Posted by Kalamatianos on December 31, 2003, at 1:30:05
In reply to Re: I'm lost ... but not so far away... » Kalamatianos, posted by DaisyM on December 30, 2003, at 1:17:31
Note: I'm asking you to make a picture in which you act out the fantasy of ordering them around. I do this anytime I am confused about what might happen to me. I get to sorta see the future. You telling me what you see is safe; ordering your T around *for-real* ain't gonna work, ya' know.
Also, not seeing yourself as "enough" can leave you internally conflicted in most situations. This is not bad nor good; just is. Trust me that I was so glad to first hear someone speak about "enough" and then wake up one day 10 years later and say, "A-hah! I am 'enough', at least for today". It's a great feeling! I've never looked back!
"Selfish" as a label, when you are willing to go out of your way to help, is counter-intuitive. The implication is that you are still obligated to the attitudes and beliefs of someone else instead of your own. I only hear my own voice in my mind now, since I suspended all opinions long enough to sort out which ones are mine and which ones belong to someone else. They were the sources of those many voices in my head.
People just assume that we are obligated for life, except, then I wouldn't have my own life. I would be living for who ever was demanding that I stay obligated.
Note: Obligations are always one-way. My plans, goals, and personal contracts, are all two-way. They also allow for optional results.
Obligations are someone telling me how they want the results from me, with no wishy-washy optional outcomes. Life doesn't work that way. Life might throw me a curve before the end of a project, so I need options available in order to keep making progress. I couldn't feel good about asserting my needs until I felt "enough".
Mark my words: if you detect someone is a control freak, they are internally conflicted and have strong feelings of not being "enough". They substitute loudness for cooperation; they seem angry but are usually only loud. This translates into authority by those held obligated to them. Know anybody like this?
poster:Kalamatianos
thread:294529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/294978.html