![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on April 14, 2009, at 11:05:23
I saw pdoc today. I started off by talking about Dr. Bob and how I was scared that Dr. Bob was acting strange and how I wish Dr. Bob would reply to my post.
I talked about how Dr. Bob ignored my post asking if he wanted to do something with me on Fri. for the Babbletrip.
Pdoc said it wasn't kosher. She explained that it would be unprofessional to do something with me alone. She said Dr. Bob can't be friends with anyone here.
Why does Dr. Bob have to be professional? Why can't Dr. Bob be friends with anyone here?
Posted by Kath on April 14, 2009, at 16:17:26
In reply to Pdoc said it is not kosher, posted by Deneb on April 14, 2009, at 11:05:23
Hi Deneb,
I guess he can't because although he's not our therapist, we are a part of this site & this site is part of his professional work.
In the same way that it's not okay for us to be friends with our therapist or pdoc, it's not okay for Dr. Bob to be our friend. He can be friendly. I wonder if it's possible for him to meet with you & whoever else from PB will be there? Or don't they arrive until later? Maybe Dr. Bob can meet with whoever is there from PB like he did in Toronto?
K
Posted by fayeroe on April 14, 2009, at 22:38:47
In reply to Re: Pdoc said it is not kosher » Deneb, posted by Kath on April 14, 2009, at 16:17:26
Deneb, I wrote you a post on Administration.......Pat
Posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 0:52:08
In reply to Pdoc said it is not kosher, posted by Deneb on April 14, 2009, at 11:05:23
I'm scared.
Posted by Phillipa on April 15, 2009, at 13:03:59
In reply to I feel like I am losing my mind, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 0:52:08
Deneb why? Love Phillipa
Posted by SLS on April 15, 2009, at 14:11:37
In reply to I feel like I am losing my mind, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 0:52:08
> I'm scared.
I'm sure you can see that everyone here is concerned with your health and welfare.
What are you scared of? Some of us (like me) may not know your history well enough to know what is making you scared.
If I felt that I were losing my mind, I would be scared too. The feelings are real because the concern is real.
So...
What evidence do you have that you are losing your mind?
It might be that you are simply overwhelmed with difficult and confusing thoughts and emotions that are making you feel anxiety.
Just so that we may have an example to go by, who can you think of who has lost their mind? He can be historical or fictional.
People generally don't "lose their minds" unless they suffer from extreme mental illness, usually Axis I disorders like schizophrenia or manic psychosis. I don't think you have to worry that you will lose control and that your head will go spinning off in a maze of hallucinations and delusions.
I hope you can tell now that you are not losing your mind. You might be experiencing extreme anxiety as the result of feeling overwhelmed. The question becomes: What exactly are those thoughts that are causing you so much confusion, upset, and overwhelming stress? Does it have to do with Psycho-Babble?
We can't know unless you tell us. I guarantee that someone here will be of enormous help to you if you can better explain what's going on with you.
This troubled time will pass. (Thankfully ,they always do).
Wishing I could help more...
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 15:42:01
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind » Deneb, posted by SLS on April 15, 2009, at 14:11:37
> > I'm scared.
>
> I'm sure you can see that everyone here is concerned with your health and welfare.
>
> What are you scared of? Some of us (like me) may not know your history well enough to know what is making you scared.I am scared of something very scary. I've scared of killing myself in a moment of depression and insanity. Specifically I am afraid I will jump off the Golden Gate Bridge in May on the Babbletrip.
The thing is, most times I don't want to die, but sometimes I get impulsive. When I get in a bad way now, I will still think of ODing. I've OD'd in the past, only once was serious enough to end up in the hospital and locked for 3 days in the psych ward. I did not want to die that time, but I still OD'd. I am afraid I will kill myself without intention.
I think and hope I will be OK, but if I feel like I am losing my mind I get scared. So far I am still going to work on time and am planning for fun things to do at SF. I think I will be OK.
Just this Dr. Bob thing has recently become more of an obsessive unrequited love type of thing and I am afraid the borderline me will surface and I might escalate in harmful behaviours in order to try to get Dr. Bob to respond to me.
Now, I don't believe I truly want to die because I am saving money and have plans to save more money. Plus I am planning on getting my degree finally. In other words, I am planning for my future and plan to live to be very old. I am just afraid of what I might do in a moment of borderline impulsiveness in order to get Dr. Bob to respond and give me attention.
Specifically I am afraid I might go to the Golden Gate Bridge, threaten suicide and hope that Dr. Bob or babblers save me and when they don't I jump and kill myself in my state of borderline dysphoria.
I have been somewhat obsessed with the bridge for many months now, imagining myself jumping off it, even searching for youtube videos of people jumping off it.
I don't want to die, but with the recent escalation in attention seeking behaviours in an effort to get Dr. Bob to give me attention, I am just worried that it might escalate some more and get dangerous.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 16:32:13
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 15:42:01
I am really sorry, I just realized that in making my previous post I may be scaring a lot of people.
Just to make things clear, I am almost 100% sure I will NOT kill myself. Please don't worry about me.
I think I just have anxiety.
I am not going to threaten suicide or hurt myself in SF or anywhere. I am going to be OK.
I am going to have fun in SF.
I don't think my insurance covered suicide attempts and there is no way they'd pay out life insurance if I were to kill myself.
I will definitely NOT harm myself or threaten to harm myself.
Posted by Kenya on April 15, 2009, at 16:36:18
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 15:42:01
Hi Deneb,
There is a movie called "The Bridge" that documents a year of people trying to take their lives off the Golden Gate bridge. It talks to survivors (both people that have survived the jump, AND survivors as in family and friends of people that didn't survive the jump).
I have had this same obsession in the past. This movie actually really helped me get out of that mind set.
I can tell just from your posts that you are an incredibly insightful, caring, and loving person. We want you here, and I'm sure there are many MANY others IRL who are blessed by your presence. Please hang in there and know that you are loved.
- Kenya
Posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 16:55:11
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Kenya on April 15, 2009, at 16:36:18
Thanks Kenya.
I know about that movie. I haven't seen it and am afraid to see it for fear of it triggering me or something.
I know lots o people care about me. I am really very fortunate to have caring friends here.
I wouldn't want to hurt them.
I will be OK. I think I have the insight needed to get through this. I don't think most people who go off into suicidal rages have this insight into their thoughts and behaviours so I must conclude that I will be OK.
Posted by SLS on April 15, 2009, at 17:30:29
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 15:42:01
> ...but with the recent escalation in attention seeking behaviours in an effort to get Dr. Bob to give me attention, I am just worried that it might escalate some more and get dangerous.
You are remarkably insightful of your own psyche (besides being remarkably intelligent). At this moment, I am unprepared to give any advice other than to suggest that you continue to listen to that part of your mind that understands your psyche and that makes intelligent choices. Continue to have respect for your impulsive nature, and do not act on impulse without first deliberating intelligently the appropriateness of the action.
- Scott
Posted by Sigismund on April 15, 2009, at 18:44:25
In reply to Pdoc said it is not kosher, posted by Deneb on April 14, 2009, at 11:05:23
>Pdoc said it wasn't kosher. She explained that it would be unprofessional to do something with me alone. She said Dr. Bob can't be friends with anyone here.
He had lunch with the 2 of us and if we'd met in Brisbane it would just have been with just me.
That didn't mean we were friends, and when you have lunch with someone you are in public.
Try not to worry so much. It's OK.
Posted by Sigismund on April 15, 2009, at 18:53:23
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 15:42:01
>I did not want to die that time, but I still OD'd. I am afraid I will kill myself without intention.
Interesting. That's the complete opposite to me. Part of me hates being alive, why I don't know in this beautiful world. Part of me thinks, maybe all of me thinks, that if we looked at life rationally we would kill ourselves quick smart. Rationally in the sense of good feelings vs bad feelings. Which is one reason I try not to look at it rationally, and derive some comfort from the past experiences of people and how they coped with being alive.
Posted by BayLeaf on April 15, 2009, at 19:19:23
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 15:42:01
If you suspect that you could impusively jump, then I suggest you skip the trip. It's not worth the risk!
And, perhaps staying away from Bob would be healthier for you. You seem to set pretty high expectations for him. We can't do that and *not* be disappointed.
Bay
Posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 19:51:55
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger* » Deneb, posted by SLS on April 15, 2009, at 17:30:29
I am going to go to SF because I believe the risk of me killing myself is very small. Many things need to come together for me to kill myself.
First I have to be upset enough to go to the Golden Gate Bridge all by myself. It is very likely that I will post something on PB were I to get upset and hopefully someone will be there to chat with me and calm me down.
At this moment to minimize the risk I plan on not visiting the Golden Gate Bridge at all. Now going to the bridge itself takes planning. I'd have find out how to get there and then I would have to take the bus to the bridge. It is not like a bunch of pills I have on hand and can just impulsively take.
Once I get to the Bridge, I'd have to climb over the railing and from what Racer has told me, it is very high, especially for someone as short as I am (4'11"). Now even if I were to attempt to climb the railing it is most likely that I will hesitate and struggle to get around the railing and it is likely someone would stop me.
Right now I plan on planning things to do alone to fill up my time, as I will be alone for 4 days out of 6. With things to keep me busy, I hope I will not feel lonely and sad.
Posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 20:22:17
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 19:51:55
I am getting a little worried again, as I just realized how much planning I actually did that time I OD'd and ended up in the hospital.
I went to the store specifically to buy pills to OD on that time.
But maybe this is a good thing, it wasn't 100% impulsive, which means as long as I don't plan anything now, I should be OK.
Perhaps I should make a plan to call 911 right away if actually take the bus to the Golden Gate Bridge by myself.
Whatever I do, I absolutely cannot rely on Dr. Bob or Babblers to "save" me.
Posted by SLS on April 16, 2009, at 6:32:34
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 20:22:17
> Whatever I do, I absolutely cannot rely on Dr. Bob or Babblers to "save" me.
Now you have me scared.
I think you should talk more about this to a professional.
Yes, you DO have a plan.
Thinking about suicide so constantly is a prelude to a dangerous act when it is combined with impulsivity, anxiety, and anger. I bet you are beginning to think that your committing suicide in SF is inevitable, now that you have the notion that you are losing your mind You now have a justification for losing control of yourself.
I worry that your disappointment in Dr. Bob that you foresee as a possibility will make you VERY angry if he remains at a professional distance from you. It is this anger and the anxiety of being in a foreign place that I believe might produce a dangerous state of mind for you.
Right now, I can only hope that your candor in speaking about suicidal thoughts and feelings will allow you to reach out for help if you need it.
Right now, I don't trust that you are as far away from suicide as you claim to be.
You don't need my blessings to do anything in life. However, at this moment, I don't believe it is a good idea for you to go to SF.
You are doing an EXTRAORDINARY job at verbalizing your thoughts and feelings honestly. Please don't ever stop.
:-)
- Scott
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 16, 2009, at 8:40:43
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 15, 2009, at 19:51:55
Oh, sweetie: I lived in San Francisco, and walked across the Golden Gate Bridge many times. They have a telephone to call for help, because so many people think about committing suicide.
I hope you will find some hope to hold onto..I know it probably seems so dark for you right now.
Holding you in my heart.
Love, Sassy
I went there alone a few years ago, as I had been stationed at the Presidio of San Francisco (which is now a National Park); walked across the bridge 2 times, and stayed as busy as I could; but being alone is awful. I know.
Posted by Deneb on April 16, 2009, at 11:05:18
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger* » Deneb, posted by SLS on April 16, 2009, at 6:32:34
OK, I just realized that the shuttle tour I am taking on Fri. May 15 has a 15 min stop on the Golden Gate Bridge.
I think I will be OK though, this tour is before any interaction with Dr. Bob and I would be with the tour group. Plus it is only a 15 min stop.
I am thinking of saying I am afraid of heights to stay on the shuttle at this stop, but I think that might be unnecessary.
I just need to stop visualizing myself jumping off. It is just an intrusive thought, intrusive thoughts can't harm me.
I am going to have fun on this tour. It is NOT my destiny to die on the Golden Gate.
Posted by Deneb on April 16, 2009, at 11:29:30
In reply to Re: I feel like I am losing my mind *trigger*, posted by Deneb on April 16, 2009, at 11:05:18
OK, my thoughts are silly. They are just intrusive thoughts. I have absolutely no intent of dying.
I am just going to have a fun time in SF. I will be ok. :-)
No need to worry.
((((((((Everyone)))))))) sorry I worried people
I'm going to have a blast in SF.
Posted by SLS on April 17, 2009, at 7:17:11
In reply to NOT losing mind, posted by Deneb on April 16, 2009, at 11:29:30
> OK, my thoughts are silly.
> They are just intrusive thoughts. I have absolutely no intent of dying.
Intrusive thoughts like yours aren't silly. They are very serious.
I know you are not having these thoughts voluntarily, but they are no less real. People do act on intrusive thoughts.
You "told on yourself" by stating to others that you were having thoughts of suicide, intrusive or not. This was the healthiest thing you could have ever done, despite the consequences of having these others become genuinely concerned for your welfare.
If you still intend on going to SF, perhaps you can find a fellow Babbler to buddy-up with for your stay there. You will probably have more fun that way.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on April 17, 2009, at 17:27:44
In reply to Re: NOT losing mind - I knew that, however... » Deneb, posted by SLS on April 17, 2009, at 7:17:11
There is no one staying for as long as I am, well except for Dr. Bob, but he isn't there to support me.
At first lots of people were going, I decided to stay from Thurs. May 14 to Tues. May 19. That's arrive on the Thurs and leave on the Tues. SF is very far away from Ottawa so I wanted to make the most of my plane tickets by staying longer.
I've been having these intrusive thoughts for a long time now, months, almost a year really.
Most times I am OK and don't think of them. When I get sad, I think of it.
Sometimes I really want to die, but most times I don't.
I got triggered on chat last night (not babblechat). Someone told me I was acting out. I got really upset and sad. I woke up today sad and I skipped work again. Slept until 5:30 pm.
I should go outside and get some exercise.
Posted by SLS on April 17, 2009, at 20:57:42
In reply to Re: NOT losing mind - I knew that, however..., posted by Deneb on April 17, 2009, at 17:27:44
(((((((((((((Deneb))))))))))))))
:-)
Intrusive thoughts suck.
Whenever I had intrusive thoughts, I simply recognized them for what they were. They were symptoms of my illness. They were manifestations of the biological brain rather than of the mind. They were involuntary and unpredictable. However, knowing this allowed me to dismiss each of these thoughts as they occurred. It required some reality testing, but most of these intrusive thoughts did not need further attention. They simply receded.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on April 23, 2009, at 23:15:44
In reply to Re: NOT losing mind - I knew that, however... » Deneb, posted by SLS on April 17, 2009, at 20:57:42
I'm scared.
Posted by Deneb on April 24, 2009, at 0:02:29
In reply to I feel bad again, posted by Deneb on April 23, 2009, at 23:15:44
That was fast. I wish I weren't so unstable.
Just feel down now, no longer want to die.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.