Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2006, at 10:52:49
In reply to Re: I am a worthless piece of...., posted by Jost on September 30, 2006, at 23:20:24
I think a bit of failure at an earlier age might have been good for my soul.
I left the first forty years or so of my life thinking that I could do anything I set my mind to do, in the work or student realm. Then the next four or so years thinking I was being lazy. The reason I'm triggered right now is that I'm totally aware that (at least until last night) I was putting everything I had into my work, and still not managing to put in forty hours a week. And still not being able to focus and concentrate. It's not made any difference at all in my work abilities. So the last four years, I wasn't lazy. I was just worthless.
My therapist assured me that you can't lose being smart. But I think he's wrong. I think years on psych meds have made me stupid and unable to focus. And not useful. And I don't think I can bear being not useful. Not if I try to be useful and fail.
poster:Dinah
thread:690178
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/690788.html