weakness could permanantly do to him/her.
just not ready to take risks yet.
********************************
thank you all so much for the support. you have no idea how much i need it right now.
Posted by B2chica on February 26, 2009, at 8:06:01
In reply to Re: still here... » lucie lu, posted by B2chica on February 26, 2009, at 8:03:35
btw. when i talk about not ready to take those risks yet....PLEASE to anyone who took medication during preg. do NOT see that as negative to you. i MEAN NOTHING by that. infact i see that decision as very responsible and good. i just meant i dont feel for me that i'm quite at a place that i absolutely need those meds yet.
chances are i probably will, but not just yet.
thank you
b2c.
Posted by antigua3 on February 26, 2009, at 8:54:28
In reply to Re: apology for wording, posted by B2chica on February 26, 2009, at 8:06:01
No apology necessary.
I'm glad you may have some options. I think that's what's important.
The life growing inside is a wonderful thing. It was my favorite thing about pregnancy, connecting to that kicking, little thing, always wondering, "What do you look like?" Do you know the sex??? Just curious, of course, because I just absolutely love babies! No need to answer.
antigua
Posted by B2chica on February 26, 2009, at 10:20:17
In reply to Re: apology for wording » B2chica, posted by antigua3 on February 26, 2009, at 8:54:28
na, its too early to know the gender yet.
but not sure if gonna find out. last time i didnt really want to but was getting harrassment (like daily phone calls) from family members asking me if i knew yet, also accusations of us knowing and not telling them. So it was not worth all the anxiety and stress it was causing on my body so we found out. which was no big deal. we were VERY happy to have had a little girl.
This time around it really doesn't matter what it is so if i can get away without knowing, i will be fine.-but i think hubby kinda wants to know. the only thing is i KNOW he REALLY wants another girl, but i kinda think this ones a boy cuz preg is just SO different. So i'm almost afraid he'll be disappointed if he knows ahead of time.
i mean i know he'll love it, he says so and he will, but still i think there will be several months of disappointment till baby is born.but who knows, maybe my curiosity will get the better of me the later on it goes.
This is the end of the thread.
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