Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2005, at 14:50:45
In reply to Re: Peace Please » daisym, posted by pinkeye on March 4, 2005, at 13:04:45
(((Pinkeye)))
I think it's hard to see other people in pain, and if you see something that might help them be in less pain, you want to share that with them. That's perfectly normal.
But as you know from your feelings about your ex-therapist, feelings don't respond all that well to logic. And as much as there is an impulse to problem solve, sometimes the best we can do is sit down next to someone, put an arm around their shoulders, and tell them that we hear what they're saying and we're sorry they hurt.
Since my therapist currently thinks I have every reason to be depressed, that's pretty much all he's doing. Except nagging me to work. And it's astonishing how much hearing that it's ok to feel rotten makes me feel better. And the nagging doesn't work at all. But knowing that I can please him by working harder works sometimes.
It never hurts to point out other ways of looking at things, but it helps a lot to first acknowledge the way that person looks at things right now.
Which sounds horribly preachy, I know. But I don't think you really have any more trouble understanding what people are going through than anyone else. In the end, it's impossible to really fully understand what someone else is going through. I think it's just hard for you to see people in pain without wanting to help. That's no sin. And it's not sad, it's lovely. It might be a bit sad to realize that there's a big limit to what we can do to help.
poster:Dinah
thread:463767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466523.html