Posted by Racer on September 26, 2006, at 12:51:54
In reply to Re: Distortion » Racer, posted by ClearSkies on September 26, 2006, at 7:17:40
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> > There is distortion here, of course. Depression does cause distortion, and it will make a difference in what you see in your mental mirror.
>> That is a great lesson you learned from your grandmother. My mom has always taken very poor care of her appearance, and assumes that someone who does take care is vain. So I feel shallow and guilty for being so preoccupied with my own appearance.OHMYGOSH! Poor Clear Skies! Now you can have shame AND guilt over it! Twofer bargain rate!
Yeah, me too. I have that shame over the same sorts of things, although I also have shame for enjoying food, too. (Wonder if that's related to anything else?) My mother is so afraid of "getting fat" that she disapproves of enjoying food. Food is fuel, nothing more, and only self-indulgent, greedy people eat because they enjoy it. So, now I can feel all those lousy things I feel about my body, struggle with eating in general -- AND feel shame for eating because I enjoy the taste and/or texture of the food.
And the rest of me? I know I'm shamefully vain -- all it takes to qualify for that is looking in the mirror, but that might be because my family is crazier than yours is... {rolls eyes}
You know what, though? Here's my analogy of it: my mother has very, very nice furniture, inherited from her grandparents. She never used to do that "Hey, you! COASTER!" thing, because she was ashamed to care about having nice things. She "should" care more about the people, and be above caring about mere material possessions. Now, I know you can see the fallacy there, right?
Well, you're the same -- it might be shallow to put all your energy into obtaining physical beauty. If you spent all your energy and money on plastic surgery, etc, that might be less than attractive. But you don't have to obtain it. (You really are beautiful, you know. You have that lovely, exotic cast to your face, with those fabulous eyes.) Being pleased that you are beautiful is NOT shallow, it's NOT a sign of bad character. Being sad that your face is changing, because you valued your beauty is NOT a sign of bad character, either. It's a normal part of life, it's a normal sort of grief. Being unhappy that your body is changing -- being resentful that the drugs that make life bearable in one way do this terrible thing to your body -- those are normal things, too. There's got to be grief.
{sigh} I guess being human is a sign of bad character?
CS, you're a mammal. You're a vertebrate. You're a woman, in North America. If you DIDN'T feel grief about these things, THEN there'd be something to worry about.
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> Oh, no - acne is one of the reasons that I wouldn't wish to be young again. Plus the comments I would get about looking good from the neck down. Now that the below the neck stuff is getting larger and droopier, I feel that I don't heally have anything going for me.
>Honey, I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, and I know you know it's in affection. You have so much going for you, I have such a hard time wrapping my head around this. I look at you, and I wonder, "How can she NOT see it?"
Same way I can miss it, in me, huh?
Honestly, I think we both do something very common here in North America -- same thing Poet does, for that matter. (Although neither of us do it with such aplomb, huh?) We have no value, because we produce no monetary value. You think that's part of it for you? Guess what: you're worth a hell of a lot more than any paycheck could ever reflect. I've said so, and you know I'm never wrong about these things. (Hey, false modesty ain't one of my failings, ya know?)
> > As for what you accomplish, each day, that really is depression, and hormones, and all sorts of truly sucky variables. I'm sorry you're having such trouble, my treasured friend. Your yoga teacher is right, you know. And even if you never know why I value you, I hope you do know that I do.
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> > xoxo
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> Now, YOU are a peach.
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>{blush} The Clear Skies and Racer Mutual Appreciation Society and Reading Group?
And CS? Believe it or not, in front of everyone here, I'm sending you a hug, with both arms even: ((Clear Skies)) When have you seen me do that before?
poster:Racer
thread:689139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/689383.html