Posted by Dinah on December 29, 2004, at 17:58:38
In reply to Re: Pink and yellow swirls - largely incomprehensi » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on December 29, 2004, at 13:26:08
You understood? Thanks, Aphrodite.
Everyone wants me to be so grown up now. Daddy left everything for me to handle. My mom is leaning on me a bit (for her anyway, I'm sure it won't last). I'm trying to make sure that things at work are going to go the way Daddy would have wanted, and the only way to do that in some cases is to take on some of the responsibility I have tried to avoid my entire life. I've found that the only way I can keep my OCD and anxiety disorders under control is to structure my life to reduce stress and responsibility. And now I have to weigh that against doing what I think is right. Doing what I think is right is winning, but I'm not sleeping. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to sleep again, or if I'm going to have all the problems I used to have before I restructured my life. Well that's a slight exaggeration. I *am* sleeping, just not well - at least in the early mornings.
I have this intense desire to retreat to the time before my troubles. When Daddy was still a giant, albeit a scary one. When Mama still loved me (before I started calling her "Mother"). When it was a Mod Mod world.
My therapist wants me to slow down and not be so frantic. But it seems impossible.
poster:Dinah
thread:435295
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/435440.html