Posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:05:39
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by HappyWildflower on March 30, 2006, at 10:43:13
UK time 7:10pm (listening to the archers!!)
~~~Hi Milly 9 I like your name)
**thanks I like it too, how did you pick yours? (oh I made a joke! pick happy wild flowers!!)
~~~Glad u feel good making me feel good, it's a nice wee chain of feeling good!
** I haven't been much good to anyone lately so I really did feel good that I had done something right!
~~~I'm not sure if i'm doing this chain thing right , I mean answering after each line you said last like the way you did with my previous msg, so let me know how it goes at your end when you see this please.
** it worked fine but you can always delete bits that don't need answering or that make following to difficult
~~~ ( i think it's a good way to write to each other , cos i can see your q's and answer them one by one.
** me too I forget alot at the moment
~~~I usually keep some stuff back. I have a few books going at the same time, but Tuesday I just let off alot of steam and trasferred alot of stuff from weeks ago into the book I give to her along with a whole lot of anger and critisism. I don't know what you'll make of that?
** I think that is actually very positive, they need to know how you REALLY feel about lots of stuff including how we feel about them. They are actually fairly indestructable, believe me I've tried and he's still there for me.
~~~Anyway I told her where i was feeling hurt and pinpointed the area in the session where it happened, so that i'm doing my part in working towards rpairing it. If she doesn't know i'm hurting how can she decide if she's going to work through it with me , or not. so, I gave her the run down from my angle and asked her to do what she could to repair the damage. ~~
** Well done hopefully it will help the theraputic relationship, they are only human and they do get stuff wrong but if you don't say they won't always know.
~~~ I' glad to find a fellow writer - currently I'm writing in a few small A5 lined notebooks. On Tues I wrote from page 73 - 121.
** wow you did have alot to get down!
~~~the following day, On awakening I was still very sad, and angry with her, so, I wrote another ten pages. I felt a little clearer the following and , and as I said, able to pin point why/where the pain, and sadness was related to the session.~~
** Yep writing does help to sort it out, I am using a little notebook A6 I think and it is always with me and old ones are locked away. I do worry that someone might find them oneday and know my innermost thoughts but I can't bring myself to destroy them
~~~ I can't tell you Milly , how nice it is to talk to you and to read your replies... I am apparently so very needy right now, it's ap art of me i hate admitting to.** Admitting our neediness is so difficult I have learnt it the hard way, trying to pretend otherwise until I couldn't manage anything, I hate being needy with my T because it feels so unequal. Before I was really ill I was much more used to being needed than feeling needy so it was abit of a shock
~~~I'm crying again now just saying it and becasuse i feel so happy to talk to you, and at the same time i hate being so needed that i'm online doing it. But I'VE BEEN SO ISLOATED FRO ALONG TIME , i DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TRUST ENOUGH. bUT, THAT'S CARAZY TOO, TRUSTING ALL THIS OVER THE INTERNET.( sorry I hit caps lock there, it's not that i was highlinting my words) ~~
** you hitting caps lock made me giggle!
~~~ Thanks, Milly for the tissues, I think I need a another one, so maybe i should just hold the box for a while...** sure keep the box till I need it
~~~To be honest, when I read your reply today and the way you did it after each line i'd wriitten, it was just so complete and nice, and i started to cry. cos here i am talking to a stranger and you arer so kind and i'm feeling so needy. How many of us go online and are so needy to the point of finding comfort and support from a feelow humane being like this?/!
** loads, aren't we fortunate that we live in this age of technology.
~~~ I'm just not used to feeling cared for. And, as you may have experienced from your own therapy, it's never long enogh in the session to talk about all the things and to fell the caring is more than just her doing her job, if you know what I mean?** No 50 mins is never enough and I often cry at the words 'we must finish for now'
~~~ I'm going now for bubble bath - I got up at 9am today and went back to sleep untill 2.45pm.**You needed that, sleep is a great healer unless like me you use it as an avoidant!
~~~( the times on the postings are really confusing, since like you I'm in the U.K. - to read the timings they say i posted to you, makes me feel i dont know if i'm coming or going. Ha!
** yep I used to think I was permanently suffering from insomnia, even when I'm not
~~~so maybe I'll put the time at the top from now on -
**good idea I put it at the top this evening
~~~then again as i think it was Einstein said "Time is relative"~~ I liked Einstein!! ( not that I knew him personally, but i would have liked to have met him)
** I think he would have been an interesting chap to know.
~~~thanks for the advice on posting on main board - i have not found my way around yet, but i will try again when i'm not feeing so dazedish and sorta zonked out.
**If you scroll down you will find a list of boards, also a list at the top. I tend to hang out on 'social' or 'psychology' ( I caused a bit of a riot by accident on social and feel a bit traumatised by it all but I learnt alot about how I cope or rather don't cope with conflict)
~~~ My sleep was full of a mish mash of dreams centred around her, I had a busy night of it all night long.
**Disturbed sleep is horrid, will you tell your T that she took over your unconcious thought?
I'm sleeping alot better but apparently I am terribly violent (according to hubby) in my sleep but I don't remember anything in the morning.
~~~The fact you're in the UK too makes me cry because I thought no one else would be on here from the UK so it's a sort of overwhelmed happy cry of how can I be so fortunate to have Milly from the UK, just pass by the new babies chat room, on the exact day i wrote my very 1st posting.**It was quite fluky
~~~I am very grateful for you being so considerate and doing that. I still haveent't even worked out how to go to the main posting board. But I've been reading it for around 9 months now, and have come to recognire some of their names, like crushed out etc, and I expect they'll be in the USA. ~~
**most are, some canada, some australia and I know one other in UK
~~~ Thank you Milly - Thanks very much for making the effort. I'm feeling very fragile right now and you have been a comfort i can tell you!!! Byeee for now --Happywildflower ~~
~~~p.p.s. i was just thinking before I go, how verry nice it would be if you would like to write something to me about yourself - I don't mean in a desriptive, I'm blued eyed and blond way. I mean is there anything I could maybe help you with by listening to you and your therapy experience right now?? anyway here's abig SMILE from me to you Milly **S*M*I*L*E**
** thanks for the S*M*I*L*E* it made me grin.
My major problem in therapy at the moment it that because it is NHS I have used up my quota and although he has stretched it by a month next Tuesday is my last. He wants to refer me on to another T but I am so connected with him I can hardly bare the thought of leaving him.
Thanks for asking speak soon
milly
poster:milly
thread:625523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20060108/msgs/626609.html