Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 9:15:15
In reply to Re: crash after a great week, posted by DaisyM on March 18, 2004, at 23:03:40
Hi Daisy. She *has* actually told me that she gets angry at me and complained about the pressure. I don't know if "complain" is the right word. She notes that she feels pressure, because she thinks this is a pattern in my life and that it's something I can learn from with her.When I had a family crisis a few weeks ago, I called her on a Saturday and asked if we could "chat" for a few minutes. She emailed me the next day and said I could email her but that she couldn't talk to me on the phone. The next week when I saw her, she admitted to being angry at me for calling her because, as she said, she sometimes gets angry when people need her. She owned that as her own issue and said she told me that so that I can sort out which is my stuff and which is her stuff, but a lot of people have said to me, "Well, what is she doing being a therapist then?" I posed this question to her and she claimed that she knows a lot of therapists who have human, not-so-ideal reactions like this. She said I shouldn't conclude from her saying that that I can't need her, but I don't want her to be mad at me, so what am I supposed to do?
I don't know, Daisy. The whole thing is confusing.
I ended up emailing her yesterday telling her I felt like crap and thought that she hated me. She replied late-ish last night, saying I shouldn't berate myself or think that she hates me and that she looks forward to seeing me next week. I feel somewhat reassured and quite a bit better than I did. I don't think my whole weekend is shot anymore.
But I do have this problem of what do I do when my session makes me feel like crud and I'm all paranoid but I don't feel like I can call her because she'll be mad at me. I guess I need to talk to her about this soon. Because it would be nice not to have to carry that depression and paranoia around with me for days.
It really does seem messed up that she actually *does* feel suffocated by my needs, since that is always my fear. But then maybe you're the type of person who's afraid of suffocating but actually you don't (so your T needs to help you recognize your needs and ask for things), and I'm the type of person who is too needy and actually does suffocate people (so my T needs to teach me to stop doing that and face my own needs by myself)? Is that possible?
Thanks so much for writing to me.
crushedout
poster:crushedout
thread:325818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/325983.html