Posted by lucy stone on April 24, 2004, at 12:24:31
In reply to Second of two homework assignments, posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:35:58
I can totally relate to this and have somewhat of the same struggle. I am a very large woman (over 6' tall and overweight) and that makes if very difficult for me to find clothes that fit the "fashionable" definition. I usually have to buy whatever I can find that fits and not what I would choose if I could. I also feel very uncomfortable wearing heels because it makes me even taller, so my shoes also usually fit into the "unfashionable" category. I am an old feminist, washed off my makeup in 1972 as a political statment and never put it back on. I do wear it occasionally when I get really dressed up, but it never feels comfortable. I don't like people to touch me, I don't like to talk about my appearance, and I don't like to look in the mirror. I just recently switched from having my hair cut at Pro-Cuts type places to going to a real salon and having a good cut. That was a major accomplishment for me and is still difficult but I know I look better for it. Sometimes I have to get really dressed up for black-tie type events for my husband's work. These are tortuous for me because I never feel like what I am wearing is right. I always feel more than a bit off. I have just barely brushed these issues therapy since they are so painful for me so I can't give much advice. I kind of think your therapist may be a bit off on this. I think that if you to change your apperance to fit society's expectations when it really isn't you it's not going to help you. I think you will still feel akward and uncomfortable. I think you might need to start gradually, change one thing at a time, and when that feels good more on a bit more. Perhaps do what I did and start with a good haircut that doesn't need much maintenace. You could feel better groomed without having to fuss with yourself. If that feels goods maybe more on a bit. I also see this as a moral issue, but maybe you could make some small change that make you feel good about yourself but still keep your sense of integrity. I should do this myself, I think, but right now it is very difficult.
poster:lucy stone
thread:339292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339529.html