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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lucielu2 on June 22, 2011, at 21:42:26
Life goes on... I still see my same T but now it's a comfortable friendly sort of relationship rather than the lifeline he used to be for me when we were working through trauma and I felt so crazy. Its going on 9 years. He has been helping a lot with recent transitions in my life one child starting college, the other one graduated and moving away. One of the positive changes I am proudest of is that this spring I actually graduated myself to once a week therapy instead of 2-3 times a week as I had for years. As someone whos been in long-term intensive therapy for years with the same T, I think only on this board are there people who can understand what it means to take that step, to realize that youve really changed deep down in tangible ways.
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2011, at 8:21:32
In reply to Been a while..., posted by lucielu2 on June 22, 2011, at 21:42:26
Congratulations! All around. :)
It sounds as if you've achieved the state of healthy attachment with your therapist. No mean feat. And it probably helps you with any attachment issues that may be coming up with your kids.
Sigh. That's something I'll have to deal with soon.
Posted by lucielu2 on June 23, 2011, at 17:17:17
In reply to Re: Been a while... » lucielu2, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2011, at 8:21:32
Well, I'm not ready to finish therapy (still don't like the word terminate!), but I do think that finally, FINALLY, there does seem to be a pretty good relationship without all the angst of earlier years. And you're very perceptive - the stability of the relationship does help with the attachment issues that the kids' departures are stirring up. That part is not fun. I still get pretty bad separation anxiety. I have a tendency to feel that loved ones who are leaving me are falling off the edge of the earth, never to be seen again. Ugh.
Posted by annierose on June 23, 2011, at 20:05:30
In reply to Re: Been a while... » Dinah, posted by lucielu2 on June 23, 2011, at 17:17:17
When I first found babble (maybe 7/8 years ago) I always enjoyed reading your posts (besides a host of others). I felt alone seeing my therapist 2 - 3 times a week and it was nice to know there were others out there like me.
I hope you poke around from time to time. Glad to hear that you are down to once a week and adjusted nicely. I went from 3x to 2x a week last year and got used to that ... but then my marriage hit a huge canyon and I try to squeeze in that 3rd appointment if and when possible.
Posted by lucielu2 on June 23, 2011, at 20:32:39
In reply to Re: Been a while... » lucielu2, posted by annierose on June 23, 2011, at 20:05:30
Thank you for the kind words. I have always enjoyed reading your posts too. You have a kindness and warmth that always comes through everything you write. I'm sorry things are stressful for you now.
Actually when I went down to once a week, it was a big deal to me. It started out almost as an impulsive thought and then I blurted it out during one session, that I wanted to start the new schedule right away. My T was caught off guard but since there was nothing bad going on between us, we decided to go with it. You talked about feeling alone, and I did too because no one in my life could know that something so seemingly trivial could feel at all important.
But like you, I wouldn't hesitate to go back to meeting more often again if I felt I needed it and that it would be helpful.
Posted by Willful on June 24, 2011, at 8:08:53
In reply to Re: Been a while..., posted by lucielu2 on June 23, 2011, at 20:32:39
Hi, Lucielu. I'm glad things are working so well for you. We should all be so lucky! (or achieve so much through hard work...)
I always liked your posts and have saved some of them to read because they summed up so much. I'm not really surprised that you've taken such great steps. Growth doesn't materialize and takes so much commitment-- having the grit and insight about how to hang in there and take the risks it requires to make changes..
For me it's a struggle, and one that I'm not terribly successful with. But I do think I'm at least moving, gradually, in the right direction. My T says I need to be careful with my strong tendency to make progress and immediately to backslide. But at least there is progress. I see him 3 times a week and have for years. I don't really feel alone with it-- because I am in a great relationship, which gets better over time-- so I always feel as if my companion is there with me. But I do often feel defeated, disappointed in myself, and then of course just repeat the pattern of screwing up and having to work my way out of it again. Sometimes it feels as if I"m abusing myself (or the people around me)- by having or giving them hope and then undercutting it-- but it;s better than before when I was in a many years depression without any hope at all.
I hope you're going to stay around here a bit. I mostly just read, and don't post very often, but if it were more active, I probably would also get into the swing of it. Every place has its era, perhaps. But psychobabble is (or was, I"m not sure which) a special place.
Willful
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2011, at 13:49:52
In reply to Re: Been a while..., posted by lucielu2 on June 23, 2011, at 20:32:39
Glad to hear things are going well. My oldest is soon to move across country so I can sympathize a bit. What on earth did people do before we were so electronically connected?
Frequency in therapy is a peculiar thing. And I think you are absolutely right with it being a tough subject to talk about. Not many people "get" that going up or down in sessions has such significance. I'm glad you found a new way that works for you.
A few months ago, I dropped one session during the week, although we are in a state of flux about that at the moment. It was important for me to hear from my therapist that he was a bit discombobulated from it too. He said, "it felt like something was missing yesterday, all day. It threw me off." I was glad he missed me and could say it.
Glad to see you here again.
Posted by lucielu2 on June 24, 2011, at 16:12:45
In reply to Re: Been a while..., posted by Willful on June 24, 2011, at 8:08:53
I think I know what you mean about backsliding. While we say on Babble that progress should proceed in baby steps, mine seems more like the game of Twister - a couple of steps foward, or sideways, one back and maybe a twirl around. My T likens progress in therapy to a spiral, where the general direction is up but we regularly revisit the same space. But each time we do so, we are different, so the outcome has to be a little different.
I'm glad you have such a strong relationship with your T. I think it's easier to take chances when you do.
Lucie
Posted by lucielu2 on June 25, 2011, at 14:51:31
In reply to Re: Been a while..., posted by Daisym on June 24, 2011, at 13:49:52
Hi Daisy,
> Glad to hear things are going well. My oldest is soon to move across country so I can sympathize a bit. What on earth did people do before we were so electronically connected?
I have learned, as you probably have too, that kids who don't respond to calls or email do respond to texting. Many of my friends have become rather impressive texters. Text minutes to kids are like calories eaten when you're standing up - they don't add up or even count (lol). So they don't protest when you text just to say hi, which helps to keep in touch. Texting has done a lot for my separation issues :)
> Frequency in therapy is a peculiar thing. And I think you are absolutely right with it being a tough subject to talk about. Not many people "get" that going up or down in sessions has such significance. I'm glad you found a new way that works for you.
I remember when I went from one day a week to two. It was a completely different process, much more intense, opened up entirely new areas that couldn't have been accessed otherwise. Two to one really has done the same. It's opened up new topics for discussion and we have revisited certain old ones. So it has been more than just "less," if you know what I mean.
> A few months ago, I dropped one session during the week, although we are in a state of flux about that at the moment. It was important for me to hear from my therapist that he was a bit discombobulated from it too. He said, "it felt like something was missing yesterday, all day. It threw me off." I was glad he missed me and could say it.It is always nice to have a reminder that you are part of your T's life and in his mind.
> Glad to see you here again.
:)
Posted by Willful on June 26, 2011, at 10:36:29
In reply to Re: Been a while... » Willful, posted by lucielu2 on June 24, 2011, at 16:12:45
Thanks lucielu. .
Sometimes I know my T gets very frustrated with me, because as soon as I take a real step, I do something to take it back. But we've gotten to the point where we can at least agree that it's a pattern and talk about it in a good way. This summer, he's going away in two separate blocks of time; now for two weeks and for three and a half weeks in August. We've both agreed that this was a year of a lot of progress, even though there's a long way to go. And I for the first time I dont feel that I really will be overwhelmingly sad (even though that's not really so true anymore), even in August when he's gone for longer. Five and a half weeks is definitely harder and I'm happy that this summer is easier.
For me, there are many differences, but one of the biggest is that when I get so discouraged and even despairing, I/m more resilient, and can see a bit of hope to believe in,--- even if only that what I'm feeling isn't permanent,, that I'll keep on and be stronger the next day--- which I never felt before. But that's maybe the one I"m most in touch with today, because I got so discouraged last night. Even so I went to the movies and had a really fascinating experience. I saw the "Tree of Life.? Have you seen? I really recommend it-- here at least it's one of those films that everyone has a different opinion about-- and some people love and some people hate. It's one of the most remarkable films. In the past I would have be unable to, and have spent the evening in the most terrible hopelessness-- and also have missed a great experience.
I love the spiral metaphor. It really captures how you go over and over what seems like the same thing-- but always from a different place-- and eventually even though maybe your issues are still there, they've been transmuted greatly by all the work you've done on them.
Willful
Posted by lucielu2 on June 26, 2011, at 19:01:36
In reply to Re: Been a while..., posted by Willful on June 26, 2011, at 10:36:29
I hadn't heard of Tree of Life but will be sure to keep my eye out for it, given your review.That vacation thing.... I think it's great that you can see your progress in the context of being able to handle separation better. As one who always struggled with the inevitability of August, I know what a big deal it is to be able to say, well, I'll miss T but I'll be OK. Learning to tolerate separation is huge, and it does take resilience and strength. Good for you.
> Thanks lucielu. .
>
> Sometimes I know my T gets very frustrated with me, because as soon as I take a real step, I do something to take it back. But we've gotten to the point where we can at least agree that it's a pattern and talk about it in a good way. This summer, he's going away in two separate blocks of time; now for two weeks and for three and a half weeks in August. We've both agreed that this was a year of a lot of progress, even though there's a long way to go. And I for the first time I dont feel that I really will be overwhelmingly sad (even though that's not really so true anymore), even in August when he's gone for longer. Five and a half weeks is definitely harder and I'm happy that this summer is easier.
>
> For me, there are many differences, but one of the biggest is that when I get so discouraged and even despairing, I/m more resilient, and can see a bit of hope to believe in,--- even if only that what I'm feeling isn't permanent,, that I'll keep on and be stronger the next day--- which I never felt before. But that's maybe the one I"m most in touch with today, because I got so discouraged last night. Even so I went to the movies and had a really fascinating experience. I saw the "Tree of Life.? Have you seen? I really recommend it-- here at least it's one of those films that everyone has a different opinion about-- and some people love and some people hate. It's one of the most remarkable films. In the past I would have be unable to, and have spent the evening in the most terrible hopelessness-- and also have missed a great experience.
>
> I love the spiral metaphor. It really captures how you go over and over what seems like the same thing-- but always from a different place-- and eventually even though maybe your issues are still there, they've been transmuted greatly by all the work you've done on them.
>
> Willful
>
>
Posted by B2chica on July 26, 2011, at 12:25:54
In reply to Been a while..., posted by lucielu2 on June 22, 2011, at 21:42:26
lucielu!!
odd that i haven't come to this board in Forever and today i do and see you.
my heart grows warm to see your name.b2c.
Posted by lucielu2 on August 8, 2011, at 2:36:38
In reply to Re: Been a while... » lucielu2, posted by B2chica on July 26, 2011, at 12:25:54
b2c,
I just noticed your post! Thank you! It is nice to see your familiar name too. I responded below to one of your posts, but if you see this one, know at least that I saw your greeting.
Take care,
Lucie
> lucielu!!
> odd that i haven't come to this board in Forever and today i do and see you.
> my heart grows warm to see your name.
>
> b2c.
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