Posted by Penny on January 14, 2004, at 15:18:08
In reply to Re: snapping out of it, depression is selfish » Penny, posted by cordy on January 14, 2004, at 14:55:44
I understand your point, but I disagree that true depression is ever non-chemical. Even 'episodic depression' - i.e. depression that follows a traumatic event, like a death - probably has a chemical basis. Some people are predisposed to depression. Sometimes it will hit for no apparent reason, other times it will be brought on by stress, but people who are truly depressed, in the clinical sense, most likely have a predisposition for it. Which is why not everyone has a depressive disorder regardless of their life circumstances. Of course this whole point continues to be debated, but I truly believe that clinical depression is chemical. There are other factors, of course, but in the end it comes down to differences in brain chemistry, which messes with everything else.
I didn't mean to say that you were entirely in the wrong - you were trying to help her, and I understand that. The problem, in my experience, is that people who are depressed are all too aware that there are other people who have it as bad or worse than they do. And those of us who have depression feel a great deal of guilt over feeling that bad when 'hey, my life's not really that bad - what's my problem?' I guess what I'm trying to say is that your friend probably has already given herself the "snap out of it, you're being selfish" talk. What she needs from you is more "I accept you as you are and I'm here when/if you need me to listen. But you have to tell me what you want me to do."
I think the other folks who posted in response to you probably expressed their thoughts more clearly than I have. I guess I'm speaking from a place of having a close friend, who has herself suffered from depression but deals with it much differently, giving me pep talks and whatnot when I'm feeling really low, and a grandmother who is always reminding me about people who have it worse than I do, and it gets to be a bit much.
I don't know how much of this makes sense - my brain is a bit fried at the moment after working all day - but I'm just trying to tell you from my perspective how your friend might feel (without knowing her, I know) as a sufferer of depression. I do admire you for going to such lengths to help her. Perhaps you should ignore my posts and read the others and follow their advice instead? Sometimes my best intentions are a bit misguided.
Sorry.
P
poster:Penny
thread:300616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040110/msgs/300738.html