Posted by gardenergirl on November 21, 2004, at 12:42:09
In reply to I don't like my T anymore. :( Lengthy!, posted by antigua on November 21, 2004, at 11:14:17
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> While I mourn the loss of what I never had, and never will have, I try not to feel too cheated. I’m not there yet, but maybe I will someday. I don’t want to live in the past anymore, aching and searching for what can never be. I want to find what works for me today.
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> So, this leads me back to my T. She’s not superhuman, she can’t save me or help me, I recognize that, but why am I so indifferent to her? Maybe it’s just that I put her up on a pedestal and although I thought I’ve accepted she is a mortal woman, I’m mourning the loss of my fantasy, of my perfect mother.
>Hi antigua,
I'm glad you are finding ways to heal yourself, and I hope you stay safe while doing it. That experience with the fall sounds just awful. I was struck by these two paragraphs of what you wrote. I think your last conclusion, mourning the loss of the ideal in your T is very valid. I've had those feelings, too. The ideal feels safe, and human does not feel as safe, especially if you have been really hurt before. But there's good and bad in it. Giving up the ideal is a sign of growth, because lord knows, none of us are ideal or perfect. So it's more reality-based, but scarier, at least for me.Good luck on your journey. I wish you peace.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:418602
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/418624.html