![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 30 to 54 of 54. Go back in thread:
Posted by All Done on May 3, 2004, at 11:07:06
In reply to Re: Feeble addition from a cross eyed zombie, posted by spoc on May 3, 2004, at 5:46:34
Dear Spoc,
I beg, I plead...please don’t go. Reading this thread has been the only thing keeping me going the last few days (okay, perhaps I exaggerate a bit). But I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve gotten angry, I’ve shaved my legs. Granted, I have the attention span of a two-year old, so sometimes I have to read your posts in "shifts" but you have managed to keep me reading.
In all honesty, though, I must say, you’ve changed my life (again with the exaggeration, All Done!) and I do have an interesting, if not somewhat funny, story related to this thread.
A little background – as of Friday afternoon, my husband knew nothing of my adventures at this site. He did not know I post, he did not know I had been so kindly befriended by the likes of Miss Karen, he did not know we IM each other, ahem, on occasion. Well, when I got home on Friday evening, I logged in to IM for a bit and usually I am vigilant about logging out before my husband sits down to the use the computer, but, that particular evening, I erroneously left IM open. So, there I was, reading to my son his very favorite story about a duck that falls in the mud and gets very dirty. (Don’t worry. It rains and the duck jumps in a puddle. He gets clean. It’s all good.) We were on the couch next to my husband and the computer screen was in plain view. Next thing you know, I see Yahoo messenger pop up with a message. As far as I know, my husband does not use Yahoo messenger. So I realize I must have left it open and I figure odds are, it’s KK sending me a message. Well, I just watch to see what he does, and it appears as though he reads it and closes it out. I wonder what he is thinking when yet another message pops up. And another. He reads them and seems a bit confused, but closes it out again and doesn’t say a word.
Now, you are probably asking yourself, "what in Dr. Bob's name does this have to do with anything, All Done?" Bear with me. Based on the information I have now received from KK and my husband, I have managed to put together a rough description of what the IM’s looked like and the events that transpired in my home on Friday evening...
(Husband is surfing the internet for information on hardy palm trees. We live in Chicago. Don’t ask.)
(IM pops up.)
KK: hey girlie!
(Husband reads, hesitates, and closes the IM pop up)
KK: did you see spoc posted to me?
KK: she asked me if i shave my @#$%^& !!! <------ If I used the actual word here, Dr. Bob might have to have the police ship me off to that jail in Guam with kid.
(Husband reads, confusion sets in, he closes the IM pop up anyway.)
Now, after finally disclosing to him that I have online friends that he was not aware of, he said, "Oh. I thought we were getting some kind of porn pop ups." He thought KK was PORN!!!
He then asked, "so, what *do* you and 'Kelly' talk about?" I can only imagine what must be going through his head.
So, spoc, I believe I have you, in part, to thank for having an integral role in "outting" me to my husband in the best possible way ever and I would miss having more potential opportunities to refer to KK as a porn star.
Keep posting, okay? Even if you do it in your sleep. We don’t care. We aren’t picky.
With much gratitude,
All Done
Posted by tabitha on May 3, 2004, at 12:09:26
In reply to Re: Impassioned plea from a red eyed mushroom, posted by spoc on May 3, 2004, at 3:25:24
Spoc, I hear you on the all-consuming power of the internet. I drag my laptop from room to room even though I have dial-up and a battery that won't hold a charge. Sure I could get new batteries, and a wireless modem, and DSL, but then I'd be online 24 hours for sure.
I tried various anti-addiction strategies, including a 1 hr/day quota, but the only thing that helped over time was going back to work in an office. When left to my own devices, my usage just creeps upward.
I really hope you don't have to cut the cord permanently-- your posts are so well-written and funny, I'd hate to lose your presence here.
Posted by noa on May 3, 2004, at 18:35:02
In reply to Re: Left-overs » karen_kay, posted by spoc on May 1, 2004, at 18:39:04
I swear, the two of you can turn this patter, banter, reparte, what-have-you into a professional act! Take it on the road from the information superhighway to live gigs. The wit is a welcome wonder!
*still giggling* and very very entertained.....
Noa
Posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 8:25:47
In reply to Re: Impassioned plea from a red eyed mushroom » spoc, posted by tabitha on May 3, 2004, at 12:09:26
OK, GET READY FOR A GOOD ONE! (I feel *GREAT* today btw!! Maybe it's all that fish oil and ginko biloba I've been consuming lately! Hey do you really think that stuff makes you smarter? I doubt it, but sorry, I digress!) ANYWAY! You’ll be retelling THIS one for years! But actually, I was never so EMBARRASSED in my life, and I kind of can’t believe I’m going to admit to it just for the sake of a laugh! Oh well, I like to share! ;- )
Mich möchten wie das Mädchen in der Singulair Werbung sein!! Das, wer geht, Familie ihres Freundes auf dem Bauernhof zu besuchen! Sie scheint, also glücklich und gut-justiert, könnte ich sie töten! Für Karen, was die Hölle sind Sie Ihr Leben vergeudend, das Deutsches studiert, wenn offensichtlich Ihre Talente in der Abdichtenbadezimmerfliese? liegen? JA -- Ich FAND IHR TAGEBUCH, UND DIESES IST, WAS Ich ÜBER UND ÜBER SAH (SEIEN Sie SO EINFACH ZU SELBST FRAU) ZUTREFFEND:
Yes, actually it HAD started out like any other day! You know how that is?? Where you look back later and can't BELIEVE you how clueless you were about what you were in for??? Anyway, BADEZIMMER-WAND-FLIESE! Ein Haarstrichsprung, beim Überziehen läßt Wasser hinter Badezimmerfliesen sickern. Wenn Sie Sprünge in der Zeit sich verfangen, können Sie aus vorhandenen Verbindungen (a Dosenöffner funktioniert gut) und regrout reiben. Sie können mit Bewurfproben experimentieren müssen, um ein gutes Farbe Gleiches zu erhalten - Altern beeinflußt die Farbe - selbst wenn Sie ein übriggebliebenes Versorgungsmaterial des ursprünglichen Materials benutzen. Wenn angrenzende Fliesen lose sind, erwarten Sie nicht, sie zu sichern, indem Sie den Bewurf reparieren! Überziehen Sie Hilfen, um die zusammen zu binden Fliesen, aber er kann nicht sie im Platz halten. Bevor Sie den Bewurf reparieren, mischen Sie sich weg von den losen Fliesen ein und schneiden Sie hinunter die Kanten des alten Klebers auf der Fliese und auf der Wand oder Fußboden. Lassen Sie den herausgestellten trockenen Bereich, und dann stellen Sie die Fliese mit Kleber zurück und überziehen Sie die umgebenden Nähte!! Tragen Sie Sicherheit Schutzbrillen, wenn Sie Bewurf, Eichmeister anwenden oder kalfatern Sie. Auch etwas Bewürfe, Eichmeister oder kalfatert können Ihre Haut reizen; es wird empfohlen, daß Sie Gummihandschuhe beim Arbeiten mit diesen Materialien tragen. Stellen Sie auch genügende Ventilation während dieses Prozesses zur Verfügung und wenn notwendig, benutzen Sie einen NIOSH-anerkannten Respirator!!
I KNOW, I KNOW! I HAD NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFE!! And boy, did I need it that day, so I just had to share! And if you think THAT'S funny, listen to what happened next -- Die Störung, Ihr Badezimmer zu kalfatern und zu überziehen ist richtig eins der größten Probleme mit Hauptwartung!!! Viele Leute denken zweimal nicht an das Kümmern nicht von von um ihren Badezimmern. Sie duschen und benutzen ihre Badezimmer für Jahre und nie einmal Re-kalfatern oder Re-überziehen. Wenn Sie nicht Sorgfalt des Bewurfs anwenden und in Ihrem Badezimmer, über Zeit, in kalfatern und im Bewurf zu kalfatern knackt, sind Ihre Fliesen loser, und Feuchtigkeit kriecht unter Ihre Fliesen und die Wände, die Fußböden und zu beschädigen säubern die Halteträger Ihres Haupt. DANN, die Fliesen. Bevor Sie Re-Abdichten oder Re-überziehen benutzen Sie ein chemisches Reinigungsmittel der allgemeinen Fliese, um die Fliesen.
YES! That is EXACTLY how ridiculous it looked! (But I did continue to date Brad Pitt for about a year, so it wasn't ALL bad!) Anyway, the clincher really is that Überprüfung gänzlich zu säubern der Bewurf und um Hähne und Drehknöpfe zu kalfatern. Überprüfen Sie, um sicherzustellen, daß die Dichtungen um alle Ihre Hähne und Drehknöpfe gut versiegelt werden. Wenn sie nicht sind, müssen Sie die Platten um Ihre Hähne vollständig entfernen und Drehknöpfe, zwecks das notwendige Abdichten und das Überziehen von von Änderungen!!
BUT IT WASN’T ALL FOR NOTHING! Here’s what I learned from it, and you can too: UND, zu bilden, das alte zu entfernen kalfatern. Benutzen Sie einen Schaber oder ein starkes Messer, um alles weg zu reiben, das nicht Fliese ist. Werden Sie den ganzen Überrest los, kalfatern Sie, überziehen Sie und Schmutz. Dieses kann einige Zeit dauern, aber Sie möchten sicher sein, dieses gänzlich zu tun und richtig säubern das folgende!! = 0
I AGREE, that IS hard to believe, and a lot of people think it’s the MOST INTERESTING AND USEFUL THING THEY EVER HEARD, AND MAY HAVE CHANGED THEIR VERY LIVES!! Oder, Ihr Badezimmer wie das folgende! Und, säubern Ihr Badezimmer wieder. Benutzen Sie Ihr chemisches Reinigungsmittel, um die Fliese in Ihr Badezimmer noch einmal überall zu säubern. Spülen Sie den Chemikalien weg gänzlich. Dann, Gebrauch aus, den ein starkes kalfatern. Sie möchten das bestmögliche finden, für Ihr bestimmtes Badezimmer zu kalfatern. Gespräch mit jemand an Ihrem Kleinteilspeicher, zum dieses zu besprechen. Seien Sie nicht geizig. Sie wünschen die Dichtungen die Arbeit erledigen und Letztes ein langes Zeit! = 0 !!!!
RADICAL? SURE! But in order to effect PERMANENT change, sometimes a thing has to be! And it's surely easy enough to see that this could work for you too. Oder, befestigen die Hahn- und Drehknopfplatten wieder. Setzen Sie Schichten von kalfatern unter den Platten, bevor Sie sie festziehen, anwenden dann eine andere Dosis von kalfatern, nachdem sie wiederbefestigtes Abdeckband des! Sogar, Gebrauches gewesen sind, wenn Sie einen Bereich kalfatern, der eine gerade Geraden für bestes Aussehen erfordert. Lassen Sie Abdeckband entlang der Unterseite der Außenseite Ihrer Badewanne laufen, um das beste Abdichten zu haben. Sobald Sie getanes Abdichten sind, entfernen Sie das Abdeckband!!! SO!! If no one ever told you that before, I understand why you are weeping because you know how much your life can now change and improve OVERNIGHT! WITH HARDLY ANY WORK OR EFFORT AT ALL! Turns out there is NO MYSTERY TO BEING HAPPY AFTER ALL! Oh no, don't mention it, you're very welcome! : )
(JA benutzte ich einen Netz-gegründeten Übersetzer, der warnt, daß es einige Sachen oben verwirrt; und ich würde lieben, zu wissen, was dieses WIRKLICH sagt! Besonders weil, sobald ich es verwendete, um etwas in einer Richtung zu übersetzen, dann übersetzte sie zurück zu Englisch, und WIMMERN war es screwy, wenn nicht beleidigend! Haben Sie einen SCHWELLEN-Tag Karen!) :- D
But seriously folks, you like WAY TOTALLY made my day, week and maybe more with your kind words and astute appreciation of me (hee hee)! I WILL be BAAAAAACK! But, I really do have a problem! Or twelve!! ;- )
Posted by All Done on May 4, 2004, at 9:31:02
In reply to Re: OK! You guys asked for it, my BEST one yet! :), posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 8:25:47
Well, Spoc, you've absolutely made my day! What a story! Not only am I LMAO, but now I can finally unchain myself from this horrid desk and take my newfound skills to apply for that handyman's position I've always been wanting.
I know it's going to be a great day because I started it with a good laugh! Thanks for that!
Guten tag! (KK taught me that one ;).)
All Done
Posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 9:54:40
In reply to Re: Please don't go!!! » spoc, posted by All Done on May 3, 2004, at 11:07:06
Hi All Done! (How convenient, I just had this all ready to submit when I saw your latest response! But again, don't be fooled, I am not really here!)
Anyway, you see, under your very nose is the solution as to how you can prolong and re-live the hijinx between installments! You say:
> I beg, I plead...please don’t go. Reading this thread has been the only thing keeping me going the last few days (okay, perhaps I exaggerate a bit). But I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve gotten angry, I’ve shaved my legs. > In all honesty, though, I must say, you’ve changed my life (again with the exaggeration, All Done!)... Keep posting, okay? Even if you do it in your sleep. We don’t care. We aren’t picky.
>
> With much gratitude,
> All Done <---
<<<< So, you could print it all out, make columns on a page, and feel as if you are there again as you break the material down into categories: the things that made you laugh; the things that made you cry; the things that got you angry; and the things that were so boring that you were able to extricate yourself to shave your legs! (Hubby is grateful for the boring parts then, no?)AND THEN! In between installments, posters can meet back here to compare notes! (But watch out! There will be passionate opinions there, so please keep it civil!) Or maybe Dr. Bob will create a separate board for it all! ;- )
But seriously! I think this may all have helped me identify the best way for me to make ALL my posts pass as readable and interesting, no matter HOW long and in reality serious the material is! I'll make fun of everything I do that's messed up, which is what I prefer anyway! For example:
"I was SO lethargic...."
"HOW LETHARGIC WERE YOU?"
"I was SO lethargic, I bribed the doorman to bring me my mail after two weeks, so I didn't have to get dressed and go downstairs myself!!"
"I was SO lethargic..."
"HOW LETHARGIC WERE YOU?"
"I was SO lethargic, I MAILED my bank deposit so I wouldn't have to get dressed and go there!"
Hmmmm, on second thought, maybe that wouldn't be the same! ;- )
All Done, I must say, as far as whether I'm exaggerating about the mayhem and sloth going on over here due to my procrastination-feeding, Internet-based compulsion to hide from real life, you might be in a unique position to verify whether it's really that bad. OOOPS! I didn't say that, never mind!
BUT moving right along! About me having a hand in "outing" you to your husband. That brings to mind an interesting subject (that may have already been covered in threads before). I had considered starting a thread about it myself someday. However, since I have now admitted to myself that I can't be trusted to initiate anything online that may result in me hovering around even more, I am partially muting myself unless and until either therapy or drugs enable me to do things quicker and to moderate (That may be more likely to happen if I get INTO therapy, or a drug trial, in the first place!)
ANYWAY! The potential subject is, how do people here handle it when they really, really want to refer to this place and the people here, but are talking to someone who they are reasonably sure wouldn't take it seriously or would find it a questionable activity?? (Btw, if you like the topic and it hasn't been done to death before, feel free to take it and run with it!) :- )
But, bottom line, thanks so much for the compliment! : D
Posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 11:35:05
In reply to Re: Impassioned plea from a red eyed mushroom » spoc, posted by tabitha on May 3, 2004, at 12:09:26
> Spoc, I hear you on the all-consuming power of the internet. I drag my laptop from room to room even though I have dial-up and a battery that won't hold a charge. Sure I could get new batteries, and a wireless modem, and DSL, but then I'd be online 24 hours for sure. <
---
<<<<< You know, I have a bad battery and no wireless modem either! So makes the mess over here even worse! I have cords long enough to reach from Guam to here all over my floor, so I can drag everything around! Yes, I trip over them frequently, but what's a few teeth if I can find a way to stay on the Internet longer!Sometimes though, I accidentally rip the plug out that connects the DSL modem to my laptop, then I tremble as I realize my oxygen has been cut off and I must shut down and wait for everything to come back up again! Which, on this elderly beast, takes quite awhile. You'd think I'd use that time to take my vitamins, return a phone call or go to the bathroom; but NO, I can only stare at my computer screen as it reboots, holding my breath until I am back in a world that makes sense to me.... And come to think of it, one that I can CONTROL! Maybe THAT'S the attraction!
---
> I tried various anti-addiction strategies, including a 1 hr/day quota, but the only thing that helped over time was going back to work in an office. When left to my own devices, my usage just creeps upward. <---
<<<<<< I really do need to do something like that, but lately I've lost the sense that I even DO enjoy other things more once I'm doing them, which is ridiculous! But it keeps me one step removed from undertaking any strategy. And in any event, with me it seems to be more a matter of how my OCD or whatever it is makes ANY task imaginable take an outlandish amount of time. If I allotted myself one hour online, I would have only deleted my spam, read two paragraphs of something and written "Dear Mary, it was SO wonderful to hear from you....." by the time it was time to sign off!And it's not just the Internet I'm fascinated by. On the occasions I do disconnect for awhile (can't remember the last time at this point), in no time I am tinkering and figuring out how various functions work, and even how the computer itself works. I'll go to the edge and sometimes risk making performance adjustments that may either help or, in one fell swoop, render this thing useless junk (which may be for the best)! Never before the last few years did I even realize I had an interest in technology. (So on that note, listen to me at your own risk on computer subjects, because anything I know or think I know has been self-taught!)
The whole thing is ironic and kinda tragic. Computers and the Internet are one of the few natural passions in myself I've identified, but as things are, I could never even *dream* of channeling and using them in a fun and potentially profitable career. Which would behoove me greatly to be able to do. Sadly, even writing, another of my few natural passions, falls into this takes-me-ridiculously-long-and-turns-into-a-stressful, obsessive-nightmare category. : ( !!!!!!!
You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I longed to get back to where I only watched too much TV when I slipped into hiding-out mode! I rarely watch at all anymore, which may sound like a good thing on the surface, but is actually something I think maybe I SHOULD add in again! Because it is easier to walk away from, and to also do/think about other things even as you indulge in it! For the susceptible, computers and the Internet can grab on for so much longer, offering a diverse, interactive and self-contained world.
So whaddaya think, where should I go at Babble to best have the agony of this behavior validated? I suppose it would have to be Substance Abuse! It's ironic that there actually are a lot of online self-help forums for Internet addicts, and even Internet-based therapy for it!!!!
---
> I really hope you don't have to cut the cord permanently-- your posts are so well-written and funny, I'd hate to lose your presence here. <---
<<<<<< Thanks much, and I will continue to pop my head in! In general, I see SO many things I'd like to reply to or try to help with when I look at the boards, but lately the extent of my addiction and compulsiveness (and slowness/perfectionism when indulging) has really hit me. As with any addiction, I never know when I will end up on a real bender! The old "Oh come on, I can stop at just one" self-delusion! Well, sometimes maybe I CAN stop at just one post -- but even if I thought I only had one simple thought on something to add (as in the case at hand!), it can still get out of control!Tabitha, you are wise not to get DSL if you know your own tendencies. And also to have realized you are better off working away from home! Smart cookie! ;- )
Posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 11:54:20
In reply to Re: Left-overs and placeholders» karen_kay » spoc, posted by noa on May 3, 2004, at 18:35:02
> I swear, the two of you can turn this patter, banter, reparte, what-have-you into a professional act! Take it on the road from the information superhighway to live gigs. The wit is a welcome wonder!
>
> *still giggling* and very very entertained.....
> Noa---
<<<<<< Thank you so much noa, that makes me feel really good! As I'm sure it does Karen, but she's hit her lifetime limit for compliments already, so forget her and we'll all concentrate on MEEEE! As a matter of fact, she was just telling me that she's bored with all the attention and admiration, and wishes people would just start ignoring her. Right Karen?? (hee hee!)But seriously noa, don't even TRY to tell me this has been as much fun as our romps on Admin, talking about cookies and Internet Explorer! And don't ANY of you try to tell me my dissertations on search engines didn't make for your favorite bed time or bathroom reading of all time! "Just one more chapter, one more chapter..." I know how it is! Don't be embarrassed, for some it's trashy romance novels, for others it's material on performing Internet searches!
And I'm glad you popped your head in noa, I had wanted to say I have always found you nice to chat with! Although thus far, it's been contained to things like the above, hopefully we'll also move on someday to subjects that don't only serve as natural sleep aids to most people (besides me)! ;- )
Posted by karen_kay on May 4, 2004, at 20:22:50
In reply to Re: OK! You guys asked for it, my BEST one yet! :), posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 8:25:47
(*set scene: candles, nightie, glass of wine, soft music playing in the background, in fact piano music... yes, piano music, i like that. imagine with me, if you will, my voice is soft, yet longing, full of desire, but hurting in a way as well. does that set this up good enough? just what exactly do you people want from me? there's only so much i can do on a computer, ok? i'm trying here. if i had a camera and a crew, it would be better. i'm not an english major dam* it! but anyway, cigarette burning in the distance, a bit foggy.... that's good enough. i don't want to be here all night people. this is mearly for my amusement, sheesh!)
(*stands up, takes a sip of wine, takes time to think about what i must say. i want to think carefully about my words, as i don't want to lose spoc, now do i? voice also becomes softer. this i call 'soft' or 'nice karen')even when i attempt to translate your post, yet my attempts prove completely worthless, i'm still in love. i tried typing one word at a time, but gave up my dear. i tried yet another site that would allow up to 150 characters. i copied and pasted paragraph by paragraph, phrase by phrase to capture the essence of your secret whisper to me, yet that wouldn't quite hold my interest long enough either. i searched and i searched for a translator online spoc, i really did. what do you want from me? i can't fritter away my life here online. is that what you want? me to become an internet junkie as well, trying to read into your posts? trying to find your exact meaning of every phrase and letter? i just can't do it spoc. i just can't. (lets out a sigh...)
even when you speak a language i truly cannot stand to hear, i adore you. (*voice gets a bit louder and more demanding*) a language that sounds like you have something caught in your throat, your voice still sounds sexy to me. a language that i would swear was created when someone stapled their foot to the floor with a staple gun, you're still wooing me with the magic of intrigue and mystery. (*voice becomes demanding in a way, yet becomes softer as well. if only you people talked to me in real life, you'd understand my 'different voices'*) i must warn you spoc, you're playing a dangerous game. a game i thought i ruled. a game i thought i had created. a game i thought i had long ago mastered.
(*sitting down. drinking wine from bottle. sobbing now. notices a gnome run across the floor and throws the empty wine bottle in the general direction. the gnome is hit in the head and lies dead. karen and spoc have dinner plans tonight. karen stands up, fixes her nightie, takes a long drag from ciggie and takes a deep breath.)('authority karen' voice)
look spoc, this can't go on any longer. you have to stop with these games. why don't you just come out and say how you feel? i know i've neglected you. i know i've done you wrong. i can't say i'm sorry enough. but, let's get this out in the open. let's say what's on our minds. let's kiss and make up. you can't keep hiding from your feelings. you can't keep this up any longer. i know you still care about me. i can see it in your eyes. so, just tell me. quit speaking in this language i can't read. quit hiding behind your games. it's time for you to come right out and say it. it's time for you to be honest. it's time for you to admit it. i know one language, and that's the language of love. let's start speaking that one.
(sits back down on the couch. has another cigarette. and another. and another. by now, my voice is hoarse. i still have tears in my eyes, though my makeup is perfect. i stand, but even with feet the size of mountains, i can't keep my balance. spoc rushes to keep me up. we embrace. we kiss. she brushes the hair from my eyes. she looks lovingly into my eyes. oh yes, she's hooked once again. and she thought she had an internet addiction. ha!)spoc, in conclusion (so, i had an english final today, pardon me) i must address my point. though you try to remain mysterious with your foreign language and your cat and mouse games, i see through all of that. i know you love me almost as much as i love you. you try to make me jealous by posting briefly then leaving yet again to visit your numerous other friends and lovers. i'll not be jealous i tell you. it just won't happen. you're a wild girl (i wonder sometimes) that i just can't tame. i'll let you run. i won't even try to tie you down. well, i take that one back. but anyway, i won't keep you from your many adventures. you have days to sieze and lives to mystify. i won't stop you from doing so. i only ask that you not forget me. and that you briefly shake that lucious rump my way every once in a while. i'm stuck here. yes, i want you for my own, i'll admit that. but, at the same time i know it wouldn't be fair to the rest of the world to hold you back. you have many other hearts to break and money to steal. much like me, you are a kitty cat. willing to lie in bed one moment, then the next you are ready to punce and run to the neighbor's house for a treat of tuna and a pat on the rump. i know your type, i've seen it before. he!! i thought i invented it. so, i'm caught in my own trap i created. looks like karma kicked me in the pants.
(*walking away shaking the rump of course and the head is tilted sideways, closing the door, the lights are dimming, blowing out the candle, ashing cigarette on the floor, final puff)so spoc, is this it? are you done with me? are we really through? is this my last goodbye? i'll miss you, i really will. and i'll never be the same. and the next lover i meet, i'll take his money viciously, out of malice for my broken heart, but it won't be as fun as the last. and every time i hear the beautiful language i'll now call geroc, i'll think of you. and i'll cry. but they'll be tears of joy. because i know you'll no longer be playing slip and slide on your floor. and you'll no longer be sleeping with your laptop on your chest, but instead with mr bob by your side (and slinky of course, and through kid in there too). and everyone will be happy. and times will be good. and i'll marry donald trump. and i'll buy babble. and i'll delete this post. but, i'll never forget the times we had. so, i leave you with these final words....
new kids on the block expressed it best for me with 'please don't go girl'
Talk Intro... We've been together for a long time baby
Do you have to leave?
Please don't go girl
I just can't live without you
So listen to me don't go
(Chorus) Please don't go girl
You would ruin my whole world
Tell me you'll stay
Never ever go away
I love you I guess that
I always will
Girl you're my best friend
Girl you're my love within
I just want you to know
That I will always love you
Oh baby
Tell me you're staying
Never ever go away
I need you
I guess that
I always will
(Chorus)
Please, don't go girl
I'm going to always love you girl
I'm gonna long you girl, till the end of time
Tell me girl, that you'll always be mine
(Chorus)
Please don't go baby, no
(*door slams, music stops, lights are out. spoc is left alone, karen's sobbing in the other room. spoc picks up the coffee table and hurls it across the room. hits two more gnomes. looks like gnome stew for dinner. kid, all done (and husband looking for kelly!), slinky, noa, tabitha, and fallen all come for dinner and DESSERT!! whipped cream is served and jai cleans up the mess. ha ha jai! you lose this time! who wears the apron now?*)*side note, unrelated to this huge mess i plan to present one day somewhere some day for a new series on nbc, called "my day's a'comen"..... spoc m'dear... i meant every word of it. unless you're like me and look too hard into it. if you figure out what i meant, please let me know. i wouldn't mind stopping by to help you accomplish your mess you call work, but i have a feeling we'd be too busy to really get work done. i'm caught because i like you spoc and want to play. on the other hand, i'd like you to get your work done too. can't work wait awhile anyway? it is just work isn't it? and i'm kk. what's really imporatant here, work or play? i'd go with play, but that's just me and i have no job. but perhaps that's why i'm always broke. but, i'm pretty playful too. not that i'm trying to persuede you or anything ;) (yes, i winked at you) maybe you should get your work done darling. i'll be here. oh, but it is so very much fun playing with you too. and to think that i gave away so many secrets so soon. imagine what else you could pull out of me..... now darling, get back to work. i just saw that gnome steal your stapler and everyone knows that memo was sent about your reports. see you soon?
Posted by tabitha on May 4, 2004, at 23:39:32
In reply to Re: Cyber madness » tabitha, posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 11:35:05
that Dr Bob has anti-addiction limits on the site? you can set it to allow yourself a limited number of refreshes per 24 hour period. Like that would stop us! Ha!
You crack me up about the cords. I have a 25 foot phone cord trailing off from every outlet in the house, and little line splitter dohickeys so the phone can also be attached. Really I don't think I want a wireless modem. I like wires. Makes me feel connected. IR ports and bluetooth dongles are just creepy. T'ain't right I tell ya! If bits need to travel, they oughta travel through wires. It was good enough for grandpa and it's good enough for me!
Posted by kid47 on May 5, 2004, at 9:39:56
In reply to Re: Did you know... » spoc, posted by tabitha on May 4, 2004, at 23:39:32
that doesn't speak german?
Posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 9:42:40
In reply to Am I the only one on this board..., posted by kid47 on May 5, 2004, at 9:39:56
Posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 10:14:21
In reply to Re: ja ja sind Sie (nm) » kid47, posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 9:42:40
http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/
Wie geht es Ihnen, kid?
Posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 10:18:14
In reply to Re: This is all I've been using... » All Done, posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 10:14:21
Posted by spoc on May 5, 2004, at 10:22:45
In reply to a vicious cycle.... » spoc, posted by karen_kay on May 4, 2004, at 20:22:50
Karen, cupcake, I KNOW! It IS a vicious cycle, LIFE ITSELF is a vicious cycle!! (Is that even how you spell 'vicious,' it has always been one of my problem words, I just don't know and I'm too tormented and confused to even spell check it right now!) So many questions -- so much pain in this veil of tears we call life -- and no answers!!! Karen I can be of NO USE to you until I get some answers, gimmee some answers PLEEEASSSSE! WHY WHY WHY IS IT.....
.... that I can't be like the girl in the Singulair allergy medication commercial, the one who goes with her new boyfriend to visit his family on a farm! Nothing bad has ever happened to that girl in her LIFE, I can tell by looking at her! (Even her poor judgment in wearing black slacks and a black wool trench coat to the farm -- which could have intimidated the folks and gotten things off on the wrong foot -- works out FINE in her case!) She's a bit tentative and nervous when she arrives; in itself it *is* a nerve-wracking situation (if that is even how you spell 'nerve-wracking')! Will they like me? Will they think me worthy of bearing his children?? Will my allegies act up??? But soon, she is shelling peas or whatever you call it, giggling as an errant pea flings willy nilly into her face; riding a tractor through the fields with dad (oh, she didn't want to at first, I could tell -- but again it works out FINE); getting big laughs to her stories on the porch -- which in reality are probably Barney jokes and tales of how forest creatures bring her nuts and berries when she goes on picnics!!! She couldn't be uncivil if she tried! Dr. Bob has been trying to hire her for years!!
TOO MUCH HAPPINESS FOR JUST ONE PERSON, IT'S NOT FAIR! EVERYONE HAS ALWAYS LIKED HER; SHE'S NEVER EATEN TWINKIES OR FRITOS; SHE LOOKS BETTER WITH GLASSES THAN WITHOUT; AND NO ONE HAS EVER INDUCED HER TO RUN A LEAD-SATURATED QUARTER DOWN HER NOSE *OR* PUT GLASSES OF BEVERAGES ON HER HANDS AND HEAD! SHE PROBABLY WON'T EVEN TRY TO SNEAK INTO HER BOYFRIEND'S ROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, NOR TAKE A SHOWER WITH HIM WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING! SHE'S NOT *LIKE* THAT (AND HE DOESN'T EVEN MIND)! I LOVE HER, I HATE HER, I MUST BE HER!!! WHY CAN'T I BE?? Karen, when we visit your family, can we shell peas and ride tractors? Will you phone ahead and threaten harm to everyone if they don't laugh at my jokes??!
....and WHY!!! WHY are there so many commercials where the typical happily married couple is supposed to be represented, and she is always thin and beautiful; while he is rather portly if not fat and looks like he could be a fat funny guy on Saturday Night Live! YES! It does appear as if he would still look like a comedian even if he lost weight! This is the latitude the producers feel is owed to all husbands! Think about it, just TRYYYY to remember a single commercial you have EVER seen in your life wherein the wife was the one weighing in somewhere between chubby and fat -- just for the heck of it, unrelated to the product being peddled -- while the husband was a trim hunk!
You just TRY to tell me you have ever seen that! It's not like it's the WOMAN who has nature's fat deck stacked against her or anything; not like HER body is genetically programmed to store fat reserves; not like SHE has to have the children; not like SHE'S the one driven to psychiatric medications!! NOOOO, it's not like any of THAT is relevant, HE gets to be the fat one and it is OK! Even charming! It is SO ok that you may not even notice these commercials anymore! Karen, if I give in to you, who gets to be the fat one someday?!
.... how can love flourish in me in a world where there is such wide spread inequity everywhere I look! Even at my favorite message board, where I run for refuge, everyone gets longer subject lines than me! YES IT'S TRUE, I know it's true, don't try to tell me otherwise! Other people can get half their post, their email address and the weather forecast in their subject lines, while I have maybe four spaces to work with after the "RE:!!" No I NEVER exaggerate, don't insult me that way! I display a VERY positive attitude at ALL TIMES, b*tch!
.... and people! How can I live and love without fear on the same planet as all those people who ask you "...hey are you busy?" *BEFORE* telling you what the favor is they want from you, and its magnitude! Don't tell me they don't realize what they are doing, they know EXACTLY what they are doing! They are purposely HIDING its magnitude from you! Knowing full well and with evil design that YOU will look the fool if you answer so as to preserve your right to subsequently say that you are too busy; that this is how little they are worth to you; that this is how selfish you are!! How do I know you would never do this to me Karen, if I let down my guard and trust you!
.... and SHOPPING CARTS!!! Your fear of SHOPPING CARTS!! As a result of that you won't be there when I need you! At those times when I am contentedly reading labels in the aisle and spacing out; and someone in need of validation or stress relief will stand silently being blocked by me, rather than use that hole in their face known as a mouth to simply and expediciously say "EXCUSE ME," and flag the fact that they are there and need to get by! Why is it that they don't -- I'll tell you why they don't! They would rather stand there silently for five minutes until you finally see them yourself; jump; and fall all over yourself apologizing and exclaiming what an inconsiderate CLOD you are, possibly wondering if you even deserve to LIVE! This is MUCH more satisfying to them!
And Karen, you won't even be there to kill them for me, not even just a couple of them! So you will have to be sure to get all of them for me in locker rooms, on crowded sidewalks, and other places where humans gather and mill about en masse; with some of them stopping to stare at something and daydream, and others pretending to be greatly inconvenienced by that just for sport! Many of them flock to such places for this very reason, especially while tapering off meds! And see, you may have always thought it was the *inconsiderate daydreamer's* fault for getting in the way, but NOOOO! Turns out you are wrong, and I need you to be there for me, shopping carts or no shopping carts!
.... and my slinky (the toy) joke! Karen, how could I let myself fall for someone who so cruelly will not take a gift from me that I have offered up at least three times now! Are you so spoiled that you feel you already have enough slinky jokes? Can ANYONE ever have enough slinky jokes?? That is just RUDE and ungrateful of you to say! So you will now take it whether you like it or not! And if you REALLY want to win my heart and trust, you will get back to me and tell me you thought it was HYSTERICALLY FUNNY, regardless of your true reaction! Get back to me with answers and assurances about *ALL* the aforementioned suffering; make sense of it all for me; or I will NEVER be able to unleash my heart in that world! OK THEN! Without further adieu (if that's even how you spell 'adieu'), my SLINKY JOKE!
Why are some people people like slinkies?
Not good for much of anything but fun to watch one tumble down the stairs!!!
Posted by spoc on May 5, 2004, at 11:18:26
In reply to Re: This is all I've been using... » All Done, posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 10:14:21
> http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/
>
> Wie geht es Ihnen, kid?----
<<<<<< AH! I see YOUR translator utility is just as accurate as the one I used! Which was:http://dictionary.reference.com/translate/text.html
Here, for example, is a recent message I tried to translate from English to Spanish (no, I can't even speak Spanish!), and then for kicks, back again using its own translation. There seems to be just a TAD bit of an accuracy problem GOING BACK to the original language, so we can probably assume there is also one on the first half of the journey... which as non-speakers of that language, we will never KNOW about before we offend, confuse or offer to perform acts we we didn't mean to (but may find we like anyway)!
Here is the sentence using your site, All Done:
Ok, I'll be ready in about an hour! I'll meet you there, ok?
TRANSLATED TO SPANISH:
¡La autorización, I'll sea lista sobre alrededor de una hora! ¿Reunión de I'll usted allí, muy bien?
TRANSLATED *BACK*:
The authorization, I'll is ready on around one hour! Meeting of I'll you there, very well?
----
USING MY TRANSLATION SITE:
Ok, I'll be ready in about an hour! I'll meet you there, ok?¡Autorización, seré listo sobre alrededor de una hora! ¿Le satisfaré allí, muy bien?
TRANSLATED BACK:
Authorization, I will be ready on around one hour! I will satisfy him there, very well?
---
Hey, at least my site has a better sense of humor and may get me more dates!This reminds me of an instance of Fun with AOL Spell Check, of which there can be many if you don't check the checker! It's a mischievous little devil! Once, in a work-related email, I had misspelled "surprised" as "suprised." And in haste, I accepted AOL's suggested correction. Instead of ending up saying "I've surprised you," I said "I've SURPASSED you!"
Better think twice about trusting any of these utilities when it matters, like the next time you write letters welcoming any foreign ambassadors in their native tongues! And no, I have no clue what I may have ended up saying in my post yesterday (which, for those being driven mad by wanting to access the secrets of the universe contained in it, was about caulking bathroom tile). I *swear* that to my knowledge, I broke no rules in it (although you HAVE to keep in mind that authors of such subjects tend to be a pretty spirited and passionate bunch)! ;- )
Posted by noa on May 5, 2004, at 21:23:48
In reply to Re: OK! You guys asked for it, my BEST one yet! :), posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 8:25:47
Your story, transformed by many manipulations, linguistic and deletional, but with no added words and with the sequence the same, is now a "found" poem:
How the girl wants to be.
Family around,
Life of clear losses,
that therefore examines the ground.A line interweaving behind the ground,
that has been robbed by time.Existing--the power.
Experiences in the influence of color--
they remain, binding--
Measurement on the basis of skin.Work with these materials!
Inside--disturbance, greater problems.
Far from the ground,
and fused from the little, older edges,
you to the zero,
and order.Many people do not think twice,
they never run once,
and they use the years.With the ground fused, low and clean,
the return occurs--
the used return them, examined.
The connections? Well, the connections bind.Nature--complete, necessary.
A strong measurement, complete.
A certain hour, but they are wanted,
to always return.One memory of finding the right lines,
the best aspect,
the connection of its course,
the territory,
the operation,
one better.And the knowledge to indicate this TRUELY..
Posted by tabitha on May 5, 2004, at 22:41:10
In reply to Re: Spoc's story becomes found poetry » spoc, posted by noa on May 5, 2004, at 21:23:48
Posted by kid47 on May 6, 2004, at 9:00:10
In reply to Re: This is all I've been using... » All Done, posted by All Done on May 5, 2004, at 10:14:21
I am doing OK. Thanks for asking.
kid
Posted by spoc on May 6, 2004, at 10:10:05
In reply to Re: Spoc's story becomes found poetry » spoc, posted by noa on May 5, 2004, at 21:23:48
WOW!! Noa, this has made me feel good and important, as I see my words are full of imagery and meaning even when I am talking about regrouting bathroom tile! ;- )
Very creative work and editing -- did you use one of those translator sites? It's intriguing that so many "powerful" words, from which meaningful poetry could be written, came up in conjunction with caulking! Hey, if I write my *real* story in German, will you make it into a poem too? Ha ha. Now, watch that version turn out to be the one with nothing but mundane translations popping up!
My German post started out with a paragraph saying something to the effect of "Karen, why are you spending your life studying German, when obviously your talents lie in caulking bathroom tile?" Then I surfed for a nice dull article (there being no relation to Karen there of course!); then I finished up with something about the Singulair girl I believe. Very interesting exercise to see how even that could end up with a message about life! But all due to your skill of course, not what I wrote!
You're talented! I haven't been to the writing board yet, but I bet you can be found there too, no? I also had been wanting to tell you I loved your description of the place where sand crabs roam free! I lived in such a place for many years, and often wonder why I left; and think about how complicated, especially for a terminal procrastinor (amongst plenty of other things) it would be to ever get back there. I miss so many things about it. There were also these tiny, multi-colored clams that would dig into the wet shoreline when you disturbed them, and of course the adorable chameleons, and vibrant, colorful foliage and flowers.... Ahhh, enough, the grass is always greener (although in this case that's literal).... Back to work! But thanks again for the poetry! : D
Posted by karen_kay on May 6, 2004, at 13:19:43
In reply to Re: a vicious cycle.... » karen_kay, posted by spoc on May 5, 2004, at 10:22:45
so spoc, you wanted some answers. well then, answers you shall receive. and not just answers by some 'commoner' either. because in case you have forgotten by now, i have all the answers. no no!!! wait, don't close the screen yet. stay right here. it is true, i really do have the answers to all of the important questions of life. if your belly hurts, it can only mean a few things:
*you need to go to the bathroom
*you need to eat
*(and this is the worst yet, i hope it never happens to one as precious as you spoc) somehow, while you've been under the influence, most likely in a drunken stupor or another intoxicating and yet fascinating substance, someone, possibly a friendly acquaintance or sister perhaps, dares you to drink a concoction consisting of mad dog 20/20, vodka, and something else i can't quite recall. (now, keep in mind that before this mess you've already eaten a hefty load of chips and cheese and cracked some sort of joke about a chip sinking in the cheese that only you understood. it's still funny to this day, though i don't know why. also, your lovely sister also has convinced you to stick your head in a bowl of cheese dip and just happened to have a camera nearby.) while you begin pouring the glass back, you smell the foul odor and change your mind (even though you never turn down a dare). your sister may remind you of the yellow streak down your back and you take a small sip, however your friend runs over to assist in this horrible plan to teach you a lesson (though what that is i'm not exactly sure of and still have yet to figure out). while pinning your arms back behind you and holding your head back, your lovely and beautiful sister pours the quart of putrid and vile alcohol down your throat. when the deed is done, you are so confused and scared (not to mention spitting fire, why would anyone ever buy mad dog? yuck!) you decide you need a drag from your cigarette, miss your mouth completely and burn yourself in the face with hot, red ashes. but, you get the final laugh, as it is your sister's house and you do leave her a present on her bathroom floor, as you miss the toilet completely. and that doesn't smell any worse coming up than it does going down, trust me.i have plenty of answers. like what to do when the hood of your car flies up while you are driving down the highway. now in high school i drove a boat. a huge car. a car so big that i once pulled over to make a phone call, hit the pay phone, uprooted it completely, and didn't do a bit of damage to my car. a car so big i could fit 13 people in it. a car so big, the hood weighed 200 lbs. they called her, "the white whale"..... so, i was driving down the highway, and i speed so i was probably doing about 70 possibly and all of the sudden my hood flew up on my car. talk about crapping my pants. that's some scary stuff! somehow, i managed to get my car pulled over (just my luck, into the driveway of my nemesis) safely, as i thought my car too big to just park on the side of the highway without being able to see out of the massive windshield. so, when i got out, i couldn't get the hood to stay down. i didn't know what to do. i couldn't stay in my nemesis' driveway, as i wasn't ready for a fight at this moment. and i did just have a relatively tramautic experience. not to mention, i was on my way to my friend's house to get out of town, and i wanted to go see a movie. so i pulled the hood down as far as it would stay and jumped on it. several times. until i heard it click. then i stopped. *side note, my car was finicky. she leaked power stearing fluid. so much so, that i had to fill it up several times each day. and, sometimes she wouldn't start, so i had to lift the hood and jiggle the battery cables* then, i got back in the car and continued driving, picked up my friend, and drove about an hour out of town. we got to the movie theatre early, picked up our tickets, and left to go across the street to target to get some snacks for the film. after that, we got in my car and decided to go get some food. i turned the key and my car wouldn't start. i got out to jiggle the cables and my hood wouldn't come up. it was stuck. i heaved and heaved but it wasn't moving. i called my mom and she said her common phrase 'what do you want me to do about it', my dad wasn't home and i was scared. i was stuck. my car wouldn't start. and my friend was mad at me for jumping on it (like she wouldn't have). not to mention we were going to watch batman forever (or another bad batman movie). what a day. just the worst. oh, it gets even worse. we went to target to kill some time before the movie and they called the police on us. the police arrived and i asked for help. they helped alright, they said i had to move my car. so, the police officer steered while two girls pushed the white whale into a different space. they said i had to call a tow truck. i called, but i had no money. uh oh, i asked my friend if she'd take it out in trade, but she wouldn't. i was stuck. but, the tow driver arrived, looked at it for a second, used some gadgets and popped the hood. he even fixed my battery cables for me. so, the morale of the story is if your hood flies up on your car, don't pull over in your nemesis' driveway to repair it. it only leads to bad things.
now spoc, i'll answer your questions.
dear, you asked me if 'vicious' is spelled v-i-c-i-o-u-s and i consulted my dictionary. it in fact is spelled correctly!!! i did spell it right. however, upon looking in that blasted book, i found that instead of saying vicious cycle, what i meant to say is vicious circle. i often find i am wrong about things, just not the important things. ok, maybe i'm not wrong about things. let's move on... (oh, you spelled nerve-wracking correctly as well! what a good girl you are today)the girl in the allergy advertisement is much like you and i. yes, i know, from the outside she appears perfect. she's in the car, perhaps a bit apprehensive about the trip. but, in the end, she gets the huge hug from the smelly stinky old man. you know why she looks rather uncomfortable about the situation? do you? because, upon arrival she realizes that this is her family as well. her lovely boyfriend is also in fact her BROTHER. and all this time, she didn't know it. but, after the inital discomfort, everyone realizes, 'if sarah's ok as a daughter, she'll make one fine daughter in law too!" and when that smelly old man on the tractor hugs her, she's a bit taken aback because she enjoyed the tractor ride just a bit too much. sure, at first she didn't want to go for the ride on the tractor, she was hesitant, but who can resist all those vibrations and movements through the pollen fields and out through the country with your boyfriend's relatives? not sarah for certain. even if they all happen to be related. so, to answer a few question: yes, they like her, no her allergies don't act up... but, about bearing children, that's a negative. sorry hun, that won't happen. perhaps adoption?
now, the bigger questoin: after you found out the true story behind sarah, do you really want to be like her? sure, she's cute. sure, she has allergies. i mean, she's not in a summer's eve commercial (though i'll keep my eye out for her). and she looks better with glasses too (but, she still looks kind of cross-eyed. does that make you feel better dear?) but, knowing the real story, wouldn't you rather eat fritos? wouldn't you rather wear contacts or glasses (i happen to love glasses anyway) and not worry about sarah? i have a feeling poor sarah will have a hard time planning the wedding come next fall. i mean, how can you walk down the aisle, when there's only one side? and then if she does divide the family, how would she split it up? and you know that the rest of the family won't be nearly as thrilled about this arrangement. and think about her coworkers. how they'll suffer. they'll become confused when she talks in circles about why his last name is the same as hers. and why they always go to the same place for holidays, even though she mentioned they're going to her folks this year and his last year. her coworkers will become confused. the world will be confused. in fact, i'm thinking about filing a lawsuit against that company for not explaining the situation completely.
and yes dear, we can ride tractors at my folks, though i think we may have to rent one. can you rent one? i'll find one for you darling. and we can shell peas. and i'll phone them and tell them they must laugh at your jokes, they must be pleasant, they must behave. but, i'm afraid my mom and sisters may full well try to look up your skirt while you aren't looking. is that a problem? i hope not. it is a compliment, of sorts.
(ok, at this point last night i had to save the document as these answers take time. and never have i ever saved a post on babble. this shows the loyalty, consistency, and integrity to which i devote myself in answering your questions..... so, it's noon, i'm full of all new types of creative thoughts today and i'm ready to continue. oh, and i didn't realize but according to word, this is now at 3 full pages. i didn't realize you asked so many questions, and i've not even gotten half way through. but spoc, i will finish today so you no longer have to live your life aimlessly wondering about the girl in the commercial, or the fat man with the skinney wife, or people who stand wordlessly by without asking you to move your cart [oh, and i'm one of those people, just because i'm in no hurry. sure, i could say 'i'm sorry, but i wouldn't want to break your concentration if you find what you are reading so important and i really don't mind standing there for a moment. but, that's just me. perhaps everyone else wants to make you feel inconsiderate? spoc, are you sure you don't know me?] but, back to answering your questions....)
day II... and still more answers
there are rather larger men in the commmercials with the thinnner wives because everyone knows that cooking is woman's work. yes, the woman must slave away in the kitchen all day to prepare the meal for the man. but, men are odd creatures. they don't need much to make them happy. a dead animal on a plate will keep their jokes coming. so, while the woman becomes thinner and thinner due to the building stress of housework, cooking, putting up with a fat old man, the male creature tells jokes and feeds his face, happy to know that at least he has someone there to cook it for him. and the jokes come aplenty as long as there is some sort of dead animal in his stomach to give him motivation. nevermind that his lovely wife is on the verge of a psychotic break. never mind that she paces the floor night and day wondering how she will keep her hair from turning grey at such a young age of 30. nevermind that she didn't have a chance to finish medical school becuase her fat old man needed her to quit and work to support him through the accelerated course of 'how to tell a joke in 5 months' even though when he graduates he's still not funny. so, she cooks for him to keep him happy, getting thinner and thinnner. but, don't feel sorry for her. she has the pressure to keep thin, yes! but, all the while she's much smarter than she appears, because she is scheming. she's plotting. she's planning. she's ummm, you know, she's read the last three sentences if you don't understand what i'm saying. because as this man gets fatter and fatter (and thinks he's funnier and funnier) she'll laugh at his jokes which aren't funny, and she'll slide the fried chicken in his direction. "oh no honey," she'll say, "i'm not hungry. you eat more." but, she's plotting. because one day, when she's had enough, and that life insurance plan finally matures, and he's eaten himself into a major coronary, he'll drop dead. and she'll be rich. and she'll find a new husband, one twenty years older than she is. one way out of her league. one who will in turn do the same to her. because this spoc is the way true love works. there really isn't a such thing. it's called 'buying your time' and giving/taking what you can, and making the other person believe you really can put up with their crap until that day comes when you can no longer. but then, once you get out, someone else does the same to you. so, humans aren't supposed to love. or perhaps it is love? or maybe she's jsut trying to stay in good shape for the day when the husband she doesn't like finally kicks off and she can find one she does. but, it all comes back, doesn't it? so, to answer your question in a few words, he's fat because she's overfeeding him and there's no food left for her to eat. or, she's trying to keep her figure for when this fat sack of crap dies. or, she's jsut so in love she can't even eat (hardey har ha!) you can take your pick dear.
about subject lines darling: i post my complaints to mr bob on a fairly regular basis aobut the subject line not being long enough. a good way to make it a bit longer is to delete what was written there and rewrite your own new phrase. i do this often and if people get confused, they don't tell me aobut it. i don't find it confusing, but i also have fairly circular thinking and it jumps around often, so a bit of distraction keeps me interested. what confuses me are those threads like this:i ate a squirrel <jai
re: i ate a squirrel <jai all done
re: i ate a squirrel <all done jai
re: i ate a squirrel <jai all done
WHAT??? kkso, when i see threads like that, where people talk to eachother and then you open it and at the top it says "in reply to i ate a squirrel posted by..." it confuses me and i stop reading. i can't tell who ate the squirrel. i can't tell who's asking questions. i can't tell who answered the questions. i just plain get lost. i avoid them and for my own benefit try to save my place with a new message in the subject line. that way, i can figure out just who in the world ate the squirrel.
but dear, about inequality... i don't like it either. i don't like it that mr bob spends so much time at my house and not enough at all done's. it doesn't seem fair to her. and everyone knows she is the fairer of the two. but, i have the better personality and i've heard word that mr bob is a leg man anyway.
and it doesn't seem fair that for some reason all of those diet commercials seemed to be aimed towards me. and i get angry. and i remove my socks and throw them at the dramatized doctor on the television. and yet, i still pick up my telephone and my old man's credit card and rush the order overnight. even though the pills they send are nothing more than pure speed (and that's always fun too!) even though they do nothing but make me run around in small circles through my living room, like a hamster in a cage. and when the supply runs out, what do i do? do i order more? no, of course not, i've already lost the phone number. i sit on the couch and eat chocolate. or, i watch my dog poop in the corner. or, i'm so out of it, probably due to the lack of speed in my system adn the extreme crash, i'm irritable and i do nothing but sit on the toilet for days on end, staring in the mirror repeating to myself, "you will never be fooled by dr feelgood again" but, the next time i'm watching daytime tv and another diet commercial comes on with a girl who couldn't get out of bed but lost 145 pounds with the help of a simple pill and NO EXERCISE REQUIRED i nearly trip over my own feet running to the phone. and the cycle continues. some say i'm easily fooled. i think those people are advertising executives and they are counting on that.
so, if i find a way to get you more space in the subject line, can you find a way to keep me from ordering thos diet pills? we can each give a little, right?
oh, and about 'those people' who ask if you are busy. i always say 'depends'... i'm pretty good at ahving an excuse. my old man! 'oh, you know my old man, he won't let me." and then most people understand. but spoc, i'd never do that to you. i'd free my schedule for you anytime. and i'd never be so rude as to ask what you were doing before explaing precisely what it was i was asking you to do. the nerve of some people. sometimes people just don't think before they speak. not you of course, i meant every other person on this planet. to try to coyly trap you into doing something without telling you what it is they want you to do. there sure are some pretty inconsiderate people out there, aren't there spoc? and to think that i wax my arms to impress these people. and i brush my teeth to impress these people. and i shave myself, all to impress these people. well spoc, no more. only for you! i'm devoting my grooming techniques only to you now. because you'd never call only to say, "are you busy" would you? and then say, "since you aren't busy, i need a kidney and i found out you'd be a perfect match." and when i answered, "well spoc, i'm pretty hard on my kidneys and feel i may need them both (do we even have 2 kidneys?) so i can live to my full potential age of 50" you wouldn't come back with, "well you said you weren't busy"....but, what's worse than that is when my sister calls and the first thing she says is, "how much do you love me???" oh dear god, that means trouble. that's happened a few times. once, she needed bail money. (and getting caught with certain substances "which weren't mine! i swear!" yeah, ok i know it was, you don't have to try and fool me, i'm not the police, i'm your sister!) another time she needed help moving, that day, out of town, without warning. she's an aquarius you know. that should help explain it and i got a washer and dryer out of the mess. but, she needed to use my truck, so that's why she even told me she was moving) and another time, she called and woke me up. i heard the 'how much do you love me line and i had chills. i said, 'it depends on what you did' this time it was, 'i'm pregnant' since i was asleep, i said the first thought that came to mind and it was 'is it spongebob's?' she wasn't too thrilled about that one. but, she laughs about it today.
so spoc, yoou think the whole, "are you busy' line is bad? wait until you hear the "how much do you love me" line. that means trouble. and i'd simply hang up the phone, except i just can't wait to hear the story behind the question.
about the shopping carts and those inconsiderate people. they like to have the power. they like to make you think that you've done something wrong. they like to be in control behind a cart, because they lack control of their own lives. this too reminds me of a story....(sheeesh! are you getting tired of my stories yet?)i was shopping with my friend. now, i'm a gorcery store princess, and by that i mean that it takes me forever to get through the grocery because i wait on people, talk to strangers, smile at everyone. i feel like a queen at a 4H fair. but, i'm no good at shopping. i walk from one end of the store to the other, several times. i can't remember where things are. i swear, there's no rational order to the way they arrange items in a grocery store anyway. but, she knows how i am and hates it. she also knows that i can't stand to be around shopping carts. when we got there, i reminded her, "well, ummm, you have to take the cart because i can't and you have to shop because um well..." she cut in with, "i know, you're weird about everything. you watch the people and smile and look pretty and i'll shop. we just have to hurry because you have to be back in a hurry to fix thanksgiving dinner and we have a whole list of items." so we started. i wsa smiling and waving, an old man winked at me. things were looking good. then, out of nowhere, she turned the cart around while i wasn't looking and smacked me with it. i was shaking, i let out a small scream, i was frightened, i had the memory of my sister hitting me with the shopping cart... she was sorry, but, she's a rude shopper. she plows through aisles. she hits peoples carts. she doesn't apologize. she cuts people off in lanes. she rreaches in front of people. and i'm left giving the sympathetic smile and handshake afterwards. but this time, after she hti me, she came up fast on an older woman. i didn't think she'd do it. she side-swiped the old lady and kept moving. she said, "i thought that would make you feel better for me hitting you earlier." oh dear, my friends are rude. i couldn't even sya i was sorry, i didn't stop to see if the older lady was ok, i didn't have the nerve. but you know, a part of me wanted to take that cart and run my friend over. another part of me wanted to giggle. it was a sweet gesture, of sorts?
i'm not so spoiled that i haven't heard enough slinky jokes. no one can hear enough of them. and i rather loved that one. i didn't ask sooner, as i didn't want to appear too anxious, tripping over myself. i'm glad you told it. i wonder why you didn't tell sooner.i saw the slinky joke on my screen and my heart started pounding. i wasn't sure that was safe, with the diet drugs still in my system, so i scrolled down a bit further and began reading, taking in each word slowly. my heart was still beating quickly so i had to rest for a bit and return later. i wouldn't want to die before i had a chance to read the joke. i got up, took another diet pill, and tried again. somehow, that helped. i read the joke. and i laughed. i thought about a friend i once saw falling down the stairs. i thought about myself falling down the staris. i thought about you falling down the stairs. the last thought made me cry. oh spoc, it caused me so much pain to think of you falling down the stairs. so, being inspired by the joke, i coaxed my old man down to the basement. as he started down the stairs, i pushed him. he fell, but not like a slinky, as he didn't quite bounce like one. spoc, you inspire me to do good things! everyone can use a trip every once in a while. now that i've gotten rid of the fat man, isn't it our turn to meet? huh?
i must say, this last post i even read bits and pieces to my old man and i was inspired to read on the laptop as well, just to get in the feel of things. i didn't fall asleep with the computer on my chest, as i'm sure i'd die that way, with the heavy amount of drooling i do. he laughed, i laughed, the dog laughed. we're one big happy family spoc. now, if only i had a mistress, life would be perfect.
oh, btw, are you busy?
Posted by spoc on May 7, 2004, at 10:51:01
In reply to day II sorry so short... » spoc, posted by karen_kay on May 6, 2004, at 13:19:43
....Hmmm? No, sorry, no clarification will be forthcoming. Either you get it or you don't.
Which does beg the question, however: If you were a character on Seinfeld, which one would you be? In your answer, you may allude to aggregates of characters; as well as use any "cameo" or non-regular characters. Please use a number 2 pencil and press firmly, but check your quarters at the door.
Well Karen, I fear I may have used today's purportedly fresh coherence on the med board already, and there is less than usual left for you. (Do not bother scrambling over there to hang on my every available word -- it was not very interesting *nor* informative, but in my chronic obsessive compulsive state I wore myself out as usual just by memorizing all the drug names, dosages and caveats of things I have NO intention of ever trying.
Do you ever do that kind of thing? I'll be reading a Useful book, wherein the main objective is simply to get through it and glean whatever information I may be so lucky to without spacing out as I read. But when I realize I've been spacing out, I make myself go way back and start over, even to relatively unimportant parts or footnotes, as though the objective is true memorization of every word. So regarding many types of self-help books, instead of netting 80% of the information and being thankful for that, I net 100% of what's in the first 15 pages, then put it down forever.
Anyway Karen, it's kinda stormy out which I am liking; but there is some kind of spark, some electricity in the air; and I believe I would enjoy using my remaining time here to complain and be difficult for a change. Will you join me?
First, I would like some historical perspective on your implication that when we visit your family on the farm, I will be wearing a skirt. For one thing, I am not about to push the envelope the way Sarah did and be overdressed when I arrive. So if instead you refer to the salt-of-the-earth, practical, plaid frocks or housecoats sported by many farm women of oldde, just what is it I have gotten myself into here? What exactly ARE the womenfolk in your family like? Will we be wearing pinafores and buns too?
And just what is it that you think I'll be doing that will facilitate your family members being able to see up my dress? Do you think I'm about to help with chores? Possibly even climbing up a tall ladder in the barn to that second level wherein the slasher or mutating creature can always be found in horror movies? NO THANK YOU, and I don't find it encouraging that you would let me risk my life that way; nor the lives of your own supposedly treasured family, when I also mutate into a zombie and come back to eat them later. Learn to think ahead and display better reasoning skills, would you?
Your story about having the police called on you at Target has also stirred up something painful for me, thank you very much. Many years ago I drove over the border into Canada with some friends to go X-mas shopping. In our naivete, we believed that hitting the first mall we came across would put us on the trail of exotic quality items, just as though we had made it all the way to Montreal or Toronto. Clues as to the error of our ways -- such as itchy plastic threads sticking out of most garments, and sleeves of differing lengths on the same article -- were somehow escaping us. We posed for a keepsake picture together in full-length fur coats, then hung them back up to break for lunch, trailing patches of animal hair behind us as we went.
We decided to enjoy our midday meal in the restaurant of a department store. We were admittedly giggling just a bit over something or other, at a decibel probably similar to that heard from people requesting directions from gas station attendants. There were no drugs or alcohol involved. Well, the next thing we knew, our plates had been removed; we were in the office of the store manager pleading for our very lives; and then were being swiftly escorted from the premises by security.
Later, upon entering civilation again, we were informed that this store is the Canadian cousin of Sears. And we all breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that our very status as classy broads was not in fact at issue. Subsequently, we also heard that the reason there are no Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in Canada is that they can't get the seven secret herbs and spices through customs. And it was then we realized that by this definition, our senses of humor were probably indeed rather spicy -- yet clearly delicious. But it took me years to really believe that and come to terms with it. So thanks Karen, that was yet another step on the ladder of my slow descent into mental illness, and you had to go and remind me.
As a matter of fact, you are all pretty inconsiderate of my issues. Why, just yesterday I was smiling through the pain and looking at the bright side as I posted to noa that I had enjoyed her description of magical little sand crabs that scurry here and there. When in fact this memory also hurt me deeply. When I was an adolescent, I got it in my head against the wishes of my mother that the perfect birthday gift to present to a friend at her party would be a live fiddler crab in bowl (wrapped at the last minute of course, with holes punched to facilitate oxygen distribution). I thought this creative idea would make me the favorite gift-giver and bring admiration upon me from the party goers in general.
Well. Imagine my horror when the bowl was unwrapped and there languished the live crab, somehow sans most of its legs, which were floating about in the water around it. Although I have no clue as to what caused that to happen -- I had handled everything as gingerly as possible and had stood ready to ward off any attempted shaking of the package -- needless to say this gift choice did not, in fact, make me the belle of the ball. Noa, would it *REALLY* be too much to ask that you anticipate such a thing before you post? Please confine all future posting to Barney jokes and tales of kind-hearted forest creatures (all of whom are in possession of all their limbs).
Actually Karen, I think I may be coming down with something today. It is at such times that I am best able to help others dispense with any positive illusions they may be hurting themselves with. So here's another one, germane to our common experiences in being at this board. Perhaps you have at times seen this admonition:
"You seem to have closed the posting window without submitting a post. In case you did that by mistake, here's what was in your message box:
[Insert given universal truth]
"If you just decided not to submit anything, that's fine, of course, and you can just ignore this."
WELL!! I am here to tell YOU that often you CANNOT "just ignore this!!" That is NOT in fact always the case! Often this message will NOT go away, even when I completely close out the board and come back in! There are NO options to "Click Here to Get on with Your Life" provided in the message, and going Back from the browser arrow doesn't work either at these times. "..That's FINE of course...You can just ignore this..." YEAH RIGHT. YOU MAY IN FACT BE PENALIZED FOR QUITE SOME TIME. JUST ANOTHER LIE, ANOTHER INSTANCE OF US BEING LEAD ASTRAY IN AN ALREADY CRUEL WORLD! I am close to breaking the story that in reality, Dr. Bob inflicts this bug -- together with unworkably short title lines -- on every 73rd poster registering; and then tracks their descent into madness as it manifests in their posts.
Karen, I am going to go toil for my keep now, and this has only constituted a quickie for me (again, get your mind out of the gutter. And surely that's not how you want it to be the first time anyway). Rest assured that I am, in my compulsive way, keeping track of ALL unfinished subjects we have touched on since the beginning; and you have raised several additional issues over which you can eagerly anticipate me getting back to you eventually. The agony and the ecstasy does not stop here, despite the fading interest demonstrated by your gratuitous and hurried response yesterday. ;- )
Posted by noa on May 7, 2004, at 18:01:08
In reply to Re: Spoc's story becomes found poetry » noa, posted by spoc on May 6, 2004, at 10:10:05
I am not so talented, just a little twisted, I think.
Here is how I got the poem:
I copied and pasted all of the German text from your post. Then I used the translator function several times to go from and to several languages. I forget the sequence, but it involved German, of course, and some English (twice I believe) as well as french and Spanish (or maybe it was Italian, I can't remember) and I think somewhere in there was a round of Dutch.
At certain points, the translation itself was hilarious!! And at one point some of it was, well, patently OBSCENE! (Sorry, I edited that stuff out).
OK, so then I started just cutting out words here and there to try to see if I could get a story that would make some sense and be entertaining or maybe meaningful. But it was hard to get a good syntax going, as you might imagine, after these translation permutations.
So, I decided to keep editing out words, and then add some punctuation, and get a poem. But I did not move any words out of sequence, and I didn't add any new ones.
It was kind of fun!
I haven't written on the writing board. But you know? It might be fun to do this as a writing game on the writing board. Take a mundane text, translate it at least 4 times using at least 4 languages, and then edit it by just deleting words and adding punctuation (no moving words or adding words) and make a story or a poem.
Posted by noa on May 7, 2004, at 18:18:17
In reply to day II sorry so short... » spoc, posted by karen_kay on May 6, 2004, at 13:19:43
>oh, and about 'those people' who ask if you are busy. i always say 'depends'... i'm pretty good at ahving an excuse. my old man! 'oh, you know my old man, he won't let me." and then most people understand. but spoc, i'd never do that to you. i'd free my schedule for you anytime. and i'd never be so rude as to ask what you were doing before explaing precisely what it was i was asking you to do. the nerve of some people. sometimes people just don't think before they speak. not you of course, i meant every other person on this planet. to try to coyly trap you into doing something without telling you what it is they want you to do.
KK,
WOW--what timing! This is a very current issue for me. Just yesterday I was telling my therapist about the coy trapping thing and the wierd ways people ask for favors.
1. "Are you busy tomorrow at 1:00 pm?"
or, the even more intrusive:
"What are you doing at 1:00 pm tomorrow?"
OK, they've already stepped into my space-grrrrr. WTH business is it of theirs to know my specific agenda items for the day? They've cornered me with this sly little question, and such a question has become sort of "normal" to a lot of people. Not to me. Especially in my job where I have a lot of stuff to do that isn't always specifically scheduled, like calling the 43 thousand angry people back after I listen to their voice mail messages, and performing circus tricks on cue from my superiors.....
2. "Can you do me a favor?"
This one has the effect of cornering people, too. I have learned to say "I don't know, tell me what you are asking first." BUt I still feel like they've made me defend my boundaries and I don't like to have to do that all the time, which seems to be the case more and more! And then I feel some pressure to have to justify why I cannot do what they are asking. Grrrrr
I think that there are certain people who can ask these questions without it feeling like I'm being cornered, but that is only in the case of certain close co-workers, for instance, where there is trust and a sense of mutual support.
I was just talking about this exact thing in therapy this week because it is a goal of mine to say "no" more and hold my boundaries better.
Posted by karen_kay on May 15, 2004, at 11:07:46
In reply to Re: THESE PRETZELS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY.., posted by spoc on May 7, 2004, at 10:51:01
i think that is my favorite seinfeld episode. the one where kramer is convinced he saw pig man in the hospital, where a patient falls off the building onto george's car, and jerry is nervous about holding the baby and the guy misses and cuts off the tip of his finger instead.
i've heard about pig people prior to this episode, we called them pigme's and they were in a wooded make-out area known as 'little africa' in my home town.
i've been playing hard to get spoc. i know that drives you back into my arms. plus it took a while to figure out my favorite episode. i also like the one where kramer bathes (or is it tans?) in butter and newman attempts to eat him.
i think if i took after a character it would be george. i think he once told jerry 'it's not a lie if you believe it' and i seem to live by that motto. unfortunetly, i often forget just what i've lied about. but, most people don't bother to call me on it.
and i don't really often read 100% of the first 15 pages of a book. i'm your basic 'skimmer' which means that i read to finish, not necessarily retain information. i don't bother even reading words like 'the' 'and' 'or' or anything else like that. i read for the basic meaning, unless it's a book i really enjoy. then i'll hang on every word and sometimes reread after i finish. but, thankfully, i've gotten out of my 'read every book and piece of information i can find on various dx and try to repeat everything i read about the subject' thankfully! i feel better now knowing i don't have a clue what's going on with me and couldn't care less. i'm back to reading for enjoyment and that's thrilling.
and if you met my family, you wouldn't have to help out on the farm. in fact, we don't even have a farm. you may have to help at the bar, but you wouldn't mind, would you? my mom is one to put people to work when they are available and you wouldn't get paid. but, you would be able to see some really bad bands play, and get hit on by some men that you may not like. but, it's rather flattering, i promise. you don't have to wear a skirt, but clothing is optional regardless of your cankles. you could always cover those with high socks. but, you do get free beer and tips aplenty. oh, and marriage proposals too. and if you are really lucky, you can go snake hunting on the back of a 3-wheeler. that's always a good time.
i'm sorry that i brought back not so fond memories of your trip to canada. i have some fond and not so fond memories of canada as well. my ex brother in law once dropped me down a hill while we were going to watch fireworks. on my birthday even. since then, i've not allowed another man to physically lift me. i also lost my drivers license while there, adn the police were of no help. so, i couldn't go drinking after i lost it. i was afraid i'd get stuck passing through the border, but i didn't. my car died on the bridge several times. but, my sister had the worst luck. she was transporting fireworks (not to mention other illegal substances for her own personal use) across the border and got stopped. they took custody of the fireworks, but never searched for anything else. she was lucky that time. but she was very scared and vowed to never try that again.
spoc, i'm sorry again it's taken me so long to get back to you. it's not that i'm losing interest in you, that isn't possible. i've been looking for a job, a pony, and a rich husband. that's quite a task for a young lass like me. can a pony live in your house? do you know? do you have a pony? can i just come live with you this summer? would that be ok? i won't eat much and i'd tuck you in every night, even if you don't sleep. maybe tucking you in would help you get to sleep? i think so.
ok, i'm going to cut this short for now. i'm sorry i didn't answer all of your questions. maybe you could send me your measurements and that would help me to stay even more interested? and do you think you make enough to get me a boob job? if you pay for them, you can look at them all you want, promise. i really think i need boobs right now. perhaps you could get me one now and one later? would that fit in your budget? i'm certain you, with your good looks and charm, could find a way to get the money so i can have boobs. i leave it up to you dear spoc.
This is the end of the thread.
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