Posted by fayeroe on March 9, 2003, at 9:12:05
In reply to Getting unstuck - need help if you can please, posted by PuraVida on March 8, 2003, at 18:30:07
> I tend to write long posts - need to get this off my chest. Maybe someone else has similar thoughts?
>
> I have been really, really stuck lately - been trying everything and the hole seems to be getting deeper. I live by myself, and don't have a job, and my friends and family think I'm just too busy to call (or call them BACK for that matter.) I can't even pick up the phone to call my Dad or sister - I feel like such a looser that here I am, depressed again. I don't want them to worry about me, or pity me, or feel burdened by me. I want them to be proud of me - that I am happy. But I know that its not my fault - don't I?
>
> The crazy thing about depression is that I can write that and think that and say that (it's not my fault) but no way do I believe it right now.
>
> Burns talks about pleasure predicting - and I've been testing myself to see if I do feel better after doing XY or Z. And, I don't - each step I take seems to exhaust me and I head for the bed - but with this depression I can't sleep as much as I have with others. Too bad - wish I could. So, even calling my sister or dad seems like it won't ease my pain and will only make them worry.
>
> I so wish someone would just come and take care of me - do the rational thinking for me since I can't - make sure I'm not going to go bankrupt or loose my friends because I am letting so many things slide. And just give me time to get out of this - if the meds will ever work!
>
> But there is just me - I know everyone else has their own lives to live. I thought about asking my Dad to come stay with me, but then again, its a temporary solution and if I know me, I'll just suck it up while he's here and collapse again when he leaves.
>
> Sometimes too I just wish I could tell people "I am depressed right now" the same way one can say they have the flu. Seems like it would ease some of the guilt, but then when I'm depressed I even feel guilty about having the flu - because "if I'd taken better care of myself I wouldn't have caught it!"
>
> What a mess. I think I'll call my dad.
>
> Thanks,
> PV
>
Dear PV: I am between jobs. My daughters think I'm crazy.....a few of my friends know that I am depressed. A counselor friend just confided that he started on Zoloft and is so happy about how it is helping HIM! My sisters and brother are so dysfunctional that I don't talk to them. Their solution to everything is GUILT> I also lived with my mom til she died, after she started having strokes, and that was some of the calmest times that I've had in a long time. You can see post to Krissyp and understand more. BUT, depression is an illness just like the flu. Only we don't have any control over having it. It's a chemical imbalance and all we can do is try meds, exercise, eat right, etc. etc.....so here I sit, 59, no job (magic interview though on Friday at private hospital)and alone. But when I look at other alternatives, I'd rather be where I am now. I was married to someone who never ever talked about any of my interests...we only talked about his. He never opened up emotionally and I left there with no self-esteem or confidence. So I am blessed that I'm not there now! I know we can get better. Otherwise, we would not be reaching out to each other and giving and receiving help! I'm here pretty often. xoxoxo pat>
poster:fayeroe
thread:207189
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030203/msgs/207352.html