Posted by Lindenblüte on September 29, 2006, at 18:02:38
In reply to Re: I am a worthless piece of.... » Dinah, posted by Poet on September 29, 2006, at 15:31:42
Wow Dinah!
I think you are precious. I don't employ you, unfortunately.Sounds like you are engaging in what my monk called "comparative thinking" (the source of much human misery). Can you resist the temptation to compare yourself to how well you worked a year ago, or 10 years ago, or whenever? Back at that time, you probably wanted to do a better job too. Or maybe your work life was great, but some other priorities were unsatisfactory.
My point is-- if you want to be dissatisfied, all you have to do is compare yourself.
Instead, try to live each day within the frame of who you are that day. I actually have to write a dumb to-do list. Every morning, I get up, and I assess what my mental/physical status is (today it includes a lot of chest phlegm- yuck!) and plan accordingly. Somedays your goals are very simple, and other days you are up for a lot of complicated, elaborate work and free-time arrangements.
Worst case scenario- you can no longer work. What happens then? Is your life over? I hope not! what will your kids and your doggies and your husband do? I'm sure they'd rather have an unemployed Dinah than no Dinah. The trick is that if you end up unemployed, you could trick yourself into eternal misery by merely equating your "Self" with your "employment". By comparing your unemployed self to your working self, you can perpetuate the misery ad nauseum.
Dinah, even if you are overwhelmed with duties and cognitive fuzziness and disorganization right now, you are no less important or worthy than when you "had it ALL together" (whenever THAT was!). You just need a little extra help and support. Time to reassess- simplify. Cut out things that aren't crucial. Things you did that were once satisfying or necessary but are now just routine. You are more than the sum of your parts. Your self-worth would be intact even if you could do nothing and were completely immobilized and incapacitated.
So... you may disappoint some people. As long as you have a good reason for it, most people will handle it okay, and they may even *gasp!* understand in the long run. Those people that refuse to be reasonable are not people that you need to have around you, anyways.
I like you Dinah, you're going to be okay. I'm pretty sure you're letting the Big D take over a bit too much of your mental real-estate. Give that Depression an eviction notice.
hugs?
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:690178
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/690280.html