Posted by Aphrodite on October 30, 2004, at 12:58:07
Dr. Bob once wisely advised me to stay away from the board when storms brew or things felt unsafe. Unfortunately, that always seems to coincide with needing support:(
So, I preface all of this by saying I'm sorry I haven't been supporting all of you though I've felt like I had a lot to say. For a couple of days, I thought it best to not even read the board. Man, am I easily triggered.
Even after a year of therapy, trying to establish some sort of bond or connection with my therapist, I haven't even begun to divulge the details of my parental abuse and neglect and csa by other trusted authority figures. I've spent a lot of time just talking about my feelings, ways to soothe, etc.
Looming before me now is my T's encouragement to begin the tales. I'm so overwhelmed. Where to start? I feel like it could take years to recount it all; there is just so much. Is there really any point? From the literature, it seems there isn't a great amount of hope for people with my degree of trauma. What is the best I can hope for? One thing I know is that I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. It's kind of like someone managing a disease that will never be fully cured.
To really process every traumatic event seems endless and hopeless.
I feel like I am stuck in the space where I need to run back to my old ways of coping that have gotten me this far or plunge forward into the unknown waters. Either choice seems permanent, like there would be no changing my mind. So I just sit here on the fence unable to sleep, think clearly, or live fully. I need someone to come along and push me one way or the other.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:409215
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/409215.html