Posted by LG04 on November 28, 2004, at 4:24:29
In reply to Re:sorry, last messg was reply to messadivoce (nm), posted by peacefeline on November 27, 2004, at 21:27:03
thanks for all the responses. i am going to re-read them and think about what everyone said. i am in a situation where i had to leave my therapist prematurely b/c i moved back to america. the transference is starting to fade (we still talk on the phone twice a week) but it's painful. i think because of the premature termination. if i was still seeing her, there would be no need for the transference to fade, we'd still be working intensely with it. so in some ways, i still NEED the transference in order to keep working thru certain issues. but i can't do it with her b/c it's too hard to do long distance. our goal now is to continue to lessen my transference/dependency on her. it's working, but it's just very very sad for me.
at the same time, i hate transference relationships (I've had many of them outside of therapy) and in some ways, would be glad if this were the last one (at least regarding intensity). i think that if i can grieve what i never had, and what i always wish for in these relationships -- mommy stuff -- then i won't have such a need for transference relationships anymore.
i could also choose to keep her in a specific place in my mind...in the comforting, mommy place...but then i'd have to leave the relationship as it is and i don't want to do that. i want to stay connected to her in real life, and she is open to that. especially as i will be visiting the country i left for at least one-two months each summer.
so in some ways i am giving up the permanent comfort she could give me if i just "froze" her in the place she is in. i am giving that up for the more real relationship with its flaws and inconsistencies and all that.
am i nuts?
poster:LG04
thread:420906
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/421195.html