Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 15:37:40
In reply to Re: ok, now it hurts » Karen_kay, posted by crushedout on February 4, 2004, at 14:33:19
Ok, here goes...
First, I don't think you necessarily need to know whether she's attracted to you. I personally don't know whether my therapist is attracted to me, as I doubt many of us do. And I highly doubt your therapist would ever say, "I'm not attracted to you." How could that be in your best interest? That would just be an ego blow.
It is SO great that you emailed her and told her all of the things that you wanted to, but never really could. Now, they are in the open and free to be discussed. And that's what's important. It's finally "out of your hands" so to speak. Now you'll be able to freely discuss this matter. It maybe embarrassing at times, but it's something that you have been struggling with for a while now. Doesn't it feel great to have it off your chest? Try to think of it that way.
And of course if you are discussing sex with someone you are sexually attracted to you would *naturally* feel aroused! That's completely natural. The idea would be to tell her if she asks how you are feeling, "Well, since you asked..." It may be hard and you don't have to necessarily say it but imagine the amount of trustyou would have. Being able to be that open with someone adn not feel as though you had to keep secrets. And you could use the skills you develope from this in a future romantic relationship, where trust and honesty is very important. You're making such great progress! And I really don't think she would say that she wasn't attracted to you. She may enforce boundaries. My therapist told me he couldn't be my mentor, as that would involve an outside relationship. I'm always testing him. Sometimes he falls for it, sometimes he doesn't. That time he didn't. I just need to get better at my wording, I suppose...
As for him calling me a liar. He didn't outright say I was a liar, but I actually had a tear in my eye and he said, "What happened? (As it came out of nowhere) What are you thinking about?" So I said, "Well, I fear I'm falling in love with you!" He said, "Nonsense you know that's not true. What are you really thinking?" And I didn't tell him. I kept lying and saying that I wasn't thinking about anything or that something was in my eye. It was actually the realization that I can't emotionally commit to anyone. I fear I'm a cold-hearted B*.. Well, you know the rest....
*Why is it so easy to tell you things that I wouldn't dream of telling Bubba? Maybe because he would say, "Yes my dear, you are a cold-hearted B****...." Wouldn't that be grand?
poster:Karen_kay
thread:309129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309400.html